Trying to maintain relationships outside of my marriage

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My husband and son have aspergers. My husband has cost me two jobs and my son one job. I am not angry about this, i love being a stay at home mom. But sometimes i need adult time. I could make friends easily, earlier in our marriage, and then when we would hang out, my husband would say something, cause a scene, and then no more hanging out. Then my husband would tell me that i caused it and I need to change and learn how to behave in social settings. So then i tried to have friendships that were mine,but eventually it leads back to family cookouts, birthday parties, my husband wandering away from me, men asking me who i came with, and then my husband saying something to my friends, and no more friendship. Then he tells me i need friends. He doesn't wantto talk to me. I spend my days running the kids places, helping with home work, cleaning the house, its come to the point that i dont seem to know how to have a even an acquaintance with other stay at home moms. They dont have the same issues. I end up feeling like a freak. It is emotionally stressful to deal with my son who is now in high school, explaining the nuances and navigational tools of socializing, and then dealing with my husband who is constantly fussing because everyone is out to get him at work. I love them both. And i know i can do this. How do i separate it? How do i learn to be socially functional again when i do get to hang out? Thanks for any advice

aspergers is something society should be more embracing of, but it is not a license to act like a jerk.

even if someone is unintentionally being a jerk, it's their responsibility to shape up

a person with AS who is struggling socially, needs to stop blaming and justifying, look themselves in the mirror,
and say " i need to work hard to changing"

Find a way to socialize, even if it's by yourself.
You don't have to bring your husband everywhere you go. That may sound odd, but it's something that I do on occasion myself.
Socializing is good for the human brain.
It can make a mind feel better, appreciate the people around you even more.

Alone time is good for Aspies, too. He may look forward to it. I would.

@minervx--i can only change me. He sees the problem as me and therefore in his mind i need to change and make things work for him and make him acceptable.

@abyssquick--i dont take him everywhere anymore. Ive just noticed that i dont fit in anymore even when i go alone. I keep replaying all the things he has said to me in my head. I just wondered if anyone else felt so isolated. I spend all my time with the kids, so i dont have the same topics of conversation that others do. Its on me, i know. I will figure it out.

My Dad has Aspergers (no diagnosis but if he doesn't have it, then nobody does!) and I think my Mother has felt the same way you do for a very long time. She was also a stay at home mother and became very isolated and quite depressed - my Dad wouldn't go anywhere with her and if she ever invited anyone home he would manage to make them feel very uncomfortable. He also blamed her for well, everything. This behaviour isn't inevitable with Aspergers, your husband might not enjoy socialising but there is no need for him to blame you.

In recent years she has started meeting people through hobbies and attempting to keep them from meeting my father. I have suggested she simply tell people 'My husband is working away' or that he works very hard and is too busy for socialising. This gives her a get-out without her having to speak about him disrespectfully, and it is also the truth as my Dad does work very hard.

Perhaps you could also search online for an AS support group where you could meet other parents or spouses in the same situation. I hope you find someone to talk to, in the meantime you can talk to us, if you think that will help