The average NT does not typically have over 50 friends
I don't know about how people's social lives are in the USA, but I've met a lot of NTs in my life and only one of them has over 50 true friends. She's the type who is always out partying and spends every evening and week-end of her life with lots of friends. But I've even heard other NTs talking about her saying that she doesn't ever give herself a break, and leaves all the housework to her husband and doesn't even want to see her own mum and dad because she's too wrapped up in her glamour lifestyle. Yes, there are plenty of people out there who are like that, but that does not define the average NT.
Maybe young people (teenagers, mostly) may have a lot of friends, but I've learnt that as people get older and get married and have children and jobs and other responsibilities, they haven't got time or don't even really want to be always out socialising 24/7. I have a relative (in her 40s) who is very extroverted and likes people, but even she can only count her friends on one hand.
I think the average person has a few close friends who they would call true friends, who they may see regularly and go out with and maybe chat to other people met through them and sometimes may get their number and keep in touch. Yes most NTs know a lot of people dotted around who they may often stop in the street to have a chat to, or neighbours they may see every now and again, or shop assistants they may know to chat to, but that doesn't always mean they're close enough to be true friends with. My mum knows loads of local people but doesn't actually meet up with them, and just stops and has a chat (mostly small talk), and she only has about 6 or 7 true friends who she sees maybe every week or even month.
Some may see this differently, but it's what I've kind of gathered over the years that the common NT does not have 50 or 100 real friends.
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I only have one true friend. We've been friends, enemies, and everything in between over the past 17 years.
My mom once sarcastically told me we should date because we could talk on the phone anywhere from like 1-4 hours without stopping.
We only talk about once a week or two but it usually is for 2-3 hours.
We have ourselves a long distance heterosexual bromance.
Anything else I have with other people (still very, very few) is either a good acquaintanceship or just a mutual knowing each others' names.
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outofplace
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Joined: 10 Jun 2012
Age: 51
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Yep, it's true. Most people only seem to have 5-10 good friends, and then a lot of people they're friendly with (people they may see once every week or month, and might occasionally get together with if at all). And you're right, once people get married they often stop socializing for a while. I know most of the married couples I know don't really do anything with anyone but each other, they may occasionally invite some people over for a bbq or something but that's about it. Even more so when kids are involved for obvious reasons.
I used to feel like I was so far behind socially because of my lack of friends, but only recently did I realize that honestly, most people don't have that many friends either. They just have a lot of good acquaintances, and it makes it seem like they have a lot of friends!
OliveOilMom
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Joined: 11 Nov 2011
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I have a few good friends, and lots of acquaintances. Sometimes I hang out with acquantances or talk to them on the phone or chat with them online, etc. There's a big difference between friends and acquaintances. I have 138 friends on FB, but only two of them are close enough to be considered friends.
While many people use the word "friend" to describe an acquantance, they don't usually mean it like a close friend.
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VAGraduateStudent
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Joined: 13 Apr 2012
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 340
Location: Virginia, USA
I have a best friend, and then maybe 10 friends who could all be "second best friends" but they rotate in significance because of where they live and how busy we each are. So one might be more important for awhile, but then things might change and then another might be more important instead. But this isn't mentioned, so you kind of pretend that you're always JUST AS IMPORTANT to each other. I probably have 20-30 people who I would call "friends" and who I see or talk to every few months depending on convenience.
I think that may be a difference. I think the rotating secondary friends thing is fairly common in NTs, but I'm not sure it is in people on the spectrum. I feel the best friend relationship is probably the same. And I think that sometimes both NTs and ASDs don't have a best friend at all.
You're right, but usually one thing NTs do better at is having a social circle and fitting into it well. So even though they do not have 50 close reliable friends, they have a social circle full of acquaintances they can call if they need something, or just to have around to not feel lonely. I've got about, besides my 3 good online friends, maybe 5 friends in real life currently. The problem is, I do not belong to any of their social circles anymore. So while I can see my individual friends, I do not have any activities involving the social circle.
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