pulling my hair out! help with a distracting buddy

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I met this acquantance at school, I'm an NT. He asked me what my major was, I told him I was studying Spec Ed and Teaching of History and he told me he has Asperger's and ADHD.

So two problems; 1. he's bothering me when I'm studying 2. He said to me he wants more friends-but things arent going so good.

1. So I get that he's not picking up on the social cues that I'm studying and I don't want to talk right. He's jumping from one topic to another with no transitions whatsoever and I can't keep up. I politely tell him I have to do work and he jumps out of his seat and says real fast, "ok I'll see you later." Now I feel bad cause the kid just left.
So next time I tell him that I have work to do but he can stay silently and do some work. He can't keep quiet, lol! I remind him again, I have to write a paper, he's ready to get up and I tell him stay but focus on your game. It still doesn't work. I let the kid go and I get more done in 15 minutes than I did in two hours of sitting next to him.
I guess next time I can tell him, "dude, I gotta work but I'll come find you when I'm done?"

2. He wants more friends. People make fun of him, that's harsh. Other people avoid him, I guess they're trying not to be mean. I'm a grad student, I don't need to be popular to undergrads but he does. He needs friends. He has a few but not that many. I dont really think the kid knows how to talk to friends. His clothes, they're atrocious. His clothes are "people replent." He starts talking to me about his clothes and I'm like, "dude, I don't want to hurt your feelings but that jackets got to go. Jeans with a big patch on the knee? A hole in the crotch of the jeans? Time for new jeans. The clothes are hurting you socially buddy. It's the first impression that people get about you is what they see." I'm not trying to hurt his feelings. I hope I didn't. He didn't seem upset, but he also didn't seem to get the advice either.

Thanks man. I don't want to hurt his feelings but if he brings up clothes, I'll tell him again.

People with AS will usually appreciate direct statements in a way that an NT would not. Whereas you might be offended if someone came out and said a piece of clothing of yours was not doing it, AS people usually won't be offended by directness. In fact, many will apperciate direct feedback like that because they can't always pick it up. But.. There is a difference between direct statements and mean statements

Direct Statement: Dude, I have to tell you, your clothes are not helping you fit in. Giant hole in the crotch, pants gotta be thrown away and replaced. No one wants to see your undies.

Mean Statement: Dude, those clothes are f*****g ugly as s**t and you look like a poor homeless person.

As for the talking, don't be afraid to point it out in a direct, but not mean way.

You could add a suggested new course of action after what you're pointing out. Like with the clothes (which he's wearing because new clothes are usually uncomfortable to aspies):

Fact: [What the other poster said about the underwear, etc, that was nicely put.]
Suggestion: "Why don't you try wearing khakis? They're soft so they're comfortable, but they also look nice. You can get new Hanes t-shirts in colors that are also soft and don't have tags in the back." Since he likely sees you as someone who is socially successful, he's more likely to listen to you about what "looks good" as long as you mention that it's also "comfortable".

When aspies stop the conversation abruptly that like and just walk off, it's just because they don't know how to end the conversation. It's not a big deal and doesn't mean something wrong happened.

Many aspies can study AND listen at the same time and just assume you can do the same thing. So you have to say something like "Hey man, I can't study and listen to you at the same time. Let's talk some other time." Like the other posters said, direct but not mean is the way to go.

But it sounds like you're doing a good job of being friends with this guy already.

Kudos to you for being willing to help. He wants to grow but doesn't know how. Now realize, being blunt with aspies is okay, much like talking to someone from NYC. So start small but don't be afraid to be direct. And if you call him on walking off without saying something like "Ok well I'm gonna go then, I gotta go talk to my next class" will help him realize he has to close a conversation and not just walk off. I watched a NT who is kind of a friend but he's arrogant in his body language and conveys the "I'm too good for you" kind of look (but he's sincere and does try to not be that way, I can tell that). One time I was talking to him and the conversation just dead ended so I could see the uncomfort in his face and I knew it was time to close it so I was looking for a way to close it and he beat me to it and looked at his watch and said he was going to get ready to leave to go home. That may be an exercise you could teach him.

And don't be afraid to pull a What Not to Wear on him. :p He may not mind a makeover.

I was probably this kid when I was in school. The pairing of Asperger's and ADHD can be annoying to some. We tend to be extrmely distant and quiet. As soon as you engage us, though, we latch onto you like a mnkey that thinks you have a satchel of banananananananas! It really did hurt when people turned down my attempts at friendships. If you just find him annoying and don't want to do with his s**t tell him straight. People like us want straight forward answers. I know I did. When all the NTs would beat around the bush it got really frustrating. If you feel you can handle his shenanigans just try and be his friend, but assert your feelings for him in a way he can understand. Like politely tell him, "hey, if you wanna go do something outside of school sometime we can, but right now I'm busy." Like you have been, basically. You've handled it pretty well so far, I applaud that.