What is wrong with giving up on socializing?

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I have a mild form of Aspergers that I wasn't aware of until my 20s. After years of being the odd one out of the bunch/weirdo I finally decided to quit socializing and become a hermit about 5 years ago. Outside of work I don't socialize at all or really go out. I'm actually content with being alone now and I no longer get lonely, or long for social interaction to the point where you're physically sick (like I used to do in desperate attempts to make friends, find a significant other etc) anymore and I feel pretty good and I'm at peace.


I think people fear giving in because they fear loneliness, but once it's embraced it's not really that bad. In order to overcome a fear you have to jump in it head first and defeat it.




However now that I have defeated the fear of loneliness (that so many of us fight against) I have friends/family who tell me it's not normal and that I need to change.



But I'm perfectly comfortable/content with where I am right now.



Why do these people want me to have emotional attachments (like "normal" people) so that I can be miserable/depressed etc when that relationship/attachment ends or said person/people dies? I truly feel like the only way I can honestly survive in this world is to be detached....from everyone. If I am connected to people I feel like I'll surely die.....somehow.....
The fact is, I'm just far too sensitive (or emotionally weak) to be able to function in a normal society like everyone expects me to.



I won't survive living the way friends/family want me to........ I know this because I KNOW ME.




I don't expect many to relate, I'm just looking for external opinions and thoughts right now.

Last edited by StarTrekStarWars on 09 May 2013, 11:02 pm, edited 4 times in total.

They should listen to you when you tell them what makes you happy.
Pssst your dislike of being attached might come from Schizoid personality disorder or Avoidant personality disorder. They're pretty common co-morbids, too. Might be fun for you to know if it does... And that might make your family more understanding. But then again if they don't accept what you say now I don't really know if they would.

I get lonely. but you know, now how I see this thing working (making friends) being alone really isn't that bad after all. I guess I'm more horny all the time than anything. And this has masked itself into wanting to make a friend? I dunno but I just want it to stop.

Anyways, I think you should do whatever is best for you. You are the bossman

I was expecting people to tell me that I was wrong/crazy etc



Instead I find a bunch of enablers.............




:shrugs:




I guess I'll go and play the devils advocate against myself then, HUMAN BEINGS are social animals, It is unnatural to cut yourself off from human emotion and attachment. You are LIMITING yourself to the many possibilities/experiences life has to offer by choosing to live the way you do









Right?

Oh, are you a troll who wanted to diss hermits? Anyway if you're serious then consider looking up AvPD and SPD.

Why do people think I'm a troll?



Seriously....



<----was actually permanently banned from socialphobiaworld for allegedly trolling, which is something I never do.



[i](even amongst the so called outcast I still get labeled an outcast)



Ugh, thus is life.



:: shrugs ::

Absolutely nothing. Except you waive your right to blame other people for it.

Does being alone bring you happiness, or is there a fear of being hurt or abandoned that you haven't jumped in and defeated yet?

Yes, I am most comfortable/content/most happy when I'm alone.


Having the knowledge that attachments only bring misery just reinforces it.


However the few friends that I have and family members don't like it view me as a weird handicap.

There is nothing wrong with not socializing, however I find that it is more advantageous to socialize rather than to avoid it. When you socialize you exchange knowledge and information which can help you mature and make better decisions. For example, a basic form of socializing would be asking a teacher the answer to a question. If you do not know the answer to a question and keep quiet like a mouse, you will never know the answer and remain ignorant. Although it may be frightening and out of our comfort zones for some of us, forcing ourselves to experience these situations can lead to benefits some of us are not yet aware of.

Socializing is also a form of give and take. Although we with Aspergers, autism or some other sort of mental abnormality may dislike talking to others, we have a duty to communicate with others who find it a little more enjoyable. It is more difficult for us yet we cannot be too selfish and "give up". I believe it is a little hard for everyone to socialize, even normal people like your friends and family. In philosophy we learned of a phenomenon called "Kantianism" in which we ask "what would happen to society if everyone did it?" Well I can tell you if all of society did not speak a word to one another our society would cease to exist. Which is a bad thing! Also it is a good thing to reward others once in a while. Think of all the times they helped you. Now socializing doesn't mean squat to me or you, however somehow it does to them for some reason. We have to be more altruistic and just say the basic "hi" and ask them about their day once in a while. Just because we can avoid emotional attachments, it doesn't always mean we should and it is more beneficial to us when they are happy through our interaction.

You do not have to give up your embrace for loneliness and stop being an introvert to appease your friends and parents. Just do what I do and pretend to socialize with others. Study methods of socializing via Google and obtain stereotypical socializing skills (smiling, charisma, listening carefully to others/feedback). All your friends and parents want is for you to obtain useful socializing skills which will help you in your career. The hard truth is you will need some basic socializing skills to succeed in the job market. Life is not fair and more sociable people statistically have better careers, more wealth and are overall more happy than less sociable people. Therefore, we must practice these skills now and become responsible adults capable of having good careers to provide for our future descendants. You will survive, but not living the way your friends and parents do, just acting how they do.

Utter hogwash. Could it improve quality of life? Absolutely. Is survival dependent on it? No.

I think that was a response to OPs fear of dying if he connects with people, and that he can just fake it while still preserving his integrity. But I could be wrong.
Also: WHOA.

I'm not an advocate of faking anything, and I don't feel that people who are "outliers" in society should need to feel responsible for society in it's entirety. I also don't equate basic interactions(which I am assuming the OP handles fine by his post) with forming deeper social relationships such as his finding friends, or a gf.

It's just a matter of time before that desolace starts to take its toll though, I don't believe most people that are alone do it without losing a tremendous emotional compoenent of their being, franky, I don't think it's worth it...

Most of the time I'm alone, and most of the time I'm also content, but every odd day or so it would all fall part, and I'd question why I was in the circumstance I was in, and I'd be in a heap in seconds as I would try to fantasize of brighter days with friends, and I'd keep asking the question... why?

I just think people are wrong when they romanticize the hermit lifestyle and 'being on your own' without anyone to care for, it's possible to survive there, sure. But it WILL take its toll on you, and it WILL bring you to a darkness of the likes you've never seen before... There is nothing easy or glorious about it, it's just as hard as if you'd try to force yourself to socialize. Don't even try to claim you have more than enough endurance, because you're a human first. Sure it's easy to face such things when you have the strength, but even that eventually fails.

If prison can turn straight people gay, being destitute is going to eventually warp you, it just isn't worth it.

No, I agree. If we're going to talk about being responsible for society it's the most privileged of us that have some work(/explaining) to do.

I have to admit that I thought I was reading a troll when I read your second post ITT.

Let's break it down:
1. You ask for advice on a question on WrongPlanet, where there's one of the highest levels of social exclusion on the internet.
2. When you recieve agreement with your OP, you call posters who took time to respond to you "enablers".
3. You then go on to indicate that you're an outcast from the outcasts (presumably WP/Aspies), which is a rather over the top response at best.

What I would recommend you would do in this circumstance is to say "Thank you for the feedback, is there anyone who can take the other position? I'm not sure I'm hearing every side of this issue.". It gets what you want to say accross.