Very annoying friend

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Hi aspies,

About 2 years ago I met a boy (well... he´s 29) through a student´s association. At first we got along great and he invited me to parties, movie nights, cinema, etc with his friends. We did a lot of things together. Often times when we went out for dinner he paid my bill or a part of my bill. He also did that with other friends a lot by the way. And yes, he has a girlfriend. But then about a year ago I started feeling very uncomfortable with him. I just felt like he wasn´t that nice to me any more. For example we went to dinner one time and I showed up 10 minutes late, because I needed to urgently get a book from the library at the last moment. I told him that about 50 minutes in advance. He got VERY mad at me and threw a scene on the streets when I got to him. When we arrived at the restaurant we were 5 minutes early. Fuss for nothing. Then he got mad once because I pulled his ear and said he was a little crazy, as a joke. Nobody else understood why he got mad with that. Another time he had offended me, I offended him back, and he accused me of ´judging too fast´. Apparently it didn´t come to his mind that what he said to me first was offensive to me. A few days later he facebooks me: 'are you still mad'? Like a puppy dog with hanging ears.

Anyway, because of all these stupid little temper tantrums, I just don´t trust him anymore. I don´t feel like seeing him anymore and I have nothing to say to him.
Last year I went away to France for 5 months. We rarely talked on facebook because I was so busy. He knew that. When I was back in my homecountry the first day he sent me ´are you coming along on the yearly association trip´? I was just so busy and 'exhausted' from the whole studying abroad experience that I didn't respond until 2 weeks later on facebook. When I had sent my response I saw that he removed me off of his facebook. He said 'I removed you from facebook'. I said 'alright'. Then he sent me a smiley. (come on, how pathetic is that) Honestly, I didn't miss him one minutes when I was in France.

One week later, yesterday, he sends me a text 'are you mad at me?' A few days before this he had purposely ignored me on the streets when he saw me walking.
I just don't understand this. Did he expect me too feel bad and ask him for forgiveness at first?


I find this ridiculous I have no desire anymore to maintain a friendship with this person anymore, due to what he has done in the past; his unstable behaviour.
I'm sick of it. I can't believe he has the guts, after all this, to try and send me a pathetic text like that. Thinks he can just cut me out of his live, expects an apology and then has the guts to say 'are you mad at me?' That's what he asked EVERY single time. It NEVER got better after that.

How do a make this clear to him? I don't want to really hurt him... For me this friendship is over.

IF you want it to be clear to him, you are probably going to have to state it plainly. Otherwise he might think you are just upset and he can make amends like he has. At least that is what I am thinking. If you are too tactful he might misinterpret things and you will just have to blankly reject him down the line.

Its rather clear that you don't like him anymore, and he needs to be able to understand that, and perhaps going over why. I really do not know what is appropriate though.

I understand how you are feeling and I know you would like to say something. However, I think in this case it would be unwise for you to talk to this guy. If you did that, then you would just be feeding his fire by responding so he could abuse you further. He sounds like he is just controlling and enjoys controlling other people. I mean, can you imagine what it is like for his girlfriend? Yet she puts up with it.

Friend wise, he is not a friend. Someone who constantly abuses you with tempertantrums is not capable of that title.

I had a friend like this for a while too but this was a girl who had some major emotional problems. Like you, things were fine for two years and then she went to a vocational school and started meeting new people. Right after, she joined the US military with in months of graduating. It was like she never had time for me anymore and that everyone else was more important. This was true if it were a guy. I even offered to take her to dinner before she left for basic and she even blew me off for that. I would call her on the carpet about it and she would just blow up at me and have a temper tantrum. In fact, she was so bad that she would blow up on my cell phone voice mail. Then she would put me down on FB. Meanwhile, I could never go anywhere.

Then while she was playing these games, I was her "Best friend."

If you wanted some space from her, and then try to contact her to see how she was going, she would show major resentment and abuse.

So, just drop the guy and leave him alone. If he tries to contact you on FB again, I would just block him and ignore him. He seems to ignore you unless he wants something.

Hey y'all, thank you for your advice.

The weird thing is that I just met a girl during my final bachelor's project who also was a good friend of him for several years. She told me that she had almost the EXACT SAME experience as I did, and that eventually she decided to put op with it. When they had just met for a month, he gave her a 150 dollar camera. Kind of creepy. She sent him an email that she didn't really want any contact anymore, and that she just didn't feel a connection anymore. This is what happened: when he saw her walking down the street the next week, he asked her why she couldn't say it straight to her face that she didn't wanna be friends anymore. He started yelling at her, getting really mad. When she walked on, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back. And then he started yelling again.

Seriously, how scary is that? It makes me wonder how he behaves with his girlfriend. Does she just put up with it, because he buys her lot and -sometimes- pretends to be the sweet guy? I would not want someone like that to be the father of my children.

Anyway, he also tries to influence people by talking bad about people to many others. This girl, she is a very normal nice girl. When we were friends he told me that she was a slut, insecure and that he called her a whore once. That he didn't deserve to be treated by her that way.
And I know for a fact that he gossips a lot about other people.

Anyway, the girl told me just to ignore him. But it would be so awkward if we see eachother again at the faculty

I just want him out of my life, but this guy can't seem to face rejection. I already blocked him on facebook.

There's no way to tell someone that their expectations won't be met without upsetting them.

The best way is to just be less responsive of his messages and fade away. And if he's honestly concerned and wants to learn why, then tell him.

It sounds like you have been doing the right thing. The idea to do would be to notify the authorities of the student association. He not only sounds very controlling and abusive that also have some mental disorders as well. It sounds like bi-polar or maybe even a form of pathological behaviors. If he is lying like that.

I wouldn't show him any attention. If he messages you again, ignore it. Don't write back because it shows that you acknowledged him even if it's in a negative way. Move one it the best way to approach this.

Yes, Alakazaam has great advice. Either way, I would look into documenting down everything he does, and also notify the authorities.

Well he seems to play the game of, do you maybe want to be my girlfriend game. That is what I see guys do. Some back and forth banter. You could say, I'm not interested in a friendship or a romantic relationship with you. Sorry we'll both have to move on. Read this as my last message.

It first I thought this might be the case. In the very beginning when he just met me he tried to hit on me. Told me that I was ' very gorgeous'. But then I ignored that and we kinda just moved on as friend. Not that much time later, he met he's girlfriend. A sweet lovely girl who he has been dating for almost 2 years now.

So yeah, he does have a girlfriend.

So have you tried the direct approach yet and just ask what is up with his behaviour? Being silent is the same advice as, oh don't over think it, it will just come to you.

Guys just being friends? Maybe some guys are like that. It is possible, however, in my opinion, highly unlikely.

Some guys are just flirts and then there are the ones who are just plain flat out controlling and maybe he is just a control freak. He also sound like has a case of clingitis.

Blocking him on Facebook is a really big hint. Like any relationship, a friendship can go fine for a while, then fizzle out. If this is been a repeating pattern for him in the past, find out what happened in the other cases. It may be that he is simply a male version of a drama queen who needs some sort of climatic event for closure. If others have dealt with him effectively, then consider doing whatever they did. Good luck!

Sounds like he is not all there in the head. I would cut my ties with him. Either tell him to stop talking to you or ignore him altogether. If he doesn't stop then that is harassment and is an actionable offense. Make it absolutely 100 percent clear to him that your friendship is ove.r

I agree that he is not all there. I did read her posts earlier she told me that it sounds like he is not very nice to his girlfriend and evidently put her down ALL the time.

It also said earlier that she did manage to block this guy and I am glad that she did.