pen-pals disappearing

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I used okcupid to message random people who said on their profile they would interested in pen-pals
on my profile I'm honest about everything except my autism, to which I usually disclose after the 2nd day. But it seems by the 3rd day everyone disappears.
The last person to disappear on me, wrote this:

at first she used something in her message

to which I said, well I'm going home. Google'ing "keep in touch" suggests that women uses this to gently say they they are the bigger person to say they will be friends (which is ok with me) as long as I don't pester them. I took this into account when I replied to her.

Then later the evening I strike up another conversation and she was laughing as in typing hahaha in her messages. So I thought great, I'm not pestering we are having a good conversation and friends could be possible. I finished by saying I'm tired and will go to sleep and some other stuff about her job seeking, I write positively about her personality and that it was great.
so the last message that I got from her was this:

I only got to read it the next day because I switched off and went to sleep. I thought I could strike up another conversation, only to find her account was deleted.

The pattern doesn't seem to be people deleting their accounts but people just simply stop communication with me. So I must be doing something wrong, even if my intention from the start is to be long distance friends or pen-pals. Am I writing any hidden ulterior motive in my messages. Is this common for most guys?

We're not going to be able to tell if you're doing anything wrong without seeing what you're posting. Copy/paste some of the stuff you're writing into here?

But it could just be that they are not able to reply for whatever reason..... If someone has a busy life they might be too tired to go on OKCupid when they get home. I don't know, though

I deleted a conversation and the tracking seems to take everything with it. oh well, ignore this thread then

OkCupid is a dating site. If you're looking exclusively for penpals that's not a good choice. I made similar experiences on Plenty of fish, stated on my profile that I'm only looking for email contacts, no dating, but women on dating sites usually expect that you're asking for a date.
On social networking sites you'd find that they are either also too much into sex and dating, or too lazy to respond. Many people there are simply collecting hundreds of so--called friends without ever getting to know them.

You could try this one,
http://penpals.phk.at/index.php

It works fairly well for me so far.

Have you build friendships or only acquaintances? Do you only initiate contact the first time?

Did you write too long? I sometimes do that on Skype or similar messaging programs. That annoys people. Getting too personal or complaining, also. Also, when they complain about their problems, that is not the time to bring up your different, remotely related or unconnected problems.

For pen pals, foreign girls are a good choice because there's something exotic or "different" about you to keep them interested.

probably, most of my messages were at least 3x the size than theirs. Perhaps I ramble too much and talk about my own interests. Instead of following their queue. But doesn't this feel trapped? If you are always dependent on their interests.

That is your problem.

NT's on gchat or Skype usually send one-line messages. Your interests may also not be interesting to them (I know where you're coming from). If I rambled on and on about Marxism, China, and baseball statistics, I doubt even most aspies would stick with me.

that is so true, I'm now currently trying to chat again with someone, where the last sentence always ends with ...
Everything seems to be left open for interpretation and as my imagination is quite wild, it triggers so many possibilities that I seem to go off track quite quickly. I try to stick to the topic and follow what they say. But man it feels like such hard work all the time. Almost like they are flirting with me, even though I said pen-pals. I wonder if this is just part of normal conversation for NTs

You have trouble interpreting it in writing too? Yeah ... See, I have an impossible time getting social cues in person, but most things are fine in writing (or even on the phone).

So maybe my suggestions will not help you.

One thing I'd like to point out though and something I struggle with also is rigid categories. A lot of NT communication between genders is flirty or quasi-flirty. It's one of the perks of opposite-gender friends in our culture. I don't get it. I can't replicate it very well. But it is what it is.

What I've learned is that in friendships (don't listen to me, I'm horrible) or dating (I've been more successful here), as well as dancing , it's best to be the passive one and let the NT chart the course.

I had one real good friendship there, she contacted me and then we exchanged emails on an almost daily basis for several months.

Another one rejected me, however with kind words, nothing offensive, because I made clear in my profile that I'm not interested in children, family stuff or commonplaces like food etc.

For the last few months I lacked the time to maintain looking for penpals, however I can really recommend that site because you can also set filters for browsing other members and introduce yourself on your profile.

I'm not luckier with pen pals than real life people, that's why I always say nonverbals as in body language is not my problem.

I was talkin to someone on POF and they said they were leaving the site for personal reasons. They also stated that they would like to continute talking, and if i was interested, they listed an email address and a phone number.

I contacted this person via email and never heard anything back. Maybe i should have phoned. Who knows!

I think if you are lucky enough to get to the 'sending pictures of your pets' to each other stage i think its fairly good

When the conversation gets like that, it's your opportunity to ask something about the other person. People love to talk about themselves, so think about something general the other person might like and ask them about it. Perhaps this could be their pets, what they do for work, what they took in school, any special skills they have, and what they enjoy most. Take a look at their profile for things you can ask about.

I've done the same to a lot of people in the past by cutting off communication.

At first I felt like I was able to write 10 pages full of stuff and then it became a chore once my interest was dropping like a stone.
I'm bad at saying goodbyes so I just blocked people knowing that would hurt them. Nowadays I'm more careful in choosing who I give more attention towards.

And this has happened towards me as well. Once I knew this amazing Korean girl who's living in US and we wrote everyday with long ass emails, until one day she said "I received your heartwarming email and I will reply my full feeling when I'm not busy!" Then after a few days she deleted her Facebook profile and email address.
That hurt me a lot to be honest, but I've gotten over her. Maybe she got her accounts hacked, but I doubt it~

The same happened with another Korean girl. Both of them were from OKcupid.
I've been using Interpals lately and there are much more interesting people.
Cupid tends to draw weirdos and people with problems~

What I've learned, not everyone likes to write long messages.
Sometimes when I meet someone who replies with a half assed reply to my longish mail, I tend to stop talking to them all together.
I don't even bother replying to people who say "Hey how r u? :)" or "You are cute ;)"
That just screams 'personality-comparable-to-a-rock'

Many times I've tried to give these people a chance, but the conversation goes f*****g nowhere.
Maybe I just don't know how to handle people like this though.... Not that I want to be honest >_<

Surprised given that there ARE people who want to chat and stuff.

I find it hard to talk to people when they don't make the effort, and I do think "why bother using Skype when you don't talk much?"

For me, I use Skype and ignore all other tasks...but others don't see it the same way.

One person I know (or knew...depending), is away but still updating their status of what they are doing! <_< (Just turn off Skype damn you!) Doesn't help that they are not talking to me but pining for people who I have personally talked to who are very dull and uninteresting.