I want to be friends with him but getting no response

Post Reply New Topic

I want to become friends with an aspie guy I know. I am NT. I see him now and then and we talk briefly but we don't spend time with eachother. Sometimes I call or email him, inviting him to activities/events with either small groups or just one on one. But he doesn't respond to me. He doesn't email or call back. I wish he would just tell me that he doesn't want to spend time with me if thats how he feels.

If I was getting this lack of response from an NT I would have given up long ago. But because he is an aspie, I don't know if he is doing this on purpose or not. Should I keep trying or just give up? I feel feel pathetic for trying as long as I have.

It's difficult to say exactly what the issue might be.

There is a very real chance that he is not interested in friendship, but it's not personal. Some aspies prefer to be alone.

Some aspies do not enjoy social situations at all, so he may not be responding because he can't handle the social situations. Some aspies also don't like to leave their rooms any more than unnecessary.

It's also possible that he does not know how to relate to you.

Without knowing more about him it's hard to say, but if your actions are lighting up your desire to be friends like a Christmas tree, I'd say he's prob one of the first two.

I have a feeling he doesn't like me. He goes to events and hangs out with a small group of people.

My ideal relationship with him is that we will become close friends (or more than friends) where he feels comfortable talking to me about anything. And I would know how to best communicate with him and learn to say what I mean. I also want to support him in his interests.

I don't know why I feel so drawn to this guy. But I want to be his friend if he'd let me.

It's hard to say exactly what could be going through his mind, but there are several possibilities. Sometimes if you are ridiculed your entire life, you learn to not trust people. You can't tell between malicious teasing and friendship, and it's easier and less risky to assume that everyone is tricking you into doing something. I'm speaking from personal experience when I say that. I've been tricked before, so I started to get very wary of everyone.

As far as befriending him, let him know verbally that you want to be friends. If he declines or ignores you, then you have to give up. Don't be too pushy. Let him come to you on his terms.

For me, I'm waaaay more sociable around people I'm familiar with socializing with. When people join the "cluster" I'm in, they are the minority approaching me and my safe group of friends, which is much better than, say, solitary me trying to engage a group or even one person. If I were him, I might like you very much, but not know how to approach you.

Is it possible you could get to know his group and use that as the foundation for your relationship with him? If not, I'll admit when I was single, my wife made all the moves to make us an item; I was clueless as how to initiate that. He may be also.

Did you ever get a response? Are you sending to the correct e-mail address?

Update: He didn't call me back. I'll probably see him in passing at some point this weekend. I'm not planning on initiating a conversation but I still wish he would talk to me.

You're even more attracted to him because he's unavailable. That's why you see him as special.

Life is too short. Go for someone who reciprocates. You just have to meet lots of people. You're an NT, so make the most out of your social skills! You don't realise how lucky you are to have them.

Instead of giving up on him, why not just ask him if he wants to be your friend? Maybe he's just really nervous. I've turned down several invitations and dates just because I was nervous.