Was I in the wrong, what do you think of this situation?

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NateRiver
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09 Dec 2012, 11:48 am

....



Last edited by NateRiver on 09 Dec 2012, 4:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

ProvokesThinking
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09 Dec 2012, 11:50 am

Are they aware of your autism?



NateRiver
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09 Dec 2012, 11:51 am

ProvokesThinking wrote:
Are they aware of your autism?



Yes, they are.



ProvokesThinking
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09 Dec 2012, 12:06 pm

NateRiver wrote:
ProvokesThinking wrote:
Are they aware of your autism?



Yes, they are.


I think you have the same problem as more people with autism, you interpret their behaviour wrong and they get angry at you because it feels like an attack if you criticize them at something of which you can't be sure that it was directed to you.



NateRiver
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09 Dec 2012, 12:10 pm

ProvokesThinking wrote:
NateRiver wrote:
ProvokesThinking wrote:
Are they aware of your autism?



Yes, they are.


I think you have the same problem as more people with autism, you interpret their behaviour wrong and they get angry at you because it feels like an attack if you criticize them at something of which you can't be sure that it was directed to you.



They said the status was about me, but not just about me.



windtreeman
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09 Dec 2012, 1:09 pm

You probably shouldn't wholeheartedly trust my advice because I've certainly messed up a few friendships ;) but I would have done most of the things you did. I mean, how can you tell someone with an abusive stepmother, a dad who tried to smash your head into the car window and an autism spectrum disorder to stop moping? That's a cruel and heartless response and of course, I mean, OF COURSE her status was in relation to what you'd said and her defense that it wasn't purely relevant to you sounds like a blatant lie. In your situation (and I have) I would have have deleted her as a friend as well. If a 'friend' makes you feel substantially worse, they don't deserve to be your friend. It's also really unfortunate they coerced you into apologizing only to cause you more pain by blocking you. All of that said, I probably wouldn't have had a male friend lure her on but only because I would have wanted to be 'in the right' at the end of everything, knowing that I'd done my best, I'd apologized and the fallout of the relationship, in the end, was her doing. I totally understand your motivation, though. I don't think you were the bad guy, I think you reached out for help during an awful time from someone you thought you could confide in only to be mocked and that's worth a friend-delete any day.


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09 Dec 2012, 1:24 pm

^ I agree with the poster above. "Stop moping" is not an appopriate response to: "my Dad tried to smash my head through a car window." 8O

Perhaps this ex-friend of yours has a lack of compassion for others, or has had an easy life and she does not like hearing about nasty things that happen to other people. Perhaps she wants you to talk only about cheerful things. That's what it sounds like to me, based on her comment of "moping chats no, cheerful chats yes."

That sounds like the demand of a superficial, pampered kind of person who has had an easy life and does not want to talk about, or think about, the nasty things that happen to other people. She just wants to be happy and have fun all the time, and demands that people only talk to her about nice things.

Well, that is not called being a friend. When you are somebody's friend you are supposed to CARE about them. I mean, even the people on this forum (myself included) seem to care more about the fact that your dad was so mean and violent to you.

There is another possibility, of course. Since we're only hearing your side of the story perhaps you have neglected to mention that you are a person who complains and mopes a lot? Perhaps you are always moaning to this friend, all the time, about your problems, and that one last complaint was like the straw that broke the camel's back. I do not know. Based on your version of events, it sounds more likely that SHE is in the wrong, and that she is a very bad friend.



Magnus_Rex
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09 Dec 2012, 1:43 pm

If I understood it correctly, you had a friend impersonate somebody she likes, flirt with her and then insult her?

That is probably wrong, but I still admire your manipulative skills. Unless you really mope a lot, she deserved it. :twisted:


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antifeministfrills
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09 Dec 2012, 2:17 pm

NateRiver wrote:
I met this girl online and we became good friends for about 3 years.
One day, I was really depressed because I did really badly on this exam and my dad tried to smash my head into the car window so I was really suicidal.

I told my good friend about this and she advised me to 'stop moping'. The next day she posted as her status:-" Moping chats no!! ! cheerful chats yes!!". Consequently, I got very mad at her causing me to delete her as a friend.

Afterwards, I spoke to her cousin saying I did not like her and I would rather never speak to her again. Her cousin advised me to talk to her, but I was really shocked, upset and scared of what would happen next.

The following day, her cousin was mad at me because my 'good' friend did not like being accuse of something she did not do because the status was not exclusively about me. I still thought it was an offensive thing to have done, but I didn't care. I wanted everything to be okay because I loved my friends very much.

I apologized to her( she didn't apologize back) and we spoke to each other, thinking everything has been settled. My thoughts changed about this when the next day her cousin and my good friend blocked me for no reason, I was very confused, upset and angry.


I decided to get my friend to impersonate as a guy similar to someone that my good friend really loves. My other friend flirted with her and then left the chatroom blurting insults. I was very mad, I wanted her to feel what I felt having someone who you really care about turn on you.

Her cousin and her sent me hate messages such as:-" You're the worst, I'll never forgive you!" and that my abusive stepmother was going to get me as karma.

This is all online by the way, I just want to know if I was the bad guy in this. Frankly, I don't think so.


It's difficult to judge because I don't know everything that was said, but if she was literally just like 'stop moping' when you told her what had happened, then I think that's insensitive of her. I can also understand you being upset by that status. It's understandable that they sent you hate messages for getting revenge the way you did, though. I'm assuming you're all 15 or so?



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09 Dec 2012, 2:27 pm

They tell you to cheer up because they are not interested in your problems and they use the you being negative thing to justify their bad actions towards you without looking deeper to your real problem, because they simply don't care about you.

I know plenty of people like them.

It's a socially accepted way of being apathic and getting away with it.

Most people are friended with others because of their status and when these certain others are starting to have striking personal issues, their status drops and they get unfriended by the majority, because people with issues aren't "cool" and "trendy".



NateRiver
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09 Dec 2012, 3:12 pm

Magnus_Rex wrote:
If I understood it correctly, you had a friend impersonate somebody she likes, flirt with her and then insult her?

That is probably wrong, but I still admire your manipulative skills. Unless you really mope a lot, she deserved it. :twisted:


How was I manipulative?



Magnus_Rex
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09 Dec 2012, 3:25 pm

NateRiver wrote:
How was I manipulative?

Convincing somebody to impersonate another person in other to get revenge is manipulative. And brilliant.

P.S.: May I call you "Near"? :P


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DISCLAIMER: It should be noted that, while I strongly suspect I have Asperger's syndrome, I am not diagnosed. Nevertheless, my score on RAADS-R is 186, which makes me a pretty RAAD guy.

Sorry for this terrible joke, by the way.