Social rules of autistic-friendly social spaces?

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I feel that we need to find ways to build social spaces (in person, not just online) where autistic and autistic-like people can feel more at home than in NT-oriented social spaces. Such places would have their own sets of social rules, different in some ways from the rules of the NT world.

For example, here in the U.S.A., the Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) has published Autistic Access Needs: Notes on Accessibility (PDF) and Holding Inclusive Events: A Guide to Accessible Event Planning. ASAN also recommends the use of Color Communication Badges:

My rule would be to only have a very limited amount of alcohol, so that people can be themselves instead of hiding behind this annoying drunk character of theirs. I find socialising less daunting when people aren't drinking.

WELL rule one i am allways enacting in cyberspace pockets i create, never press a trigger u know about. ofc triggering happens accidently, but once told about it, people must be considerate. often they are not. they repeat things they are explicitely asked to NOT repeat. then the main rule of politeness, forgive the other person if they got triggered and overreacted, or miscommunicated, or had a need to hide from u. irl would be wearing some sort of awareness ribbons, too. those are cool IF they are a must-know-them-all sort. no point if at least 30% ppl cant read them, and its more like 97% in real world. mostly whatever alternative social signals we try to use, allistics just dont care. maybe ofc i get allistics like that, i dont know. but in the selection i see total majority wouldnt bother seing plain signal. and if u try to explain it to them they wouldnt listen to u. again its only my experience and my perception. sorry for a crampled post. im not in my best shape.

Below are some of the characteristics of an autistic-friendly subculture, as I envision it:

1. No more worries about eye contact. It would be understood and accepted that not everyone is confortable with, or capable of, culture-specific NT eye contact rhythms.

2. Regarding body language in general, it would be understood and accepted that different people have different natural body language. Even the most nonverbally perceptive person would not expect to understand another person's body language reliably until one has gotten to know the other person well. There would be no pressure to conform to culturally-specific NT body-language standards, except perhaps on a few specific issues for which there are good reasons to have a standard (e.g. to avoid impinging on another person's personal space).

3. Most people would be expected to communicate directly and explicitly, and would NOT expect others to pick up on subtle hints. (The only exception would be those people who are incapable of language-based communication, in which case the only way to know what they need/want is via careful observation of their behavior.) In order for an ethic of direct communication to work well, there would need to be periodic trainings in the art of being assertive (without being aggressive) and the art of giving and receiving constructive criticism. It seems to me that these arts would probably be much easier for most autistic people to learn than various other commonly-taught "social skills." (Someone, please correct me if I'm wrong.)

4. People would wear unscented deodorant and would not wear perfume/cologne. Many autistic people, and some nonautistic people too, have a heightened sense of smell. For this same reason, people WOULD still be expected to shower and wash their clothes regularly. People who have trouble with this would get the support they need in order to get these things done.

5. Once the subculture gets big enough to become a good vertical market, there would be sensory-friendly women's clothing stores catering to a wide variety of different sensory issues. (This is one important reason why I, personally, REALLY want the subculture to grow ASAP.)

6. Once the subculture gets big enough to come to the attention of real estate developers, there would be more apartment buildings (and other buildings too) with good soundproofing and variable lighting.

7. Most implortant of all: Once the subculture gets big enough, it would be possible to create clusters of small businesses that hire autistic, autistic-like, and autistic-friendly people, so that autistic people can do meaningful productive work in an autistic-friendly workplace.

8. Western (or at least American) culture's currently popular customs regarding dating and courtship would be examined, critiqued, and completely overhauled. A new set of rules would emerge by consensus after much discussion within the subculture. Exactly how the rules should be changed is beyond the scope of this post, but the currently popular system is obviously no good for autistic men and not much better for autistic women.

i am sorry, but completely overhauling something, that works for the majority of population? wont work. promoting ourselves too emm, insistently, would only cause agressive reaction. yes, i understand the issue. i have seen a lot of males posting, that they cannot find a match. female can accept or decline male's advances, while male should know when to advance, and when to not, which is of cause a nightmare for autistic person. and just "taking declines easy" would not do the trick, either. not to mention autistic people, who also belong to a non-binary gender. so, problem is, things like that, all that, pardonne mon francais, monkey dances, they cant be just changed by a decree. how did i, autistic female/trad, get a relationship? i had known that person for a long time from online communication, that had nothing to do with our corresponding genders. untill it did. i understand, that my personal solution of moving my entire social life in the net, is not a solution for some other people. and truth be told, all the allistic BS, that makes us suffer irl, can still be on the net as well. bad sort of allistics is here too, ya. and yes, current situation, while the entire spectrum is ghosted by most cultures, our needs ignored etc, is totally unacceptable. but that is something that just.cant.be.changed by governmental decree. people on turf will only respond violently. like they did to LGBT trying to get a decent place under the sun. ya, decrees are in place, and so what? they just dont work. people still suffer, and the more insistently their speakers try to change it, the worse it gets away from cultural centers. we cannot repeat that mistake. especially given our thin lines. most of us are too vulnerable. alas, i have tried. i cannot manage to change it inside my own damn family, they just keep their allistic BS high and hot. i mean, i dont say we shouldnt do anything. i say, we cant change it on a snap. would take a few generations for autistics of the future to get some general understanding. and while we can call it "fight for our rights", it should not really be a fight. more like cultural infiltration, ya. and it should start with teaching toddler allistics of the present about how to deal with us. what would that do to adult au's who suffer right now? not much. we can also teach adult allistics WHO ARE READY TO LEARN, which isnt much. some are receptive. so work with consent. and ya while out there, on the other side of the globe, u guys might even win something, here, i am in the endless night. this is the place, where even autistic kids are still treated like ret*ds as a system. stimtoys? jury-rig it. or import urself. there are dark places in the world, ya. sorry for being a downer.

well im allways trying to gather like-minded individuals whenever i can find them, but it doesnt change the big scale xD we just hide and enjoy our perversions away from civil eyes xD

If we can build the autistic-friendly subculture that I envision, then we can change the rules on a scale large enough for us, even if it doesn't encompass the mainstream culture.

In the longer term, some of our ideas might eventually get popularized to the mainstream as well, via a popular movie or two, but that could happen only AFTER the autistic-friendly subculture gets sufficiently large and well-organized.

Be that as it may, I've started a separate thread Ideal dating/courtship rules in autistic-friendly community? (in the "Love and Dating" sub-forum) for discussion about the rules of dating and courtship in particular.

Here in this thread, let's go back to discussing the more general social rules of an autistic-friendly space.

well sadly i am geographically unable to help xD and i dont think i can give more useful input, either. just come from too different background and dont even know whats it like out there, exept that its better than what we here got. we are a non existent group of population here.

Isn't the problem of autists that they have trouble following rules that are set up by society? Do you really solve this by creating more rules?

i dont think this statement is correct. we have problems following UNSPOKEN rules, that exist basing on body language and other stuff we dont and cant see. we would follow them, if we could physically. ofc, i am just 1 aspergerian, but when i see clear, reasonable, comprehensive rules that are enforced equally on everybody and are not depending on the arbiter's mood/bodylanguagereading/whateverbs i follow them with gusto. i feel so relieved. dont go there. dont say that. wear a uniform. ten hut. oh yes. "difficulty to follow any rules set by society" is more about either teenage revolt phase, or asocial disorders. i mean if they answer the abformentioned criteria. if they dont, they suck, and its so in nearly each and every case. there allways are a lot of things we cant see, that are obvious to NTs who run the show, so they brand us antisocial, while we are ONLY socially blind. so ya, creating rules that make sense to us will help

This thread came up in "similar topics" when I posted the new thread Autistic-friendly social skills vs. blending in with NT's.

See also Building the autistic community?