Roomates

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Anyone have tips for an Aspie living with two NT roomates? Let me add that it is a situation based on financial convience and I'm moving out as soon as possible. It has become a very rocky experience, pun wasn't intended. Lol. The roomates seem to go to so much effort to try to use me and then get frustrated because I don't know what they're getting at. They lavish in manipulation and my aspie social skills don't pick up on what it is they want. I keeping asking them to be straight up with me. They prefer dramma and mind games as a means of communication. I just need some advice from whoever has any input on this. Just trying to survive one more month with them. Thankfully i have a wonder NT bf who translates for me when they try to beat around the bush. Any other aspies have some coping strategies for me? Thanks in advance. I so appreciate any tips.

Would it be possible to just minimize interaction with them over the next month? Or is there a lot of shared space/activity between the three of you?

I was in a roommate situation like this about 10 years ago myself and so I know what you are going through. They were older than I was also manipulated me by lying or just blowing things out of proportion that they did not need to.

Back then, I either stayed in my bedroom, basement, or stayed out all night when one of them was home because she just got nasty.

Now I would not stand for that bullying:

It sounds like you need to talk to them the next time they try to put you down and by mentioning that you share a rent with them and should be allowed the same privileges. I would also bring it up that they seem to live in a fantasy world that everyone should be the same when that is NOT case and that they need to support you. If they can't then I would go ahead and talk to the landlord or whoever else.

Avoid them like Plague. That's all I can say. I hated those kind of roommates.

I am still haunted by my two roommates and it is been 10 years since I lived with them or seen them.

I also made some bad choices back then but they did not help either by making matters worse with how they handled the situation.


Anyway, I am also going to mention that when a roommate freaks out like that, it means that they are not really responsible. In fact, I would say that you have been living with some know it alls.

Thanks to all of you who replied. If anything it just reinforced my confidence in myself to get some real advice and understanding from others. i was afraid keeping to myself more than i already do would backfire by giving them more to dramatize about, but actually its been beneficial . less drama and I've had more energy. And that includes the energy to say the right responses to stop their games in their tracks. Yes, the situation still sucks. But I'm recognizing this as a temporary thing now that a few years from now will be far in the past. Hearing from someone who's been through this helps me see it this way. Wow, its so refreshing to get some real, sincere advice from ppl... any other opinions appreciated. I'm definately gonna celebrate when i get the hell outta here!

My roommates last year weren't all that bad. There was one girl who was great, her little brother had AS and I was good friends with her. The rest were just.. typical girls. They wanted me to watch Sex and the City with them and go out to clubs at first. I started avoiding them completely because conversations were so awkward and I didn't wanna watch Sex in the City or go to clubs. I think I lived off sandwiches and precooked food for a whole year so I didn't have to go down to the kitchen because they'd try talking to me.

My situation:
My roommates were in their late 20's while I was in my early 20's. They were girls who were already well established by means of college, career, etc. They were more experienced than I was in being independent and had certain expectations of people younger than them. This included thinking that since I lived with them that I automatically was a mature adult at 20 and 21. They were also heavy drinkers and had a few parties there.

Then there was me, a young girl just starting out by trying to work, go to school and etc. I also was trying to enjoy my independence and did not pick up on certain cues. I also did not clean the house when they wanted things done but on my time. At that age, I was not good with money and ended up ruining my credit and their's in the end. However, I did not know how to mow the lawn.

However, like I mentioned above, one of the two roommates was just plain flat out nasty at me about everything. In fact, I could almost never do anything right in her eyes. They even made a big deal about not fitting in because I wasn't their age. Then they did not want to teach me how to mow because they did not trust me.

Whenever that roommate was around, it made me feel uncomfortable and so I would either stay in my room, stay out late, or stay in the basement until she left or went to bed. There were a few times where they were so bad that it made me cry.


The second roommate was a little more laid back than the other one and I was able to get along with them better but we were not buddies. However, they invited me to a few of their parties after turning 21. Yet, they got mad at me for getting too drunk at one of their parties. Again, like with the first roommate, they had a cow because I did not mow the lawn because I did not known how and they would not teach me.

The second roommate will also have nothing to do with me since I wrote so many bad checks.

Based on my nightmare experiences with roomates, the best peiece of advice I could give would be..........

Never have more than one roomate. More than two people living together ineveitably turns into lord of the flies with one person being singled out for all the frustration. If there are only two people it's much harder to scapegoat.

Both of my roommates did that towards the end when I wrote those bad checks to the utility bills after they knew that I did not have the money and repeatedly asked me to write them for the bills.

Yes, I will admit that I was irresponsible and if I did it all over again, I would have found different ways to pay.

I remember leaving a note about a week before the lease expired that I would be staying at my parents' house before moving away to my next living arrangement. So I left my their phone number on the kitchen counter too.

So, they called both called.

1. The first girl with low tolerance called and just grew obnoxious on the phone about me paying $250 to the company and how they were getting ready to cut off their services. I just hung up and had them call me back and so I told them to that I would call the police if she called there again.

2. The second one was more realistic and wanted to talk to my mother, who was up to here with their negligence and refused to talk with them and so I had to tell her that my mom was not up to talking and hung up.

I know that AS people can be very different from each other, but I'll share my experience anyway.

I am NT, but I had an AS roommate, so my advice is to understand and recognize that both of you see the world differently. Be honest about your expectations of each other. I had trouble with my Aspie roommate because she was obsessively tidy and assumed I was tidy as well. I, however, am messy and I assumed she was too. We didn't communicate that clearly, and neither of us stopped to think about how the other one felt, so terrible drama ensued. Now I know that the best thing you can do for your roommate (aside from the dishes) is to just be honest about your needs and expectations. That way, there are no unpleasant surprises later on.

The girl who was so nasty liked things to go in a certain way or she was not happy. She was a supposed NT but I wonder something if she wasn't AS herself.


For instance, she freaked out because I happened to push a chair into the kitchen table and according to her, it was supposed to go another way.

Interesting, well if i ever have a rm again it'll be one... never doing the two rm thing again.
with the ocd issue, ironically one of them is way more ocd than me. now, when i was growing up my NT brother, who has a few pronounced aspie traits was also way more ocd than me. Then difference was his was with "his" stuff. The rm who is ocd is even ocd with my room. Obviously this makes me uncomfortable. One time when i was out he even came into my room and rearranged everything! I later found my CDs were missing. I demanded he give them back until he did. We've made a rule that he will never do this again. He's still always telling me i don't clean it right, wth is wrong with him? Here's whre it gets more interesting... the othet roomate, his gf doesn't believe in cleaning. Now, i like my place clean but it gets overwhelming cleaning up aftet her all the time. So now i cope with that by shutting down emotionally to the mess and to his using it to manipulate me. He'll thank me for cleaning but then say he does it better. Or I'll tell him I'm going to clean today and he'll say that he wants to do it, then go on and on about how he's the only one who cleans. He sometimes gpinto a monogue about all he did to clean today and Ill say nect time come get me and I'llbe more than happy to help. And guess what? He gets angry and goes into the monologue all over. I repeat myself and he leaves the room. The landlord actually told me the place wad trashed before I moved in... They're playing games. Im just glad I've been saving up for another place and won't be there much longer.

Well, thanks to ever yone who replied here.I'm done folliwing this thread but just wanted to say that the padt couple days things have been a lot smoother! i can't take credit for it though, its thanks to a friend of mine who intervened and helped clear out a few misunderstandings. so the sitution, altough temporarily so, is more bearable now. ....peace.