Wanting to hangout with people one of your friends know

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Mitrovah
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18 Jan 2013, 5:38 pm

hello. I have aspergers whatever anyway this is my question for someone who has some experience with this subject. here is the scenario

So one of my friends is friends with some I knew somewhat in High school Im am really bored and my other friend is really busy. The friend of my friend knows me somewhat and is familiar so we are not total strangers. I am wondering if it is appropriate to call up the my friend's friend to ask if she wants to hang out. My method of communication would be a Facebook message. I asked for a friend request but they haven't befriended my on Facebook yet. At first i thought i didn't need friends but I just want to hang out and not spend all my time in my room, reading it does believe it or not get boring and somewhat depressing.
I find it somewhat ironic for an autistic person so ask another autistic person about such formalities. one blind man asks another blind man which way is north.

A second question what does it mean if someone you hang out with ignores your friend request on facebook? My "friend" knows im autistic so that's that.



MadMonkey
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18 Jan 2013, 6:48 pm

Well, if they regularly use Facebook and they ignore your request then I'm really sorry to say that they probably don't want to be friends. But, some people never really log in to Facebook. If that is the case then they probably aren't doing it on purpose.

Here is a thought -- what will you do if you hang out? Will you have anything to talk about? Do you want to hang out and do something, or just be physically in someone else's presence but mentally in your own world (that would not be fun for the NT person)? If you have something specific, and fun to do then the invitation might be more acceptable.



Mitrovah
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18 Jan 2013, 6:54 pm

MadMonkey wrote:
Well, if they regularly use Facebook and they ignore your request then I'm really sorry to say that they probably don't want to be friends. But, some people never really log in to Facebook. If that is the case then they probably aren't doing it on purpose.

Here is a thought -- what will you do if you hang out? Will you have anything to talk about? Do you want to hang out and do something, or just be physically in someone else's presence but mentally in your own world (that would not be fun for the NT person)? If you have something specific, and fun to do then the invitation might be more acceptable.


Well I want to hang out with her because she is a friends with my friends and So I assume that the company i enjoy with my first friend i would just as much enjoy with her. I don;t know specifically what we'd do usually roaming doing random stuff and talking about everything and thinking of things to do on the fly is my idea of socializing. I feel confident we have some sense of comradely because we went to the same high school same year but i didn't know her then. I had a conversation with her once when she came to see my first friend and recollecting i think it went well. Im bored that is why and want to do something. The only thing i can think of is watching a movie or eating somewhere.

ok here is a kicker the friend I do hang out with has checked his Facebook page but hasn't accepted my friend request, but i have been his Facebook friend but removed him because i tried to trim my friend list at one point. i am not so autistic



MadMonkey
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18 Jan 2013, 7:00 pm

Well, you could make yourself crazy trying to figure out if they are your real friends or not. If you are confident enough that you can carry on small talk (I can't), then you have nothing to lose. Ask them to hang out. Worse case scenario is they don't respond.



Mitrovah
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18 Jan 2013, 7:02 pm

MadMonkey wrote:
Well, you could make yourself crazy trying to figure out if they are your real friends or not. If you are confident enough that you can carry on small talk (I can't), then you have nothing to lose. Ask them to hang out. Worse case scenario is they don't respond.


yeah. The thing is my first friend we are almost in total sync in our thinking. we even share inside jokes together. i only would want to be his facebook friend because he is leaving the state and would like to keep in touch but im too afraid of asking "hey have you seen my friend request" because I know that would be awkward as hell



anneurysm
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21 Jan 2013, 2:51 pm

A good idea would be to ask the mutual friend if the three of you could get together...that way, it doesn't seem like there is a person that barely knows them is adding them, which is how the person you want to be friends with may perceive this. Many people are uncomfortable adding people they barely know on facebook. It would be a good way for you to get to know the person, and perhaps your friend might bring up mutual topics of interest that you could all chat about.


_________________
Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.

This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term therapists - that I am an anxious and highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder.

My diagnoses - social anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.


Mitrovah
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21 Jan 2013, 2:53 pm

anneurysm wrote:
A good idea would be to ask the mutual friend if the three of you could get together...that way, it doesn't seem like there is a person that barely knows them is adding them, which is how the person you want to be friends with may perceive this. Many people are uncomfortable adding people they barely know on facebook. It would be a good way for you to get to know the person, and perhaps your friend might bring up mutual topics of interest that you could all chat about.


man i wish i heard your advice long ago. I already sent a message asking if she wanted to hangout to which she didn't reply, so i guess I pretty much spooked her off probably. Im in that group that doesn't like to add people I don't know, it just I thought since we went to same high school, we share the same friend she probably would have had already good enough idea of who i am that my message wouldn't be too strange. One question though then why do people just seem to continually Facebook befriend people who are total strangers?



anneurysm
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24 Jan 2013, 2:26 pm

Mitrovah wrote:
anneurysm wrote:
A good idea would be to ask the mutual friend if the three of you could get together...that way, it doesn't seem like there is a person that barely knows them is adding them, which is how the person you want to be friends with may perceive this. Many people are uncomfortable adding people they barely know on facebook. It would be a good way for you to get to know the person, and perhaps your friend might bring up mutual topics of interest that you could all chat about.


man i wish i heard your advice long ago. I already sent a message asking if she wanted to hangout to which she didn't reply, so i guess I pretty much spooked her off probably. Im in that group that doesn't like to add people I don't know, it just I thought since we went to same high school, we share the same friend she probably would have had already good enough idea of who i am that my message wouldn't be too strange. One question though then why do people just seem to continually Facebook befriend people who are total strangers?


It really depends on the person: there are some that will add strangers, or that will add people they have something in common with (i.e. went to the same school). People tend to vary in their adding behaviors, but most people, I find, only add people they have met before.


_________________
Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.

This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term therapists - that I am an anxious and highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder.

My diagnoses - social anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.


Mitrovah
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24 Jan 2013, 3:37 pm

anneurysm wrote:
Mitrovah wrote:
anneurysm wrote:

man i wish i heard your advice long ago. I already sent a message asking if she wanted to hangout to which she didn't reply, so i guess I pretty much spooked her off probably. Im in that group that doesn't like to add people I don't know, it just I thought since we went to same high school, we share the same friend she probably would have had already good enough idea of who i am that my message wouldn't be too strange. One question though then why do people just seem to continually Facebook befriend people who are total strangers?


It really depends on the person: there are some that will add strangers, or that will add people they have something in common with (i.e. went to the same school). People tend to vary in their adding behaviors, but most people, I find, only add people they have met before.


do u think i spooked her off?



anneurysm
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24 Jan 2013, 8:54 pm

Perhaps, but only if she has read it. There's a chance that she hasn't: she may not go through her inbox often or your message may have moved to the "Other" folder...which it very well could have since you guys aren't facebook friends yet.

I don't think you've entirely messed up so far though. If you still do the thing that I suggested and have your friend hang out with both of you, then you still have a good chance of her approving you. Having a friend introduce you and back you up may make her feel more comfortable, as I said, because that way, it doesn't seem like a random stranger getting to know someone, but getting to know them through a friend.


_________________
Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.

This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term therapists - that I am an anxious and highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder.

My diagnoses - social anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.


Stalk
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25 Jan 2013, 9:01 am

It appears as if she doesn't seem to be interested in you as a person/friend. Maybe she doesn't know you that well. Pressing it will not help you either. I guess time to search for friends elsewhere.