Aspies losing ability to make female friends

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It seems that your typical aspie male has female friends, if he has friends at all. I used to be that way, too. But in the last few years, things have switched. Even as I thought my social skills had improved, women suddenly got much colder to me, just as certain guys became friendlier. The tipping point seemed to happen during a period lasting from 2009 to earlier this year when I started dating. But I am by no means hit on a lot (or I am oblivious if I am) and have to work very hard to get anything more than a first date, in spite of being rather good looking.

Now most of my friends (I don't have a ton) are Asian and African American males (I am mostly white) and one white male. But even most white guys seem friendlier than before. I miss women as friends though. I've moved around a lot, so I haven't lost many friends per se; it's just been a gradual shift.

So what is happening, and can anyone identify? And what's the solution? I really never approach women because I'm afraid of not being able to take their subtle hints if they rebuff me and getting in trouble (it's a fear I have, but it's never happened).

I wish I had an explanation for you as it has happened to me too. I think some of us might be giving off the impression of "all or nothing" to women and that turns them away.

^ Perhaps. Also, in general, speaking as a woman around your age, many girls may avoid guys as friends in fear that they will get hit on. Girls can be very picky with guy friends, and if they see hints of desperation with a guy (i.e. hitting on them too soon or after hints that they only want friendship), they tend to steer clear of a guy after that. I'm not saying that you do these behaviors, but just to be more cautious of your behavior around girls as they are always on the alert for things like this.

I tend to think, if anything, my behavior is the opposite. I am more often the recipient of unrequited flirting than the cause, just because I miss the cues. About a year ago, I was dating a girl and met some of her friends, and afterwards, my date said, "She was hitting on you pretty bad. Thank you for ignoring her." I honestly had no idea ... BUT thanks for giving me credit ...

To the poster above, could you explain the "all or nothing" idea? And did this happen right after you started dating also?

Gotta also say ... I get hit on and attempted picked up by gay guys like all the time now. What's pathetic is I sometimes don't even know that's what they're doing. I had a very ambiguous case in a bar last night that I can't figure out ... I dumbly gave him my number ... What we have is truly a silent disorder. We make other people's nonverbal signaling systems go haywire.

Some women may look at you as just friends. Sometimes you date someone for an extended period of time and it isn't working out. They offer friendship and you decide to leave her behind rather than take the offer. This is the "all or nothing" attitude that women hate dealing with. Some though will agree that it's best to leave the people they were with in the past and not have anything to do with them moving forward. This may make any future encounters with the an ex difficult because you both may not be on the same wavelength in your feelings towards eachother, especially if one hasn't moved on while the other has.

i have noticed something simular, but i managed to turn it around before it got too bad.
i suspect this directly ties into your social ability; if you are largely awkward, you are considered "safe" to be around, since you wont try anything, you well be seen as something simular to a sitcoms "gay best friend" (whether you are gay or not is irrelevant).
if your social ability increases, you are likely to start behaving more like your peers, and actively show interest in girls/women. due to that, you are no longer "safe" and will be pushed away a bit, from a good friend down to a standard/casual one.

The opposite happened to me: when I was younger, my friends were all guys. Lately, I have been developing more friendships (I use the term loosely here: I do not really have friends, just acquaintances) with women than men. Maybe it is due to my usual lack of interest in women (I am heterosexual, but I am inclined towards asexualism).

I would theorize that as you social skills improved, you began to display more male qualities, thus moving you from the gay best friend who's not gay/big brother/protector role to a more dateable material role.

Now you are behaving more like a guy, this enabling you to relate better to guys.

That is actually encouraging, in a way, if true. But what is a good way to relate to women without threatening them?

I am not interested in dating most of these women. I am well aware of who is out of my league (the vast majority of women), and I would never date a woman whom I thought to be out of my league, even if she were interested.

So tips?