Snapping at someone I did not like

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Last night,
I had a get together at my house for a belated Thanksgiving Dinner at my place which I do every year by inviting friends over who I like. This time, I invited someone else new over and she said "Yes." I like her a lot too since she was a sweetie. However, she asked me if she could bring over two of her friends and I said sure.

One of these people though, I cannot stand but I decided to say "Yes," to give her a chance anyway since I did not want to be too judgmental. However, when she was over, I found that she seemed to say things in my house that got on my nerves.

So, I ended up getting a little snippy with her since she was at my house.

Two examples:
IE- She said that she was glad that the cat was not in the house because she is allergic to them and sneezes. I said "Well I am allergic to you too." I also gave a fake sneeze because she made me mad.

Then I was talking about my family tree and cut in, "How do you know this stuff? Did you take a DNA test?"
I told her we had documents of my genealogy. She cut in one more time, "How do you know that?,"

I repeated myself, "I told you I have proof stupid."

The other girl made me apologize. I said I was sorry and she said, "I'm not wounded," which I knew she was.

Yes, I was rude and I am normally not like that anymore. I just did not feel like she was respecting me as a hostess in addition to really not looking like she was all that excited to be there other than being with her friend. Yes, I am sure she does not want to come back after that. Yet, I don't want her around either.

On the other hand, I would like to have the girl over who I like a lot and her other guy friend.

Whenever I invite this new girl over and she asks if the other girl can come, how can I put my foot down?

Talk to the friend you do like and tell her your concerns. Do not say "I don't like her". That would make her less likely to take you seriously. Say individual things that piss you off which she does, and try not to rant.

"Your friend always interrupts me when I am talking, it makes me angry."
"She says that she's glad that the cat isn't in the house, this irritates me greatly."
"I am very irritated with your friend, can you ask her not to do X things?"

I'm sorry to say that barring her completely from the house may cause you to get a negative opinion from the one you do like. Try to communicate, let your friend and this girl you don't like know that you are upset when it happens. For example, instead of being snarky, say "that irritates me", or if you snap at her before you can stop yourself (really this is the perfect chance) apologize like you mean it (whether or not you do) and address the issue with her directly.

And whatever you do, don't serve either a ultimatum. NTs DO NOT respond well to ultimatums and are more likely to say "f*ck you" at that point than to cooperate any further.

I've been in the same situation, and after I did the things I just listed above, I was able to get along well with the other girl. However, our outlooks may not be exactly the same, so...

It's not about being fearful of anyone.

An ultimatum is a last resort. NT's will practice diplomacy for a long time before finally resulting to an ultimatum. For a lot of AS people who might lack those skills, they go right to the ultimatum. It also could be in part due to the more binary thinking.

I'd say "Do you REALLY want to bring her over again?" if she asks.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

I like the last comment myself about her coming over in the future. I was also able to talk to a friend about it when I went over to their house this afternoon for Holiday left overs. She said that it sounded like we bring the worst out in each other and that I should really put my foot down next time. For starters, this woman is one of those people who has a mouth on her, and is an NT. However, she appears to have very poor social skills herself. This while seeming whine all the time.