What is Friendship?

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Recently a friend told me that she was frustrated with me because it seemed to her like our friendship was just me trying to use her to entertain myself when I was bored. I think what she said was true, but I don't understand what is wrong with that. I don't think I've ever had any relationship that wasn't like this. It seems to me like friendship really isn't anything but an exchange of entertainment and being willing to help when somebody has a problem. Neither of us (my friend and I) have a problem right now, so I don't see what there can be to the relationship apart from entertainment. What do you guys think?

I think you're right. Friendship is about helping and entertaining each other, I think. I'm not sure if there is more to it.

Last edited by Yuzu on 08 Dec 2012, 8:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah, friendship's mainly about helping, talking, or hanging out with each other.

I think you're partially right. For some people, anyone with whom they spend their free time is a friend.
In your case, she probably expects some entertainment from you, too.

Note, though, that most NTs don't look at friendships in such a rational way.

Also, your specification doesn't meet "close friendships", which involve emotional attachment.
But I have no clue about that.

Um, I suspect that one of the many reasons why I'm friendless is that I don't know how much of my time I should allocate to the other party. Some people want to be allocated lots of time, some people want to be allocated very little time. I sense that maybe your friend is trying to tell you that you only spend time with her when you have no one else to turn to. Maybe your friend is the type who expects you to spend lots of time with her.

What I read into it, is she is trying to tell you that only you seem to benefit out of this friendship. That when you get bored, you get to bounce things off her. Perhaps she wants to do the same, but you are not giving her the platform... Well I can kind of understand why you wouldn't, I will say that, being selfish is.... I think normal for us.

Maybe that is the case, but I figured that if she wanted something out of me then she could ask, or since I was giving her a lot of choice in what we did together, that she could pick something that she liked doing. This friend does occasionally tell me that I'm doing something wrong or is frustrated with me, and I don't understand, but it goes back to normal after a while without me ever understanding what the issue is.

Absolutely.

People engage in friendships and relationships because they want to benefit from them. There is nothing wrong with that.
But there are rules. One of them states: Let the other person(s) benefit as much as you do.

If you interact with someone out of pity, that's very nice. But it's not friendship.
If you interact with someone who takes advantage of you (or vice versa), that's not friendship, either.

You can be an absolutely selfish person with the worst character, and nevertheless find friends who think alike. If you don't have a problem with their selfishness, you'll be fine.

I try to be nice to other people, and I encourage others to do the same, but it won't necessarily help you making friends.

So my advice is: If you want to make friends, improve your social appearance. Nobody wants to be friends with someone who appears "strange" (by subjective standards), even if he/she is completely unselfish.

Friendship is a two way street. She may feel that you are only interested in her when your bored and disappear when your not.

You have to consider her bordum as well.

What is your definition of 'strange'? Someone who isn't a clone of everyone else?

Shameless Git, you need to ask your friend questions if you're not sure. If she asks you things that she wanted much or all of the time, you might take that as her being bossy, or she would reasonably feel that way so with her own conscience. So, if you really care about her as a good friend, if you can't think of things she would like to do, you would at least have the heart to explain to her that you care about your friendship, you want to trust each other, and that you have a hard time figuring out how to reciprocate. Also tell her that you are willing to work at improving your sense of reciprocity and would like to know a list of things both of you could consider doing. She could create this list and you would choose some things from that list.

In this context:
Someone who reacts towards your actions in a way that you consider inappropriate.
Someone whose intentions you do not understand.
Someone who doesn't obey social conventions.

For instance, if someone offers you a handshake and you refuse, the other person may immediately lose interest in you.

Thanks for the advice everyone, but I really don't think it's that big a deal. She told me that she still considers me a friend and that she just wanted to be alone for a while.

Like I said in a recent post she tells me things like this from time to time and I never understand what she means, but somehow things go back to normal.

Friendships are boats with friends on them. I want to go so bad but I need a credit card to access Friendships

you're funny.

http://www.helpguide.org/life/how-find-friend.htm
Here's a cool article on finding a friend that I ran in to.