How do you know when a friendship over?

Post Reply New Topic

I have a feeling it is; but I can't get an answer from him.

Won't bore you with all the details. Short version:
Met someone online 10 years ago. In 2006, we started having some issues. He found out (because I made the mistake of making a rant about it) that I was self harming and he confronted me about. This caused us to have a lot of problem. One minute he was saying he didn't trust me and believed that if he stayed away from me, I would commit suicide and would make it out to be his fault. I never once mentioned suicide to him and don't understand where he got that from. My reaction was to become clingy and he'd refuse (despite that comment) to speak me. This happened one time and he refused to talk to me for about 6 weeks and never once told me what was going on.

In 2009 / 10, we met up and would meet up most weeks. I started having issues again with depression and self harm. By this point, I'd moved out of my parents house for uni. He contacted my dad and told him what was going on and informed me what he'd done a few days later, which I really wasn't happy with; as it meant I was then forced to tell them what was going on. Again, he told me he didn't trust me (he didn't actually say that; but it was obvious from what he said, that's what he really mean) but at the same time, he wouldn't talk to me. At some point, he claimed that I was obsessed with him and I refused to discuss it. At the same time, I didn't deny or confess that was true.

After a month, he finally allowed me to talk to him. But it had to be on the condition that I got help. Not long after this, (I believe it was mentioned before some years previously and ignored it) he told me that he thinks I have Autism. At the time, I didn't really understand what Autism was (despite living with someone with it) and thought nothing of it.

We're having problems again. He's aware (it was obvious anyway) that I am obsessed with him. He's currently refusing to speak to me and says he's blocked my mobile number and email address. It's been like this for a few months now. Yet again, he won't tell me what the problem is and won't tell me what I've got to do for him to let me talk to him again. (assuming he does let me)

I think you know deep down it's time to move on from that one. I know it's difficult to let people go, but if he's blocked you and is refusing to speak to you that's a pretty big message. There's an element of control in your description I don't like either. Maybe he felt it was a way to support you, but the fact he "allowed" you to speak to him on his decided conditions sets off alarm bells for me. That's just how I read it, anyway.

A few things:

1. Were you calling him many times? If so, it can turn a person off. I know I have done it to others and vise versa.
2. It sounds like the relationship went south in 2006 because it was obvious that you both have problems of your own and needed to take care of yourselves.
3. As for you feeling depressed, and him not trusting you, it sounds like he was not a good friend with you to begin with. When someone just pushes you away when you are going through a rough time, rather than give you emotional support then it is a red flag.

Now~

I would try to find a support group where others are being treated for depression and are getting help. I would also look around until you can find someone who will really listen to you and give you good advice. That other guy is toxic and will bring you down.

As for the other guy, I would write to him and mention, "I am sorry you feel that way but it seems to me that you are not capable of being a good friend because when your friends are in trouble> I really feel you need to be a support system and not someone who is callous. In this case, you have not been filling my needs and seemed to be kicking me when I am down. Whatever I am doing wrong in your eyes, I am sorry. However, if you cannot communicate with me about what is wrong then this is goodbye."

You don't have to put up with that crap.

Yeah, it's time to let go. If he's not willing to stick by you when times are tough, then it's not worth trying to keep the friendship going.

I never called him. I seem to have a habit of texting him when I know he's busy. (I do that to everyone )



When he did this in 2010, he explained (I knew anyway) that he was having issues of his own and he said that he can't deal with me as well. Whether that has happened again, I don't know.

I am glad that he told you that he is having problems of his own and that is the main key. However, there are times where people can use that as a way of being manipulative when they are not interested. Then again, maybe he did not know how to handle depression and I have no idea.

What I do know from looking at this scenario is that this relationship is over and he really does not want to associate with you. I don't know him personally and have never met him but he sounds like someone who is rather shallow and also tends to think he is more important. For instance, telling you that he thinks you have "Autism" is a major insult in my opinion. He also sounds like he is sort of a trouble maker type in terms of calling your parents.


Again, this guy is not a friend and probably never will be due to not having the mental capacity of it. If I also may say so, it seems that he really never liked you because if he did then he would not have acted this way.