Why do I "have" to be friends with him?
Strangely, any Aspie I've spoken to about this has taken my side and NTs have said different things.
Met a guy at a running goup a while back and we got talking and I told him I study Law. He wasn't there for a few weeks and explained that he'd been sectioned. He said that he'd been involved with the police, etc. and thinks that because I do Law, I can help him. (I can't. First year is focused on how Law is made, Parliament, courts, etc)
On Wednesday, we met up and exchanged numbers and said we'll go for coffee on Saturday once I've finished doing stuff in the morning.
On Thursday, I saw that I had 4 voice mails and 2 were from him talking nonsense. He sent me a text, which again made no sense. He did the same Friday.
On Friday, I told him to stop contacting me and that we can't meet up on Saturday. (by this time, plans had changed and dad had promised to take me somewhere; as him and mum were busy on Friday)
He left another voice mail (we're now at 5 voice mails between Wednesday evening and Friday afternoon) and I told him yet again to stop contacting me.
He didn't contact me again until Monday. He told me that he has OCD, he can't help it, etc. It sounded as though he was trying to make me feel guilty about this.
I went to a running club for the first time on Monday and he was there. He wouldn't leave me alone. Because others were there, I couldn't tell him to leave me alone.
I've had enough now. I don't want him to contact me at all. That does mean no talking too. I've spoke to various people about this - Aspies tended to agree with me and said that I need to block his number, etc. NTs generally seem to think that I should make an effort with him and get to know him. But why? All he's done is contact me and I don't want a friendship which seems to be one sided. I am not prepared to deal with other peoples issues.
I'm seeing my support worker on Monday; so see what she has to say about this. I don't feel comfortable with him at all and he comes across as creepy tbh.
I thought that you are doing what NTs do best and are making a decision about a person based on your instincts.
Maybe the NTs are being polite.
In any case, I would drop all contact with him.
_________________
Your Aspie score: 93 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 109 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits
BlackSabre7
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I am not interested in passing judgement on him as I only have your side of the story, but if you don't want to see him, you should not have to see him.
If your relationship has been involved enough that he thought you were invested, then you should tell him that it is over, and whatever else, depending on what was between you.
But it looks like, from what you said, that there was not much between you yet. So as far as I can see, you should not have to explain anything. It is your life, and if he is not for you, then you have the right to make that choice, regardless of what anyone else thinks, and regardless of whether he is a good guy or not. It is not about hurting him, it is about your right to decide what company you want to keep.
You seem a bit distressed about it. If this is the case and people are pushing you toward him, then they are not concerned about your feelings, and you should not disrespect yourself by allowing them to make you do something that upsets you.
Stand up for yourself.
I know it's hard. Maybe your support person will help you do this. Do not feel guilty. You are not wrong to protect yourself if you feel you need it.
Thelibrarian
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![Confused :?](./images/smilies/icon_confused.gif)
Met a guy at a running goup a while back and we got talking and I told him I study Law. He wasn't there for a few weeks and explained that he'd been sectioned. He said that he'd been involved with the police, etc. and thinks that because I do Law, I can help him. (I can't. First year is focused on how Law is made, Parliament, courts, etc)
On Wednesday, we met up and exchanged numbers and said we'll go for coffee on Saturday once I've finished doing stuff in the morning.
On Thursday, I saw that I had 4 voice mails and 2 were from him talking nonsense. He sent me a text, which again made no sense. He did the same Friday.
On Friday, I told him to stop contacting me and that we can't meet up on Saturday. (by this time, plans had changed and dad had promised to take me somewhere; as him and mum were busy on Friday)
He left another voice mail (we're now at 5 voice mails between Wednesday evening and Friday afternoon) and I told him yet again to stop contacting me.
He didn't contact me again until Monday. He told me that he has OCD, he can't help it, etc. It sounded as though he was trying to make me feel guilty about this.
I went to a running club for the first time on Monday and he was there. He wouldn't leave me alone. Because others were there, I couldn't tell him to leave me alone.
I've had enough now. I don't want him to contact me at all. That does mean no talking too. I've spoke to various people about this - Aspies tended to agree with me and said that I need to block his number, etc. NTs generally seem to think that I should make an effort with him and get to know him. But why? All he's done is contact me and I don't want a friendship which seems to be one sided. I am not prepared to deal with other peoples issues.
I'm seeing my support worker on Monday; so see what she has to say about this. I don't feel comfortable with him at all and he comes across as creepy tbh.
Stranger, this is an easy one. The best way to handle this would be the next time he calls you, politely tell him never to contact you again. It is best either to record the conversation or have a witness on your end, though I understand this isn't absolutely necessary. Once this is done, and if he persists, you have legal recourse that varies according to which state or country you are in. Harassing women, or men, is definitely against the law. Then, I would try to avoid the places you suspect he might frequent.
Good luck!
Did you just ignore the first few times he messaged you? Because you should have told him straight away to stop contacting you.
Now, though, since you have told him, it might be considered stalking. I have no idea, I'm not a cop or anything. But when someone wont leave them alone, even if its just in a few groups and text messages, it sounds like stalking to me. So threaten to get the cops involved or do what TheLibrarian said and have a witness or record the conversation. Or show the text messages to them. But make sure you at least ask him once to leave you alone. If you only have angry messages or no messages to him, I imagine that wont be as helpful to you. I'm only guessing, I could be wrong, but that's the way I see it.
I don't know why anyone would take his side in this. He's clearly harrassing you. Ignore what the NT's are saying, they're wrong and being completely stupid. If anything like this should ever happen again, I wouldn't bother talking to NTs about it, unless you need to.
I remember when I was in High School. I moved into a new house and had to take a new bus (to the same school) and on that bus was the biggest bully in the school... that I would have at least a few classes with for the rest of my time there....
He didn't waste any time making me feel uncomfortable, which was soon followed by constant bullying. At first, my parents kept telling me that it was me, I didn't understand that this guy was just mucking around and wanted to be my friend. I should invite him over to our house *facepalm*
After a few weeks, they believed me/realized that he was a complete dick. The point that they don't see harassment for what it is, until it's really bad.
Sort of. I usually have my phone switched off unless I'm expecting a call or are doing something on it. It was switched off from when I got home on Wednesday at 8pm until Thursday around 12pm. He'd left 2 voice mails by then.
The only reason why I spoke to NTs was because I posted this question on another forum and as far as I'm aware, the people who responded were NTs.
![Confused :?](./images/smilies/icon_confused.gif)
Met a guy at a running goup a while back and we got talking and I told him I study Law. He wasn't there for a few weeks and explained that he'd been sectioned. He said that he'd been involved with the police, etc. and thinks that because I do Law, I can help him. (I can't. First year is focused on how Law is made, Parliament, courts, etc)
On Wednesday, we met up and exchanged numbers and said we'll go for coffee on Saturday once I've finished doing stuff in the morning.
On Thursday, I saw that I had 4 voice mails and 2 were from him talking nonsense. He sent me a text, which again made no sense. He did the same Friday.
On Friday, I told him to stop contacting me and that we can't meet up on Saturday. (by this time, plans had changed and dad had promised to take me somewhere; as him and mum were busy on Friday)
He left another voice mail (we're now at 5 voice mails between Wednesday evening and Friday afternoon) and I told him yet again to stop contacting me.
He didn't contact me again until Monday. He told me that he has OCD, he can't help it, etc. It sounded as though he was trying to make me feel guilty about this.
I went to a running club for the first time on Monday and he was there. He wouldn't leave me alone. Because others were there, I couldn't tell him to leave me alone.
I've had enough now. I don't want him to contact me at all. That does mean no talking too. I've spoke to various people about this - Aspies tended to agree with me and said that I need to block his number, etc. NTs generally seem to think that I should make an effort with him and get to know him. But why? All he's done is contact me and I don't want a friendship which seems to be one sided. I am not prepared to deal with other peoples issues.
I'm seeing my support worker on Monday; so see what she has to say about this. I don't feel comfortable with him at all and he comes across as creepy tbh.
Honestly, friendship is something that should happen naturally, and you can't force it. You should be open to giving him a second chance, but if you are sure that you don't want his company, it's your right (and imperative) that you are assertive enough to let him know gently. Right now, you're in school, you have to worry about you. Go get that diploma and don't let anyone's baggage hold you back.
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