Most people are not worth talking to.

Post Reply New Topic

I don't get on this site much. Because I'm always out in the field gaining skills and rarely get the time to confess my problems or be of any help to anyone who needs it unfortunately. I also maybe a little bit behind the curve compared to some people on here. So if this seems old just keep in mind that yes I am out of touch.

Now this is not the post of some bitter person with AS who deep down wishes he actually had some more friends in his life. I have evidence to support the subject title of this post.

You know one of the things that I have noticed ever since I have been diagnosed is that most people are g*d d&mn boring if you do not have any commonality, empaythy or interest with them. Especially where I live, Cincinnati Ohio. Great part of the country for raising children but if you want some excitement in your life not the place to be.

I'm from middle class German stock and I know how they are. Get to know them and they talk to you about the most stupid s**t imaginable. "Did I tell you about my Mom and Dad?. Well my Mom and Dad, my Mom and Dad, this was about 7 years ago. They took a trip to Frog Balls Arkansas......Just verbal diarrhea out the mouth." (George Carlin)

I work at a grocery store where my objective is to give customer satisfaction and at the same time try to limit their craving to talk to me about their mundane meaningless lives as much as possible. Sometimes its easy to do sometimes its not depending on how acute they are to reading my subtle body language.

I still like people but I prefer that they be in small groups of people whom I have something in common with. Anybody else feel this way?

YES YES YES. It's not just differences in interests, society encourages empty chit-chat and discourages discussion of more substantial topics. And some people just seem so empty on the inside, they couldn't come up with something interesting to say even if they tried. Some people love to talk just for the sake of talking. Strings of meaningless sounds could be tumbling out of their mouths, and they and people like them who are listening would still be perfectly happy to continue the "conversation."

I definitely avoid talking to these types of people.

"Society encourage empty chit chat" Yeah I here ya on that one. I personally would just rather not engage in it.

Yes, it is annoying. I can't stand those mindless celebrity shows, and idol shows, and other similar fare. I also can't stand mindless conversations in person. There are plenty of other things I'd rather be spending time on, instead of having to converse with someone about their personal trivia. Because of health problems, I have a hard enough time getting to everything I need and want to do, without wasting it on mindless babble. I am perfectly willing to talk about interesting stuff, but all too often that is not what other people want to discuss.

Agreed! I had to stop going to a certain chiropractor, because she would bore me with enthusiastic descriptions of how her dog got stuck climbing a fence, or gossip about celebrities. She would talk so much that she would lose focus and I would have to remind her to get back to work. Being a captive audience for this kind of drivel makes me crazy!

Hahahaha!! ! I had no friends in high school for this reason!
Yeah, I could only talk to people about video games (Which I played very little of) because everyone knew about em, but I really didn't care about how much time they wasted, or how much gold they earned in the level 5 dungeon, that and sometimes music, but people really only talked about how much time they wasted, or how everyone they know is a tool, which as you could understand wasn't that awesome to hear over and over.

MEANWHILE, I DIS-OWN EVERY FRIEND/ACQUAINTANCE I KNOW!! !!

Now I made friends all in the same group, with the same hobby and I would rather talk to them than anyone else I know. Funny thing is, I very heavily suspect every single one of them has aspergers (cept one), so does my Mom, which we both came to the conclusion on our own. Every one of my friends has a pretty similar story, and they're all heavily obsessed in this one field, they're all nerds, they're kinda awkward, would be completely socially unacceptable in a regular group, and a majority of them have either ADD, bipolar, or siblings with autism/asp.
Weird... but no one has admitted it yet. There's a chance I might be wrong, but I doubt it.

But still I find that even people who I have alot in common with are not EXACTYL like you. For instance, I have a friend who loves sports, do I like sports, hell no but I will lightly watch a game or two just to be able keep conversation going with him because I value his friendship.

That's a duplicitous thing to do. Who wants a friend who fakes interest in something? Why can't you just focus on things you do like doing together or talking about?

I wouldn't say that most people are boring, but the average persons interests tend to be different from my own. I too am not a fan of filler chat, I'm not a social person, so when I do chat to someone I would like for it to have some subsistence. Opposed wasting the energy that socializing zaps away from me on basically nothing.

Sometimes people can using meaningless chatter as a way to foot the ground or to see how engaged the other person is willing to respond, the best thing to do is to react with positive body language and interest if you are trying to form a conversation.

Yeah, people default to stupid smalltalk; the weather, gossip, pop culture and themselves. I'd much rather talk about ideas or the deeper truth about things.

The thing is, I'm convinced that most people (NTs included) would also rather talk about ideas, at least the ones they're somewhat familiar with. But there aren't many easy segways into such subjects. It's not like you can expect a customer to engage in a debate about consumerism and globalization at the checkout counter. Over a beer at the sports bar, it's unlikely that you'll convince an avid football fan to dive into a discussion about existentialism. That doesn't mean such things aren't interesting to these people it's just that it's almost taboo to speak about substance without first going through a lot of BS.

When asked "how are you?" in passing there are occasions where I'll truthfully answer "terrible". That takes people aback but it does open a door to conversation. No one really gives a s**t if you're doing well but if you're "terrible" that's actually kind of interesting! When we find ways to disrupt the knee-jerk words that come naturally, we go somewhere better.

Yeah, I think that's a good way to put it. I'm OK with the initial greeting (even the empty "how are you" part) and enjoy a conversation with substance, but how do you magically build that bridge in-between the two?



So how does a conversation actually continue after you say "terrible"? I can imagine it going OK if you were only joking (eg. you were annoyed about something, but it was only really a minor problem in the scheme of things). If you seriously feel terrible and are willing to say so I just can't see how any good conversation can result unless you're willing to completely open up to the other person about it and they're willing to accept that.

With my wife, the transition is natural - we're used to spontaneous discussions about interesting stuff. Her method of dragging me through the mall is to divert my attention with philosophical bantor. Retail workers will hear what we're going on about and they seem like they wish they were in on the conversation.

For people I don't know as well, building the bridge in-between the two is the really difficult part and I can't say I'm an expert on such things. After a few beers (or other intoxicants), I tend to be braver socially and I guess that helps in some situations. You can never go wrong asking questions about the other person since most people like talking about themselves. Sometimes a stray comment is all the opportunity you need to go deeper. Like if someone makes an off-hand complaint about his girlfriend troubles, you may segway into a more abstract discussion about gender-specific cognitive styles. Not that you want to talk specifically about that but I find subjects that can be universalized become more appealing.




After "terrible", the surprised acquaintence may ask, "Oh, why is that?". And then I may say, "I almost got killed by some bastard driver on the way home from work", leading us into a discussion about sh***y drivers and things people do that piss you off on the road (almost everyone can relate to that).

It's not because of small talk, it's because most people are just nothing but downright arrogant f***heads who think the sun shines right out of their buttholes even after they've not properly wept them.

As I've been studying social behavior, I've become less tolerant of stupid chit chat and people laughing at jokes that aren't funny. Sometimes when I'm especially irritated by it I engage in a sort of conversational terrorism that most people don't pick up on, but it makes me feel better in a mean-spirited way. I'm very neurotypical plus a I'm sociologist, so it's maybe easier for me to do this than a lot of people.

A good technique is to ask a really stupid question when someone else is saying something kind of stupid. They think you're mega dumb and explain it to you at a kindergarten level. Mid-way through the explanation everyone else realizes that you're making fun of them and it makes them look ridiculous. Another good one is to say things that have two meanings, or use words and phrases that sound like other words and phrases, so it tricks the other person into thinking terrible things. Another one is to say something technical that makes no sense and then when someone asks "what?" just say "nevermind" and start writing something down. It makes you look like you're so smart that no one understands you.

"I can't relate to 99% of humanity."

-Steve Buscemi in the movie Ghost World. In fairness, 99% is probably an exaggeration but not too much of one...I don't get "small talk" either. I actually despise conversations about the weather. I'm like...who cares? It's not like there's anything you can do about it.