I may have lost an ideal friend to the annals of time. :(

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Last year I met this person... completely randomly; I wanted to connect with someone due to an entactogenic state - something I certainly can not usually ever do. I went to the nearest couple of people I saw in a room and just talked to them (that is how liberated I felt)... they were playing chess; one of them clearly wasn't willing to talk very much, but the other one, with sort of odd expressions, seemed to happily continue on with my conversation. He was so passionate... and accepting; also just happened to have identical interests, somehow (especially of my foremost passion at that exact time).

He even came to my flat a couple of times and I noticed how perceptive he was. The second time, unfortunately, I was going through a subjective breakdown and didn't even remember he was coming, and my reception wasn't very friendly, to say the least.

He had this Allen Ginsberg book he said I might like; had only, thus far, merely heard of this poet of the beat generation, with most of the content being new to me - had no idea it was so unconventional, full of explicit descriptions of homosexual longings. Ever since that fateful end... I can't shake the feeling that this person, as greatly perceptive as he was, seemed to see right through me, and at the very least wanted to see my reaction to those explicit descriptions... but I am, yet again unfortunately, usually conservative in my expression, even though I don't repress my sexual desires (from myself).

Today I happened to watch the movie 'Howl' (my real introduction to Ginsberg), which I thought was amazing beyond subjective measure, but it sorely reminded me of how I lost contact with this person after his second visit. Allen's lifelong boyfriend was apparently called Peter, and this person just so happened to have the same name...