Annoying Mom!

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My mom is embarrassing! If I get together with her and somebody else (aunt, neighbor, etc.) and I "do a good job" of carrying on even the most simple of conversations, she gives me a big congratulations. I hate when she does this. I'm am more functional that she gives me credit for. I wish she would stop doing this. It's really annoying! I was really sick a few years ago and still am "special needs", but that doesn't mean that she should treat me like a little kid. I'm a adult, for goodness sake! I do want to thank her for caring, but I want to prove to her that I can handle myself better and can do many things on my own.

Does anybody else have the problem of being talked down to? Am I alone with this problem?

You are not alone in this universe, my friend. Some people look/talk down to me as well, not my mother of course, but some people. For example, a friend of mine who I work with had taken it upon himself to try and get me and the girl I like--also a wonderful friend and coworker--together for her senior prom. I later began to figure out that he had embellished the whole thing; it could've been true, but I heard from her that she doesn't want to go to her prom AT ALL. So it felt like he was treating me more of a project than a real friend. Of course, both of them planned a surprise birthday party for me, which is a big deal to me because no one outside my family ever did anything for me, let alone a birthday party. Still though, it hurts me a little that he would fill me with false hope. And yes, it sounds like i'm rounding mars to get to the moon but I thoroughly explain EVERYTHING. So in conclusion, you're not alone =)

I have been complaining to my boyfriend that as of late I notice people been talking down to me.. or using a tone they would normally use with a child. Gives me real pause. Then today got the meanest customer ever. The more she screamed at me the more I shut down the more dumb I appeared. Finally I just shut my eyes and moved my hand box to box til she screamed "THERE!"

**sigh**

I know I can be a bit daft sometimes... but I would never dream to treat someone like some have treated me as of late.

Sorry to be long winded.. but I too can relate to what you say.

I left a local social group because one of the committee members was like this.

Glad 'm not alone. Still, it's probably harder with a close family member.

Warm Air

I feel like there are times where praise could be good, like maybe occasionally and generally after something big. But yeah, that's definitely way too much.

I think I don't get that because 1. I haven't really told much anyone 2. for those I've mentioned it to, the topic doesn't come up much, and 3. I'm not officially diagnosed yet. But even just hearing your description, I know I'd get annoyed too. (I get pretty annoyed with a lot of the stuff I do get from my dad.)

My mom just came into my room, and caught me on this site. I live independently, but am home for the weekend. She was like "good girl", as if I was a dog who sat or gave paw. She is so annoying, even if she is proud of me taking charge of my AS.

Does telling her how you feel help at all?

I would answer her with an overly enthusiastic "Thank you SO MUCH! It was very, very difficult but I thought of the Little Engine That Could and kept thinking I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, and then I DID IT!" and then roll your eyes and walk out of the room. She will get the message.

Tried, but doesn't help at all.

Be annoying back and start counting out loud every time she does it. For example, "That's one." .. "That's two." Eventually (hopefully) she'll question why you're counting. Be short and sweet, "That's every time I feel you're talking down to me." Don't engage into conversation beyond that. Let her absorb it herself since you've already had the talk with her. The counting will annoy her and hopefully she'll curb it!

My son is the one with special needs and this is what MY mom does that irritates ME:
I'll say something like (I'll use a most recent story),
"Guess what I just signed [son] up for?"
"What?"
"Dragonboating!" I was once on a Dragonboat team myself so I was pretty excited he agreed to trying it out himself.

Her response was: "Ohhh, [my name].. you really need to get him involved in things. He needs to start spending time doing things independently. You really need that!..." (blah blah blah) Tone: "sympathetic" .. mm.. pity.

I've ALWAYS enrolled him into things. In fact, here's a list (alphabetical order):

Arts and Crafts Club (school)
Babysitting Club (school)
Babysitting Camp
Badminton (x3) (school)
Baseball
Basketball (x3) (school + comm. cntr)
Cooking
Cycling Camp (x2)
Curling
Day Camps (forever)
Daycare, Before/after school Care (since age 1)
Digital Camp
Dragon Boating (next month)
Games Club (school)
Ice Skating Lessons (x3)
Lunch Monitor (school)
Overnight Camps (x2)
Playground Leader (x3 years - school)
Pre-teen Clubs/Movie (2 years, weekly)
Safety Patrol (x2 years - school)
Soccer (x5 school + comm. cntr)
Swimming Lessons (x5)
Taekwondo
Volleyball (school)
Violin Club (school)
Wii Club

Plus he goes to the public library by himself, regularly, after school - sometimes meeting other kids there.
Sooooo, when she says, "Ohhhhhhhh [name]..." It rubs me the WRONG WAY! She is well aware of all the things I have him enrolled in. I hate the pitty party. She sees it as me needing "a break" vs. him learning a new skill and having fun. Grr!

Last edited by ASDsmom on 24 Apr 2013, 7:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The clerk where I get the oil changed for my car always does this--being very patronizing and speaking slowly with little words. I can't quite decide whether it is because she thinks I am poor (since I always want to understand what each charge on the bill is for), or because she thinks I am slow. Either way, even though that place does very good service on my car I don't know if I can stand continuing to do business with them.

I know what you mean, my mum is like this too. It's really patronising and almost insulting. I'm 27 and she treats me like a child sometimes, despite seeking my advice reasonably often and sometimes behaving like a child herself. I make her aware of this regularly but she still continues to do it.

Easiest solution is to just stay away from her if you can. I'm lucky in that I don't feel much of a connection with either of my parents, so it's easier to live without them for the most part.

Good luck if you stick with her, you'll need it!

I notice this type of behaviour occurs especially in people who work with autistics a lot or are relatives of them.

I see it as a form of aggression and fury directed at those autistics to be honest.

My mum doesn't do it, neither does my dad, they see me as a person, not as a nuisance or something that doesn't deserve to be on this planet.

Perhaps if you print out this thread and show it to her?

If it's on paper it will be there to remind her--and the reactions of others may take her outside of her warped perspective when she's focused on you.

Good point. Reminds me of something one of my mum's friends said, it was something like "sentiment is repressed resentment." I was much younger then and didn't understand, but she could obviously see how my mum treated me, and even said it in front of her.

It's really disturbing being on the other end of this behaviour and seeing it for what it is. I don't know what to do about it and what a reasonable response would be.