Sexism is straining my friendship.

Post Reply New Topic

I've got a very good friend, who is female and also an Aspie. She and I have known each other for years, we've both played and worked together countless times. Lately our relationship has been strained by small sexist comments that get made.

I'm sure this is going to shock everyone, but the sexist comments are coming from her, not me. I try my best to not make jokes that demean women or talk about men as being superior, because I know that it's wrong. She doesn't feel the same way, and she will frequently make derogatory statements about males.

Two examples from last night are "Women don't need to ask directions when we drive, we know where we are going." or "Don't argue with us, we're always right." I don't think she realizes that statements like these are hurtful, no matter what sex they're directed at. I want to try and explain to her that this isn't okay, but I feel pretty alone on this, since every other man seems to just let her, or worse agree with her to avoid confrontation.

Any advice, friends?

tell her what you told us. plain as day.

After working with the public for many years, most recently a 5 year term in Retail on Interstate. I have to say that I have learned two things
about women.

1: They DON'T ask for directions. That does not mean they know where they are going. but in the five years I've done this, I can count the number of times a woman has asked for directions on one hand. Perhaps they send their husbands or boyfriends in to do the dirty work.

And..

2: Don't argue with women. They may not always be right, but they WILL win the argument. Women are more likely to enter an argument with you, and already know the truth, just to see what they say. Excellent tactics by my book.

The moral is don't take it personally. Nearly every woman I know has said these things, and I'm quite sure they aren't aspies. Don't take it to heart. As you said, you two are very good friends, so keep your chin up, and chalk it up to chivalry on your part.

I used to be friends with a woman like that. She used to pick arguments with me just for the cheap thrill of it. The best part of my friendship with her was dumping her. That is, telling her she means nothing to me, forbidding her to ever call me again, and lodging a complaint against her with the police. (The officer called her and yelled at her.) I later heard from mutual friends that she was crying over losing my friendship. I didn't shed a single tear; I was glad she was out of my life for good. I feel sorry for her future husband, though. Then again, not really; if he doesn't know what he's getting into, that's not my problem.

I suggest you do what I did, and kick her out of your life. While you may miss her a little bit at first (or you might not miss her at all), you're going to feel much better about yourself in the long run. Any woman who hates men (and by extension, you) isn't worthy of your friendship. And hopefully, losing a friend will knock her arrogance down notch or two.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 14 Apr 2014, 12:38 am, edited 4 times in total.

Gotta say I also don't see how those statements are hurtful. They sound arrogant and ridiculous, which just makes her look silly, but hurtful? No, I don't get that.

I second that emotion

Because the statements express that she believes she is superior to me. I hate that.



That was actually my first instinct, but I know that I have a tendency to overreact, so I wanted to get a few second opinions first. Once I remove her from my life, it's likely to be permanent, so I won't do it until I've tried other things, like talking about with her.

Mind you that sexist insults (unless they are unintentional) are usually ideology-related and not independent.

For example, calling someone an ass hat is an independent insult but sexist, racist and many other -ist-comments tend to reflect the speaker's ideals and are thus more deeply rooted. Even if she stopped, her ideals can manifest in different ways in the future unless she changes parts of her world view.

Don't put up with it.

These women and girls who say "Women are always right" or "Even when women are not always right, there's no point in arguing with them because they will always win" are simply sexist. No questions asked.

It's generalizing and stereotyping the entire world. When women say this they are saying the entire women of planet earth will always be right and win every argument with a male, and that the entire men of the entire earth will always lose an argument or are always wrong.

Why put yourself through women who treat you that way and say things such as that?

Don't let it ruin your friendship, but don't stand for it/put up with it either.

I myself am a woman and reading what you are telling me, not only is she sexist but also feminist. She also sounds like she is just plain arrogant and you need to set some boundaries with you. If she cannot respect where you are coming from just let her go.

l'd say that it doesn't have much to do with sexism. She sounds simple minded and parrots supposedly clever catchphrases to give herself an emotional stroking. This is like emotional masturbation and it is embarrassing to be around someone who indulges in it.

she is definitely sexist, no doubt there, but i think it's unfair to call her a feminist. feminists want equality, that doesn't sound like what this woman is looking for.

i would tell her what she says bothers you because it's wrong and offensive. if she doesn't think so and can't see why what she says bothers you even after you explain it, i'd say cut your losses and tell her to piss off because she's not a real friend.