How to get people to leave me alone - politely
My cousin left me a message to call her back, I know she's going to invite me to stay or something. After decades of being kicked around I've honestly given up on the whole social thing, I just don't have anything left in the tank and I'm exhausted. I don't want friends or friendly overtures, I would rather stay home by myself no matter how lonely and depressing it is. So I didn't ring back. What do I tell her if she calls again? I don't know her - I only bumped into her for the first time in ten years. If I tell her how I feels I'll either sound crazy or rude. I don't want to sound either of those things, I just want to extract myself from the situation as quickly as possible. Its upsetting me to a point that's ridiculous.
Having days or weeks or months I wish to be left alone, I try to be honest and just say I don't really feel up to it. During those times I am emotionally spent and seriously tired. So I typically say I am very tired, or just not in a good mood. It seems to work. That being said, even being polite like that, some people just pressure you even more. I don't like that, but sometimes it does seem to help getting out. It's up to you. Expressing you don't want friends may take her aback, or cause her to worry.
I completely understand what you are going through. I have been there myself. I have found that saying you are very busy and can't possibly find the time works very well. I had someone bugging me to meet up repeatedly and it was totally stressing me out. I also find socializing very stressful. I would just say ' that sounds great, but I am really busy right now, I don't know when I will be able to. I'll let you know.' After this happened a few times, she finally stopped asking. In order to not come across as rude, try to say it in a friendly and apologetic way. (Pretend you want to meet but can't)
Being busy, with work or appointments, is considered a valid reason to not be able to meet someone, and people won't argue with it. It is a good idea to have an actual example of something you are doing, in case they ask.
vk2goh, I'm sure sometimes people will think I'm making excuses. I doubt it would come across honestly to someone that is not familiar with me. But family, friends, and coworkers rarely argue much. If anything, it seems they will prompt me to get out of the house because it will "make me feel better." Sometimes they are correct, yet after seeing me miserable by having to get out to be social with them it seems they do understand mostly. I have my own mood issues. One thing I do always consider is how important the event or whatever is to the or person/ people.
Being busy, with work or appointments, is considered a valid reason to not be able to meet someone, and people won't argue with it. It is a good idea to have an actual example of something you are doing, in case they ask.
Totally agree with this!! I do the same thing to avoid "doing social". Pepperleaf, are you really sure you find being alone lonely and depressing or do you think you are SUPPOSED to find it lonely and depressing because that's what the NT-world thinks about it? After decades of avoiding to socialize yet feeling guilty (and thus depressed) when staying at home, I finally had to admit to myself: I love it! I love staying by myself. I love doing my own things, at my own time, spending my valuable lifetime (aside from work) on myself and my million interests. I am autistic, I don't do social and I love it. Period. After spending 40 years in depression and anxiety that finally made me free: I haven't been in a sad mood ever since... Might be worth a thought. Have a good time spending your time on yourself
Does your family know about your (potential) diagnosis? This could make a difference. I wouldn't expect them to understand it. If you don't want to say too much, you could try to prepare a more generic typed up response to answer all the important questions they might have for you.
If you're able to support yourself and deal with your own life issues, then they don't have as much say. It's good that you have family that cares about you if you can say that, but you know better than anyone else. 10 years is a long time. I don't know the whole situation, and don't feel like I have enough details to go on, but if you've been "dumped" for 10 years by your cousin, then you certainly have no family obligation to get back together. You can make up an excuse that you're visiting some friend and if asked why, just say it's personal and that this friend would do more for me than your cousin would, so you have to give your friend priority first.
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