When you haven't seen someone for a long time..

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compcuanol
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22 Feb 2013, 8:01 pm

This friend of mine just called out of the blue and said he wants to have coffee with me, this week or next week. He's supposed to call and tell me when. I haven't seen or even talked to him for a long time and we've always seen each other in the same situation which is at parties, with lots of helpful alcohol. So I know it's gonna be really really awkward.
Also, my life sucks so much right now, it's not like I'm gonna have things to talk about.
And even before, we never really had a real conversation. Our friendship was kinda weird. We used to touch each other a lot, in a friendly way, and we exchanged stupid jokes and annoyed other people by playing tricks because it made us laugh. But we never just sit down and talked.
So I don't know, what do you do when you haven't seen someone for a long time ? Maybe I should just tell him not to come. I know "normal" people also find this kind of situation awkward. At least I think so.
How do you make it less weird when you haven't seen someone for a long time ? Do you have any advice ? Do you think it's better to ask lots of questions on what the other person is doing ? Or is it better to talk about the past, like "hey, you remember that time when that happened" ? Or it that lame ?
And also, is it better to say nothing and look uncomfortable or fake it and talk about the weather ?
Also I hate coffee places. They're uncomfortable, they're noisy, there's no privacy, I hate sitting on chairs and I hate asking the waiter when I want to pay and it's too expensive ! ! That's not really relevant, it just makes the whole thing worse and I wanted to complain about it.



TheValk
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22 Feb 2013, 8:08 pm

People generally don't pay much attention to what you say. Smile, nod, and I guess it's a very good idea that you could remind the friend of some shared fun in the past.



ASDsmom
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22 Feb 2013, 8:28 pm

^^ lol

Here's an opening line, "So how the heck are ya?" Then, follow advice (above). Your friend contacted you and maybe he has things he wants to share with you. Listen. When he asks you about your life, be honest. Just say it sucks right now and see if he asks more questions. Don't talk about the weather - that's lame and obvious you're uncomfortable. Talking about the past is appropriate and something you'll have in common. He'll likely tell YOU stories you were both involved in. Embrace it.

You don't have to sit at a coffee shop either. Go for a beer? Play a game of pool (if you play)? Where do you want to go?



compcuanol
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22 Feb 2013, 8:32 pm

TheValk wrote:
People generally don't pay much attention to what you say. Smile, nod, and I guess it's a very good idea that you could remind the friend of some shared fun in the past.


Oh, I'm the expert at smiling and nodding. I attract self-involved people.
This guy however, not one of those. He's gonna want to have an actual conversation, specially since he lives kinda far.



compcuanol
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22 Feb 2013, 8:44 pm

ASDsmom wrote:
^^ lol

Here's an opening line, "So how the heck are ya?" Then, follow advice (above). Your friend contacted you and maybe he has things he wants to share with you. Listen. When he asks you about your life, be honest. Just say it sucks right now and see if he asks more questions. Don't talk about the weather - that's lame and obvious you're uncomfortable. Talking about the past is appropriate and something you'll have in common. He'll likely tell YOU stories you were both involved in. Embrace it.

You don't have to sit at a coffee shop either. Go for a beer? Play a game of pool (if you play)? Where do you want to go?


I want to go in the forest because I'm more confortable there and I can move around and play with the trees and make little piles of stones when I talk. And It's quiet. I'm much more social that way. But somehow, I don't think "let's go in the forest" would be appropriate. He'll probably think I want to kill him and bury his body 8O ! !



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22 Feb 2013, 8:46 pm

He knows you though. Instead of saying, "Do you want to go into the woods?" (which sounds creepy), how about saying something like, "Do you feel like a coffee and head off to the park?" If he questions which one, name the name of the woods. You may want to plan around the weather, too.



ASDsmom
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22 Feb 2013, 8:49 pm

And you know what? I'm not the sharpest person when it comes to social skills, either. My anxieties aren't the greatest at that. I've just started being honest about it - with a good sense of humour. People laugh with me and accept it. Or maybe I just accept it that it makes me less akward when I'm in a social situation because we have all lowered the expectations LOL Thing is, if you're honest, he's not going to care. If he DOES care, he won't call again. No sweat. You haven't seen him in years, anyway.



compcuanol
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22 Feb 2013, 9:19 pm

ASDsmom wrote:
He knows you though. Instead of saying, "Do you want to go into the woods?" (which sounds creepy), how about saying something like, "Do you feel like a coffee and head off to the park?" If he questions which one, name the name of the woods. You may want to plan around the weather, too.


Actually I JUST remembered he's completely crazy. He'll most likely think it's a great idea. Thank you ! You totally helped. And we don't have parks in france we have actual forests. (I actually own part of a forest) Oh, this is awesome, I know where we can go.
OH... That's what it is ! We don't have to talk, we can play !

I JUST GOT IT ! That was the problem, I forgot, just because we haven't seen each other for a long time, doesn't mean we become strangers.
I just totally solved my own problem, with your help of course !
This is so cool ! !! Thank you, thank you ! !!
I'm gonna go try to calm myself now, since it's 3 am where i live and I should get some sleep.
Bye, helpful person.



ASDsmom
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22 Feb 2013, 10:59 pm

That's so COOL! Right on :D Once you meet up, you'll have loads to talk about, I'm sure. Good luck!



compcuanol
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23 Feb 2013, 6:58 am

Lol ! I sound crazy in that last post. I guess I got a bit exited. Sorry about that. :)



WrongWay
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27 Feb 2013, 2:21 am

I think just try to be yourself and not worry too much about it. Just talk about whatever comes to mind. He took the initiative to ask you to hang out, so presumably he has some things to talk to about so you don't need to worry too much about coming up with your own things.


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