Who Am I Really?

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I am a 21-year-old Aspie, but only learned it a couple years ago. Anyway, I've noticed something about myself recently which is that I tend to be a chameleon. I feel like I have a way of blending in and acting like whatever group I'm with, or have a desire to, at least. The problem is, I don't even really know who I am. I know I'm different from most people, but I try to act like them to fit in. So how do I know who I really, truly am? How do I learn my true identity?

That will become clearer to you as you age. You will learn your likes and dislikes, the type of people and activities you enjoy, special interests... all of these kinds things will go through adjustments over time until you finally reach the point of knowing exactly who you are. Just be patient and give it time, that's the best advice I can give.

This is my problem too and I am 44! I only got diagnosed last September so I am still working on it. Your own identity becomes the victim of your social success. In learning to be a "chameleon" as you describe, you must perforce abandon your "self" as you focus on perfecting the masks you wear in different social circumstances.
I have struggled with this idea - people say - "just be yourself" - and I have no idea what they mean by that. What mental list do I consult because there is nothing under M for Me?
It has struck me that this may be a largely metaphysical question anyway and, as a result, one that has no definitive answer. Most people in the world are delusional about their relative importance/influence etc. I have noticed on here that many Aspies are too so maybe it's part of the human condition. Perhaps our brand of ASD, which allows for good social coping methods, also makes us demand definitive answers where there are none and that people who claim to have identified their inner "self" are merely displaying another stripe of human delusion.
My advice? Be happy that you can get along with such a variety of people and don't sweat about who you are too much. Focus on being as happy and fulfilled as you can, whoever you are.

This question can easily lead to endless philosophical debate and become quite impractical. My advice would be to think of your hobbies, interests and what you are good at. Everyone has a unique talent in some area. Finding these things may help to give you a feeling of knowing who you are. This is a personal journey and you need to put the effort in yourself for this.

As for the chameleon. Don't let your social identity define you. The way people see you is far from the real you, especially if you have aspergers. It is part of who you are but its not the whole picture.

There is no conclusive answer to this question but seeking the answer is part of the journey of life.

^ Agree with this.

I also wanted to add that even though NT's think they're "being themselves" around other people this isn't true. There's the "you" that is alone in your mind and who acts differently when no one else is around (walking around in your underwear, belching or passing gas, not bothering to speak all day, whatever), but then there are other "you" roles that you slip into for different situations. People act differently in a classroom than at the table having dinner with their family, and people act differently at the swimming pool than they do in traffic. From what I've been studying so far, it's just that NTs have an easier time of knowing which set of behavior (role) to use for which situation. But they still make social mistakes and have social confusion, which can affect how they try to define themselves.

And I agree with all the replies and especially that of VAGraduateStudent ^ ^ ^ ^

I think NTs too have various hats they wear, or masks, for the different social situations, exactly as VAGraduateStudent describes. Pretty much everyone, whatever wiring they have, tend to be different people in each setting they deal with in life, work, friends, family, school.

I wouldn't worry too much about this -- you're showing a skill of adapting socially that NTs operate on all the time too.

And I also agree with the first response which says that as you get older you find out more who your central "Me" is also, and start refining-down your preferences in terms of those different groups, friends, activities, etc.