Is this unreasonable?

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My mother makes a ground meat dish with spices. It is cooked on the stove.

I am unable to eat spicy food since it burns my mouth, throat, and stomach.

My mother and aunt like spicy food.

I suggested that the dish be prepared without the spices. Then take some of the dish and put it another pot
and add less spices to my portion. They can add whatever amount of spices they want to in the remaining portion.

My aunt complains that I am being unreasonable. She believes it is too much work do this and says
the dish can be cooked with less spices next time and they will all eat it. She implies that I am being difficult.

I don't understand this. It just doesn't seem like that much work to do this. An extra pot needs to be washed.
I volunteered to wash the extra pot.

What is the big deal?

i don't see where this would be a problem at all. my sister doesn't like kidney beans, so when my mom makes chili, she always takes my sister's out before adding the beans. same situation. i'd ask again next time. it's totally fair of you to volunteer to wash the extra pot.

Do they know that the spices cause you pain?

Can you offer to cook, then just make yours the way you want? Your suggestion isn't unreasonable though.

I have parents like that. Their policy is that you eat what's put in front of you, no ifs, buts or maybes. I have a lot of difficulty with complicated or unpredictable food, but I still have to eat it if it is prepared.

They also don't let anyone prepare their own alternative-everyone has to eat the same thing. I honestly can't think of anything short of a food allergy that would make them relax this policy.

It's unreasonable because the spices have to be cooked together with the meat in order to give it their flavor.

In the same pot, a second portion can be cooked without spices at all, and the very flavors that are left in the unwashed pot will season your meat enough for it to be tasty yet not burning hot for you. No need for a second pot. It's extra energy (gas or electricity), though and it's doing the cooking process (checking, stirring) twice. You could offer to do that, and that way you'd also learn how to make that dish.

Go on a "Hunger strike" when they cook something you don't want to eat. Simply excuse yourself from the meal and don't eat.

Alternatively, you could buy your own food, cook it yourself to your liking, and eat it alone.

Either way, stop being dependent upon others for your nourishment.

I'm surprised because I thought only Argentinians and Uruguayans knew adobo...

We indeed use the adobo mojado and the adobo seco in Arg/Urug. If you buy it dry (seco), It's oregano, garlic, chilli pepper and thyme. If you make it at home, it's more or less as you quoted below: crushed garlic, olive oil, salt, orégano, lemon juice and/or vinegar. Yummmmmy!

I'm curious of what ethnic origin the OP's spicy meat is?

I would say that if it's only occasional (less than once or twice a week) that they make something you can't eat, then you should just find something else for that night. I cook here, and it's hard to find more than just a very few meals that will please everyone. Most of the time, one person will just not eat that particular dinner. If they were to ask me to cook them a seperate meal on those nights, I would feel that it's unreasonable.

What I usually do is this. I cook several things for each meal and there is at least one side dish that each person can find to eat. I also have other things on hand like cereal, eggs, sandwich stuff, leftovers from other nights, that they can heat up. I cook for 6 people every night so it's not possible for me to please everyone, every time. It's understood.

My oldest daughter cannot eat spicy stuff because of stomach problems of her own, so I do make sure there is an alternative there for her. If I cook something like chilie, then I make two pots of it. One hot, one not. If I'm cooking a particular dish that I know she likes, then I will cook her a seperate portion without the hot stuff.

If it's less than one or two nights a week, then it really is unreasonable to ask her to make the two pots. It's more work than it actually sounds like to just make one extra pot of something. Unless the only thing that is involved is to put a portion in another pot to the side, and then add the other spices, it's probably going to tick her off.

I'd say find out in advance what she's cooking that week and stick a frozen dinner in the freezer for that night. Or make sure there is something else on hand, or even just go get you some takeout that night.

If she does this over half the time, then I'd suggest keeping other food on hand for you to cook for yourself those nights.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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