Do you have trouble inviting new people to things?

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Hi,

I had recently invited someone who I am acquainted with to a social gathering and they happened to say "Yes" on the invite. Long story short, they never showed up at the gathering. They also did not call or text me either. I bumped into them this afternoon and asked them why they were a no show. Their story was that they were planning on attending but that they went swimming and then were tired after and so they went home and went to sleep.

I seem to get this a lot with different people who say "Yes" to things but then they just never seem to follow through.

While I know they are not trying to be mean or two-faced, I find that I am meeting more people who say something because it feels good at the time but then they never carry through. Then when I ask them what happened, they seem to mention what this person did above or say that they plain forgot all about us getting together.

Do you ever notice this?


Note: I have friends but I am constantly meeting other people and wanting to step beyond my comfort zone.

i am always trying to plan a get together with people and when alot of people say they can't make it, i end up canceling the whole thing. same goes for my birthday. i try and invite people to help me celebrate, i get alot of people saying "yes" but nobody shows up. so i decided that i am not going to celebrate my birthday anymore because of that one reason.

ditto

<--- Celebrates every single birthday with a party of one - himself.

The logic is "It's easier to ask forgiveness (lie after the fact) than to ask permission (tell you ahead of time they arn't coming).

You're of high enough status to lie to (that they are coming), and low enough to blow off with a transparent excuse.

For me, I have had several cases where the situation is one sided. The people who I have invited have invited me to their things in the past first. So I have done the honor in reciprocating with them. Yet, those people never seem to make an effort to attend in return.

For instance, where I used to work, my boss would have get togethers once in a while and I would gladly go to every one. Then when it came to me inviting her to things, she never came. I mean, she did not even bother to give me a yes or no either. Instead, she seemed to throw out little hints like, "Have fun at your party this weekend." Then I would ask her why she did not come she said, "Oh I would love to come but you live to far away. I usually enjoy doing things around here." Yes, it is true that I did live too far away but I felt like it was an excuse. Yet, she seemed to make an effort for everyone else.

Last edited by Summer_Twilight on 11 Mar 2013, 9:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

SAME

every holiday, weekend, every day ! !

Wow, I've never invited anyone to anything, except dates occasionally. I guess I'm low-functioning.

The reason I don't is out of fear of some of the things you've experienced, OP.

I did that when I was younger too and then I joined a few support groups for people on the spectrum. Before that, I attempted to invite people to a new year's party once and I got a really bad excuse.

One person said that they could not stay long because they had to work on New Year's Day. I ended up cancelling the party and went to my roommate's instead which was fun. However, when I ran into this person the next time, they told me that they went to another party and stayed all night.

I've practically given up on throwing "parties". I'll invite one or two friends to hang out for a specific purpose, and then it's much more manageable. Even if I want to have a fondue party (something I really love to do), instead of making it an actual party, I'll only invite a couple people and just make it an intimate get-together. Even then, it's sometimes pretty hard to coordinate schedules. It took three months one time to coordinate three people's schedules just to hang out for a few hours.

If I know they live far away, I don't invite them as often, but if I were to have an actual party, then I would still invite them without worry that they may not respond and most likely won't attend.

Aren't there many NT's who can't or won't host parties either?