I want to be an island

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Hey, I've been just a reader in these forums for some time now, but right now I feel the need to post something as there is not a person I feel I can talk to about this. I feel my life is going to ruins right now, I never had many friends but I somehow coped with everything that I lack in life, but yesterday I was so hurt and just disappointed with my whole life that I entered what I call my social meltdown mode. I feel like I want to be an island, I deleted my Facebook and anything related to socializing, I blocked the few acquaintances on my what's app, I avoid people, my parents, people I know, does anyone else know this?

Sounds like me in depression!

Try not to hurt yourself (and your future self) to much when in this state.

I I know I shouldn't act that way but it is the same when I shut down during conversations or go absent minded at party's because it is just too much, I just can't seem to stop or control it, I can't even talk in person to people right now, it's different via Internet though...

I deleted my Facebook too! It's such a waste of time!
Yeah, I don't usually like to be around others (unless its my best friends or brother) because they are not like me. I know how you feel. And women...heh, I've had no luck there lately! :/

With others its not that I never tried but its rejection, always and except for two friends I can't talk to people one on one because I fear these situations. I just want to be normal and form friendships but I just can't. That's probably why I'm thinking about admitting defeat and stay alone.

[quote="Broewe"... I feel like I want to be an island, I deleted my Facebook and anything related to socializing, I blocked the few acquaintances on my what's app, I avoid people, my parents, people I know, does anyone else know this?[/quote]

Yes, on and off throughout my life. There are times when I can only interact with my cats and other animals, but not humans.

I feel a sudden need to cut off people, to kick them out of my life and I know it has to do with my alexithymia because I usually realize too late when I need to change something.

That's exactly how I feel, unfortunately I can't have animals, I miss my cat Meggie so much, she was always there for me,in a way I felt closer to her than any human being as she just accepted me how I was being always there calming me.

I've done the same towards my big brother and big sister, mostly to my sister though.

Sister is too busy flexing her vagina overseas and my brother is too busy with surgeries.
I've never had a single intellectual discussion with my sister so she just feels like an outsider to me, and recently I've tried my best to dismiss her existence entirely.
My brother has been there for me many times, but I feel like he's expecting more pity for him and his leg, even though his life is like a dream for me. I've had minimal interaction towards him, and onetime I felt like blocking and removing from Facebook etc. I just don't think he understands

I've had these impulses of just removing every ounce of information of myself from the internet and start anew.
I've even had these moments where I want to block my closest friend who's in China, who doesn't understand me perfectly, but then I look back at the things that she has done for me so I start to feel like the whole thing would be a suicide if I ever tried to block all communication with her.

All in all, I just think these impulses come from lack of physical contact with friends~

This happens with me too.
3 years back i totally cut off contact with people, with my mom, bro, mother in law and almost everyone else i just shut off myself in my house and didnt even search for a job.

Now i reconnected with my mom, bro, mom-in-law but its just a diplomatic relationship we dont talk, interact etc....we just act cordial...though my mom doesnt act cordial also.

i have a separate facebook account where i have added people from wrongplanet and other sites but not those people whom i know personally. This account is there from a long time and i dont feel need to delete it etc.

One of my friends who was always using me and a year and half back she borrowed books etc she never called me up after that recently she tried calling me i didnt answer her call..........its been a long time and usually borrows things from me and its like a one way road of giving, giving i am tired of this socializing, making friends and relationship

I think i got over it ok. I just needed some me time I guess that's wht caused me to break down so badly. I was at university yesterday for 2 hours returned home, didn't talk to anyone, played my favorite game and it felt better. I still feel the exhaustion today it's just like handling everything drains me to the point where I need to shut all people out. Fortunately I have an easier time communicating via text messaging and so I talked with the girl I have feelings for. I know it probably won't work but although she has feelings for some other guy that just wants sex from her I will try and show her that I could be the right one for her because I like the way she is and how we can talk about many things and I'm not only interested on sex with her because of how she looks.

I know I might seem odd it's not that I don't want friends I just can't have it and get so frustrated with everything.

I know the feeling

I know exactly how you feel, that's how I feel right now.

I just wish I can shut down for a while and have someone turn me on years later, but the problem is people keep wanting to talk to me and I just don't reply, which goes against the aspies rule, since its called being rude.

Do you feel frustrated with everything including yourself?