Being a flawed human being

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does anyone ever have the feeling that, as a autistic person, , one doesn't have the licence or "5th freedom' to be a reasonably flawed human being, whilst NT seem do. of course there are the flaws or eccentricities that they don't show, but I feel this way especially when i have screwed up in some way in the day and you feel that is going to follow you, not only because, at least in my case, you have trouble forgetting that unpleasant feeling even though it had been days or maybe even weeks after the fact... you keep realizing that you have been there in your mind thinking ok i know what i did was wrong im going to remember and internalize the lesson. it really bugs me how people on reality television are in a sense rewarded with the attention for doing some of things i do on accident. dare i say respected for that. yes i say respect its because people who watch those shows and add to the ratings in a sense approve of it and feed and perpetuate it and yet, for some reason, we who are in some ways are just like those idiots on the tube but actually have a real reflective intellect and suffer as real human beings, are usually put off to the side, criticized if not rejected...

I can say that flawed NT's can also be treated in a similar way. They are less likely to get into that situation because of their prowess but those who show it for attention get the same reactions as us in real life.
I would actually guess that other NT's can't tell if it's an unintentional thing or not so all get the same blanket response.

On a television is a different situation entirely, they are rewarded for their actions and even make amends more quickly because they want to appear more entertaining by keeping the 'story' moving at a fast pace but more full of drama than true life normally is.

i don't think they change, they keep doing it over and over but people keep watching it to and say oh no i want anything to do with this. i still believe people in a sense condone that behavior( only to a point i admit) but seriously if they find it so disagreeable in real life why do they indulge and engage in it only on television. it is sort of rhetorical question, i don't like watching scary movies because that uncomfortable feeling of being scared or startled sucks. yes perhaps the context is different, unintentional as opposed to intentional, and i like good wholesome ridiculous inappropriate comedy as much as the next guy. But Reality television by definitions(as loose as as their mouths) is "reality" they are actually interacting with the wider world that is beyond their thinking. A stage, movie screen is purposefully off and out of the way but this is way different. Reality T.V is like letting all the tigers lions, vipers, pythons loose to run all over the zoo or city. "Reality" television does not have the boundaries of fiction whether i am watching from the couch or am being literally confronted by the stars of the show as just some person on the street going about his business. Reality T.V interferes with the world as much as the socially undesirable people who are rejected, not like movies or books. those things only have an influence or inertia when people decide to "act them out"

back to the point of my thread,, i still think that people like us who make mistakes are disenfranchised more unfairly than anyone else, whether they be autistic or not because I break these unwritten rules and yet these reality people break every unwritten rule on television and are rewarded for it. Reflective people actually try to change but these people don't but we suffer more for trying to be the better person in life or in our own thoughts. we in a sense punish ourselves by being at unease about it and everything else punishes us by creating and enforcing these standards or codas which normal old fashioned human being can't live up to. This world was not made for our sake granted, but i feel it has changed so much that is now been engineered to exclude people who have struggles and flaws that aren't overbearingly psychotic or clinical, I literary am afraid the sterile, less than human fictional utopia/dystopia future of Prometheus's Run, Brave New world, THX 138 are slowly becoming the new real.

Our expieriances shape the outlook of our Lives. for me, anyways. Choose a better way, If you have a problem you arent obviously going to stick a needle into your arm for instant relief. This is a mental hurdle and why most people turn into addicts. They have not masterd there own feelings and let them run amuck in thier lives. Dont let your situation or how you are feeling dictate anything in your life

Sometimes sh-t happens to good people. dont let it get you down, deal with it. and move on, Some trees even in the eye of a great hurricane do not break, but bend in the ferocious wind. Why? there roots are deeply planted. Such is life, put in some hard work to overcome whatever it is you face and the outcomes will see you though anything life throws at you

its tough... it really is.. i have come to a point where i have some grasp of my shortcomings and have managed to go deep down and change their nature but stay true to who i am as a person not as a bundle of impulsive ticks I still feel alienated and rejected, before i saw the clear cause and effect relationship, but now that i have made the effort to change myself i still find myself in the same predicament but don't know why now. What is it am i doing that is soo wrong?? that more or less is a rhetorical question because it would be too much to go into detail on this forum. why do i feel im still being punished for something everyone has seemingly forgotten? it really just makes me what to cry...

The more you let go and stop thinking the better. this just causes a trifecta of problems, let things shake out for you. for me, when I observe nature it doesnt worry so why should I? Do you see grass crying because it doesnt grow or some puppie dog craps on it? Nope. remember we are nothing but animals. high functioning ones at that, the real tragity in all of this is we are beating ourselves up for absolutely nothing.

Enjoy your journey on earth it will save you alot of heartache

Mitrovah and richardbenson, thank you for your realness, realism, and great perspectives. I love the combination of both. It's starting to make me a feel a bit better, and to realize that I need to keep making my own paths. If things aren't working out, I just need to move on. It's not like I don't have enough to do- I have too much!

Oh you are mighty welcome. Getting stuck mentally somewhere is a awful expieriance, getting out isn't really that hard however and once you do it a couple of times it becomes a pattern of behavior ingraphted into your subcoincious. pretty soon you get yourself out without even realizing it