why are we (aspie) so bad with women?

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many aspie men struggle to get a date with a women.
many aspie women struggle to make friends with women.
why are we aspie/autism folks so horrible when comes to women?

at least with nt women. it like this: ''bill has asperger he has no girlfriend, all girls hate him''.
''Jill has asperger, she has no female friends, all girls hate her''

if there one thing aspie men and women have in common (beside having asperger) is
women ''hate'' us.
the nt women the enemy of the asperger people.

Purely a guess but NT women in general are confusing even for NT's. Now a a bit of autism and they are impossible to understand. Could be we are confusing to them. I am to basically everyone I meet and know. Does seem most people dislike anyone who is different. Unfortunately we Aspies range from delightfully eccentric to downright strange and everything in between. Just some ideas.

Women are crazy as all hell is why. Their emotional states are often dramatic and use implication rather than direct answers.

However, they often follow social conventions in behaving with people. Aspergians don't like that; they prefer being left to themselves and practical reasons.

Women also dislike people acting different it seems...they treat each other atrociously.

NT women tend to be less straight-forward. Aspies tend to cope better with straight-forwardness.

Hmm... you may be on to something here.

Last edited by Yuzu on 21 Dec 2012, 9:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

i wonder if maybe it's because some of us are on anti-depressants that kill the sex drive....doesn't necessarily kill the interest, but it doesn't make it a priority, either.

then again, i'm all-or-nothing in what i want. you gotta understand that i'm a weirdo--harmless, of course--and have that energy that feeds into that. if you don't got it...it ain't gonna work.

^ Exactly!

I think it's helpful to think of NT women as being SUPER NTs.

And hey, NT women can TOTALLY get along with aspie boyfriends/girlfriends and aspie girls as friends. You just have to find someone who shares your interests and isn't judgemental. If it's a romance situation and you're not sure if the NT woman likes you, get one of your friends to observe her actions and let you know. My aspie family members NEVER notice when girls check them out, so they don't know who to approach. It's good to have a "wingman" in such situations, which is why it's not a bad idea to make friends with NT girls! They're great wingmen for either a guy or a girl.

I've found that when they act as a "wingman" for me they just talk s**t about everyone the whole time.

I have had mostly bad experiences with women, however. My behaviorist is a woman and she gives me hope that not all women are a pain to deal with.

Women tend to be more "empathetic" and emotional. They basically think more with their emotions, whereas guys don't think with emotions as much. So if you got a Simon Baron Cohen empathy score of like 14 or 16 like I do, then you're screwed as far as interacting with women.

That and women don't usually have common interests. I can at least strike up a conversation with like any male about like...cars, or motor oil or something. WTF do women even like?

Haha. People, usually. You have to talk about people. At least that's what my female coworkers talk about all day. In code. So I really have NFI what they are on about.

Last edited by yellowtamarin on 22 Dec 2012, 12:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

Why didn't somebody tell me we were a tribe ?!

But I totally disagree Billiscool. They are not the enemy, they are just different from you, like you are different from some people.

You don't have a relationship with a group (ie. NT women), you just find a relationship with one woman. She might be NT, she might be AS.

That sounds immensely boring.

Yes, yes it is.

I've only had one girlfriend so far and it was an Aspie woman. I've found it very difficult to make friends with NT women, although I think that's mainly due to not 'getting out there' much in my late teens/early twenties. Not all NT woman are alike, there are a huge variety. I suppose what you try to look for is the NT women who are emotionally stable and can communicate on a literal/factual level. At the risk of generalizing a bit, NT women who in a field of study/work that is logic/evidence based like the sciences, maths etc are probably more likely to be able to understand Aspie men.
It's also a matter of experience in talking to and being around NT women. I still have a lot to learn but it's been though getting out there in recent years that I can understand the NT world better than in the past.

Hope this helps

I love this thread and LachlanW you really made me laugh with this! ( Not at you, with you, hopefully) As an aspiewoman (age 44) with an EQ of 9 I tell you: what you describe there doesn't exist. And a woman who works in sciences, maths etc. is likely to be at least a closeted Aspie

I never got NT women and I learned to deal with them by watching Sex and the City (and other girlie shows) for research. I am neither interested in shoes, shopping or relationships (I do like Sex, though) but those shows helped me a lot to get along with women in the office: I usually feign interest in their personal life and ask them about their children (if applicable). If they are in emotional turmoil (constantly) I ask them about the problem and let them talk. That's usually good advice: let them talk. It seems to calm them down and makes them feel more comfortable.

If you've already made contact (e.g. in school) it'd be good to ask what they like and generally listen more than talk. Other than that I have no idea on how to relate to them and how to get along with them in the long run because most of them really don't have any interests aside from relationships and people. I get along better with men (aspie or NT) and I thank my lucky stars I am straight. Good luck to you! How about a nice Aspergirl?

Im like you too. I don't get nt women either, at least younger ones (under 35) for some reason I can get along with older women and men.
it pretty common for alot of us aspie folks to not get women.