Being comfortable with yourself in friendships

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I am just wondering a couple of things regarding how friendships develop over time and how the depth of your friendship with a person reflects the parts of yourself that you show and reveal to them.

1`) My question for NTs & people on the spectrum with fairly good social skills:

When you gradually develop a closer relationship to someone, you notice you both talk less, but you're fine with it. You also find that you're not so self-concious of the need to be really interesting to the other person or the need to showcase unique aspects of yourself, because you've revealed quite a lot of yourself already and are thus comfortable and secure with the person. Does this happen in all close friendships or relationships? Do NT people in general act this way when they are more used to each other? Or does it depend on the person? Or does this not normally happen? I just want to know what is "typical" here.

2) My question for people on the spectrum

What I'm trying to figure out from you guys is...do people on the spectrum (or yourself) recognize the need to really give the best version of yourself when getting to know someone that you're hoping to form a friendship with? Do you ever feel like it's something you need to do?

Context: feel free to give me advice here as well

I am a person who was diagnosed with AS as a small child, but I feel that I have progressed quite a lot over the years, especially socially, to the point where I'm almost a completely different person then when I was a kid. I feel that I differ in a major way from most people on the spectrum in that I am a social perfectionist. Specifically, I want all of my interactions to go smoothly as possible without any problems or conflicts. When I am with people, I try to make the best impression on them possible, and make myself as agreeable, interesting and as fun to be around as I can. When I'm in a clear social situation, such as a get together or a party, and I'm meeting new people, I amp up this part of myself a lot. I am an introvert who loves my alone time pursuing my special interests, but around others, I really push myself because it's been so difficult for most of my life to truly connect with people, and I want to prove to myself that I'm able to do it. I feel proud and good about myself when I have social success, and that's what motivates me to pursue it.

One of the things that, truly, makes me happiest is either chatting with or spending time with my friends and, more importantly, becoming close with them. I gain more confidence in myself when I spend time with people that I connect well with and whom I know truly value me as a person. When people move on, don't talk to me for a while or become busy, I blame myself for screwing it up and feel horrible about myself. When something changes in a friendship or a developing friendship (i.e. a friend who I used to hang out with all the time doesn't talk with me or hang out with me as much), I feel angry at myself and devalued. I feel even worse (to the point where I feel like crying) if the friendship changed because of something that I know was my fault.

A lot of people have moved on from me over the past few years, and every time I think about these people (which depends on who it is: some people I think about a lot), I beat myself up. I also obsess over these lost friendships and get negative/depressed to the point where I am constantly trying to push thoughts of them out of my head: this causes me quite a lot of stress that I hide from people daily (with the exception of my psychologist). When any of my friendships change, I start to seriously question whether it's my fault, and I feel powerless. I wonder if I actually have socially competence or if people just end up hating me naturally, no matter what I do. This is what I feel my biggest hurdle socially: not knowing if I am actually doing something wrong, or if I'm just being paranoid.

I feel a song summarises this perfectly. Listen to a song called 'Ugly side' by Blue October.

I have 3 friends basically. One who I have grown up with. The other 2 I met at uni (both girls) One girl, im at the stage you mentioned, there are periods where there is silence. I'm not that comfortable with it. I find myself asking loads of questions, and that's been going on for a while now. I have asked too many questions and on a few occasions, have resulted in her being offended with what I have said. Typical right..
The other girl..well..I think she's comfortable around me. She's shy, but also talkative. Most of the time, I ask a question then I just listen to her talk. But she makes it easier for me as she actually responds in depth..

Now then. With the first girl I have mentioned, I have shared a lot of detail about myself in conversations (the only person who knows I suspect I could be AS, besides my mother) So I feel comfortable around her and I guess that because we know so much about each other, the sparse conversations may reflect it? (as in, I'm running out of things to find out about her)
The other girl doesn't know much about me at all. I hope that helps with your question.

Also, I don't recall ever showing a 'best side' of me. I just act the way I do, and if that makes me any friends - then I guess that makes me happier knowing they accept me for who I am. I don't have many friends mind, but I sure as hell prefer them than having a 'fake friendship' The fact that I have p*ssed them off, but we still remain in touch proves this.

One thing though, I pretty much always fake emotions. I smile and laugh when I don't think something is funny. But I do this with everyone, including family. It's just something I have always done, as there isn't a lot of things which actually make me laugh. I tend to do it so others don't feel...left out I guess. It's something I picked up when I tried to make myself seem more normal (before I even knew what AS was, it was just something I did.)

Why not try talking to these people again?