Preferring guys as friends...

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... is a special kind of lonely.

Either they get involved with someone, and then their girlfriend is uncomfortable with me (female) hanging/chatting with them - awkward. Or they inevitably fall for me, and things get awkward too.

Yes I'm nice, I don't have an off switch for that. I wish I had

That must be very awkward for you. The only solution I can think of is ... try making friends with gay men? Their partner wouldn't have any reason to be uncomfortable with your presence. Probably an unhelpful and stupid thing to say, I know, but it's all I can think of.

I generally prefer to make friends with NT girls, as they're less judgemental of me, but I never have any luck with Aspie girls. Aspie boys are generally nicer to me.

P.S. I'm a boy.

Do you do anything that would make them fall for you? Even in jest.

Those are actually two of the biggest hurdles for platonic friendships with the opposite sex. For the first one, really the only way to overcome it is for all parties to trust each other enough to know that nothing will happen. And for the second, that's a little harder. The best that you can do is just to not send any romantic signals or act flirtatious around your friends. Still it is inevitable that some of them may begin to like you as more than a friend, but if that happens and you are uninterested, make sure to bluntly let them know.

I'm pretty sure I don't. I just overshare. If someone is a friend to me the things I tend to talk about are lengthy analyses of how I figure things are connected. These can be fairly abstract theories, but also how I feel (it's never just one thing) and why people might have responded to me in the way they did. Sensemaking, if you will.
Whenever they talk about their problems I ask questions and tell them my associations with what they are saying in the hopes of being useful to them. They like the fact that I don't simply assume 'the obvious' (which is not obvious to me).

The 'falling for' is more of the kind 'you actually get me, I want you to be my everything'. One even told me he was pretty sure I didn't feel the same way but he had to try anyway.



Yes trust is one thing. I realize I failed to point out two more scenarios there:

- they suddenly have a life and don't have time for me anymore (this is not gender specific, I have a few female friends with this 'problem' too).
- they want to include said girlfriend in everything. While I generally can appreciate why they like her, for me three can be a crowd. Also awkward to tell them that...

It was a bit easier when I was in a relationship myself because I had the 'life together' thing as well, plus the single friends wouldn't get their hopes up as much.

Regarding my own singleness: I'm way too busy getting my life back in order (burnout) to properly invest in someone else. I feel a relationship needs to be a two way street, and more than friendship I can't offer, currently. While it would certainly be brilliant to be *in* a relationship, 'getting one' is simply too much effort atm. Also I'm rather picky, only been in love once, so it's not that likely to happen any time soon anyway.

Anyhow, I'm just sad that I keep losing friends. Thank you all for your kind responses!

I was also sort of wondering if this is a 'typical' thing too, or just me?

I have many close male friends and my bf has many close female friends so I can relate from both sides.

First of all, it's mainly up to your male friend to show his girlfriend that you're not a threat, but you can try these things to encourage her to like you.

I know that it's hard to be around two people at once, especially when you are close friends with him but not her, but it's a common way for couples to not breed jealousy by showing the other partner that you're not a threat. Try to be nice to her, even take the initiative to hang out with just her if you can. Try your best to be friends with her if possible.

Also ask your male friend about his girlfriend when she's not around to show that you care and respect their relationship. Don't say bad things about her at any cost, because if she finds out, she might be mad. Assume that anything that you tell him will be told to his girlfriend - if you say something that you wouldn't say around her and she finds out, she might get jealous and he may be forced to end your friendship.

Again, it's really up to her to trust her boyfriend and for him to make any changes in your friendship to show her that you're not a threat. Some of it's just inevitable - my bf and I have toned back our behaviour a bit around our opposite gender friends after dating. We've also hung out with each other a lot more in the place of our friendships. I would get jealous if I wasn't his best friend because I'd want him to trust in me the most and not another woman. So know that you would probably be pushed down a notch from his best friend to second best friend if he respects his gf, otherwise he may fall for you.

People can fall for anyone who's nice.
You can't expect her to be nasty just so nobody falls for her.

I suppose you could invent yourself a pretend boyfriend who's not around (at university, working abroad or whatever).
But that's not an easy thing to do and might feel too dishonest.

I guess if you can you could try and make it clear near the beginning that you definitely don't want anything more than friendship. If that puts somebody off then maybe it's a warning of what would have followed.

Sorry no magic solution to offer.