Hand Communication

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How do people communicate with their hands? The idea behind it confuses me. Whenever I see hand movement I see a distraction only.

Do you mean like sign language, or gestures that go along with speaking? Those have different implications. I think the gestures can be used for things like pointing, which indicates direction, or middle finger, which is supposed to be offensive, and a waggy finger pointing to yourself, which indicates "come here," and some other ones (usually sharp and fast) that emphasize certain points...maybe you can look them up, with pictures? Is there something like that?

It depends on the context. In conversation, hands can - amongst other things - be used to described the physical properties or the behaviour of someone/something. For example, "The fish I caught was THIS big" (hands held aloft and apart at an approximate distance which describes the size of the fish). If someone's talking about the way something moves, using your hands to visually describe the pattern of movement is often easier than trying to do it verbally and the same applies with direction.

As mentioned above, hands can also be used to emphasize a point in conversation. Often you will see people hold up two or three fingers when they verbalize the numbers 2 or 3 as a means of emphasis.

There are many other possible examples, so if it's something you're curious about it might be worth looking at websites or books which talk about non-verbal communication.

I do sometimes communicate with my hands, though I'm not sure if I do it in the way other people do.
I use my hands to emphasize the structure and rhythm of my sentences, but I rarely use gestures that display concrete things.

diniesaur, I am referring to hand communication in general conversation. I have tried looking them up, but I found nothing useful, just studies that assume I know things about body language I don't.

Interesting, so it is mostly used for exaggerations and movement...movement seems like it'd be a better medium for hand movements, but whatever works with people I suppose.

I have no hand communication. Could it be part of why I am misinterpreted often?

Yes. I have noticed that middle-aged aspies who are successful in communicating with NTs often use hand gestures when talking. This helps accommodate for monotone voice and lack of facial expression. I think that hand gestures are actually easier to memorize and incorporate into your communication than other body language. Body language is also a great way to interpret NTs because we are almost never aware of what we're doing, so you can see the "hidden meaning" behind words, even if you can't read faces. I strongly recommend putting the effort into learning to interpret NTs because I think it decreases stress having to live in a NT world. I also think it's worth it to learn to use body language yourself because then you can more effectively get your messages across and not have to deal with so much frustration in being misunderstood.

I found this on youtube, which I think is very helpful. But in that one the woman talking is speaking English with what I'm guessing is some kind of Scandenavian accent and that may be hard to understand.

This one is much shorter and gives you some very quick tips from an American guy. This might actually be a good one to start with. I also like this one a lot because it talks about how male and female hand movements are different and this is really important.

This one is perhaps the most basic if you're really having trouble. There are no words and you can't see the face of the person demonstrating the hand gestures, so you can concentrate on them. The gestures are international and all known meanings are explained, so you don't have to worry about accidentally offending someone in your country because you learned a gesture on a site from another country where that gesture has another meaning. Many hand gestures have dual meanings, where one meaning is obscene and the other is not, but the gesture is meant to mean both and is used in ordinary settings and is not usually meant to offend. This video does a great job of very simply explaining that while showing you the gesture.

Something to think about is that 1) all of these tutorials only apply to NTs. People might be stimming or have some other neurological problem and so NT body language rules don't apply in those cases. 2) it's good to remember that NTs are unconsciously applying these rules to you when they talk to you. So if you're stimming by drumming your hand against something for example, they will stop talking because they think you are impatient. Or if you're looking away they'll think you're NOT listening, when in fact it's usually exactly the opposite.

Interesting. I just don't understand why most people use body language over words...maybe it's because people tend to lie a lot. Either way, it's a good idea to learn how to read hand movements if only to imitate them. If only more people put more focus on words like aspergians do...

They can't help it. People don't know that they're using body language. It's an indicator of the internal states of other people but it is usually not meant as direct communication.

For example, let's pretend I'm talking with someone and she's making me uncomfortable. She might step toward me and I might step away. I'm not stepping away on purpose, because I wouldn't want to be rude or hurt her feelings. It would be hard for me to fake in ALL my body language that I liked her. She might pick up on my body language and realize I don't like her and she might not.

It's one of the ways in which NTs "read" each other when they don't even realize they're doing it. To aspergians, it looks like telepathy, and honestly it's not far off from telepathy. But yes, it can be learned and it's very useful.

It's a form of body language but I have always seen it as a stim they do. I move my hands too but I think it was learned behavior I did because I can remember watching people move their hands on TV so I would pretend to be like them and move my hands too like them when I speak. I saw others do it so I started to. I have seen aspies move their hands too when they talk. It means nothing to me. I am not sure if I do it right or not. I have seen a few people make a fuss about Temple Grandin's hand movement and my mom made a fuss about my ex boyfriend's hand movements. She said he did it the way a schizophrenic does it.

Only time I understand it is if someone is trying to create a picture for me and to describe where things are or what their home looked like. if someone is trying to describe how big something is, it makes sense why they would use their hands. They want to show you how big it is.

Although using hand movement when driving is not a good idea. If anyone gives me a problem for paying attention to the road just seems dangerous.

Apparently when we lie, our body langauge does not reflect the lie, it reflects the truth.

Body language and hand gestures are automatic for NT people, and some Aspies. You can unconciously pick up on some hand gestures, and with some minor concious thought use those when you next talk about a topic.

My mother cannot talk without using her hands - one of those ppl that i suspect if you tied them behind her back would be quite mute.

I tend to get distracted talking and mine dont match what im talking about - but you can sometimes see ppl's eyebrows knit together while your talking and that flags me that they have become distracted, so i mentally slow down and make less gesture's. You can watch ppl slip back into concentration again. Very unusual.

A magician on a show i watched recently disrupted a man on a train from remembering what stop he was supposed to get off at - his explanation was that with certian hand gestures made at inappropriate distances from a person you can confuse them enough to forget obvious things. Its an interesting concept with some elements of truth in it

Hmm...seems I do better creatively than most aspergians but worse socially.

Another thread that opened up my eyes.