How to not be awkward when someone tries to make small talk?

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UnLoser
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21 Mar 2013, 5:42 pm

There's this girl in my class who's quite friendly. She tries to get me to come out of my shell, prodding me to work on being more outgoing (needless to say, her addressing my shortcomings in this manner makes me uncomfortable, but I appreciate her kindness). And she often will try to make small talk with me, which I appreciate, because few people are willing to come up to me and engage me like that. Yes, it feels a bit patronizing, but honestly, I'm glad someone is trying to talk to me for once.

But it's always super-awkward, because I'm no good at small talk. I can respond when she asks me "how are you", and stuff, but then the conversation goes silent, and I feel a pressure to say something. But coming up with something to say is like wizardry for me. I don't know a whole lot about her, so I can't ask anything too specific. I just need something fluffy to say in those first few seconds of conversation, to fill in the gaps.

How have you learned to handle this (if you have at all)?



the_beautiful_mess
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21 Mar 2013, 5:52 pm

You have two options, as I see it.

1) If you want to talk to her, 'What did you do at the weekend?' is good between Monday and Tuesday, and then from about Wednesday onwards you can get away with 'Are you doing anything nice this weekend?'. It tends to make people talk a bit, but be prepared for them to ask you back. Think of something to say that preferably isn't 'Oh, you know... stuff.'

2) If you don't really want to talk to her, make an excuse. 'Sorry, I have to go for my [insert instrument of your choice] lesson', or 'Oh no, I said I'd meet with [insert teacher/student] about some homework!' are both good ones. And, in the event you can't/don't want to lie, you can tell her straight you don't want to talk, subtly insult her until she notices, or just RUN AWAY. I have, maybe twice, gone with that option, and it might not be most 'helpful' strictly speaking, but it WORKS. 8O <-- It's perfectly acceptable for this to be your current face.

Good luck. :wink:


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FireoftheStorm
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21 Mar 2013, 7:08 pm

Wow, thanks for the post idea. I may be able to improve my small talk as well. (Usually use music or jokes about movies/shows/youtube/gov.)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xvs_ujk-06s[/youtube]


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Ann2011
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21 Mar 2013, 7:40 pm

UnLoser wrote:
How have you learned to handle this (if you have at all)?

Try babbling . . . She seems to like you, so just go on about something she might be interested in. Sometimes it's the effort rather than the content.



MjrMajorMajor
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22 Mar 2013, 12:07 am

My wizardry wand came shorted out, unfortunately. I wish I could help, but lend you my empathy instead. :)



auntblabby
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22 Mar 2013, 3:24 am

i'm glad i don't have to worry about having to do any of that stuff. being a hermit gives one tremendous freedom to just be oneself without having to meet societal expectations.



Bellissima
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25 Mar 2013, 3:32 pm

You can't force a turtle out of its shell



UnLoser
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25 Mar 2013, 8:27 pm

Thanks for the replies, guys.

Ugh, I am not doing well with socializing at school, and my social anxiety is flaring up worse than normal. I just feel like s*** sitting in that classroom. There are some very nice people in my class who I'd like to make friends with, but it's not so easy. I can't really initialize any interactions with them because my anxiety is so crippling. And of course they usually don't talk to me on their own. No one wants to be friends with ME. I have to make all the effort. I won't give up, though. But nowadays, the mere act of sitting in that classroom feels like torture. Even right now, I feel incredibly bad anxious. It's tearing me apart.

Bellissima wrote:
You can't force a turtle out of its shell

What if the turtle wants to come out of its shell?