I've lost hope and I have nowhere else to turn.

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My life is simply depressing. I've tried making friends, I really have. While stepping out of my comfort zone did help for a few months, the group of friends I sort of joined always seems to be either a. Annoyed by my presence, B. invite me to do one stupid thing with them (like playing hide and seek at the park), then ditch me when they actually want to hang out, bike together, and overall have a good time, C. Make jokes about ditching me. This group is honestly the closest people i have to friends, considering other people only say the occasional hi to me. I know I should find new friends, but how? The above friendship basically started because we were partnered for a project, but we were running out of time near the end so we had to work after school on it, and we sort of messed around afterwards. I came THIS close to even that friendship blowing apart last night because I pushed something way too far, a matter i really don't feel comfortable discussing the details of though. I've basically lost hope with my social life, and I've come here for advice. When I do hang out with people in a group, I'm always the first person who has to leave, because even during the summer, my parents want me home by 9, because they think its unsafe for me to be outside later than that.

Try meeting with people on Meetup.com . I found a few acquaintances that way. You meet with a group who has common interests, i.e. throwing frisbee or making miniature helicopters or whatever. It's a nice "educated" way to find potential friends.

From the sound of it, those friendships don't sound promising, Agly. With friends like that, who needs enemies? When you meet someone who you connect with, you will be sure of it. They will be as nice to you as you are to them.

It makes me sad to hear about your situation - i can imagine how this whole thing makes you feel, not only because being close to someone - aka having good friends/feeling a sense of belonging in a group is a basic human need, but because I've been where you are now when i was younger.

Let me tell it to you like this: Those so called "friends" you described aren't treating you as a friend are supposed to be treated - With respect, consideration, equality and similar inclusion to the rest of the group. I think you should start out with meeting with these people, and tell them how they make you feel. (Point is: you express how they made/make you feel - but beware: don't sound angry nor sad - that just gives them the pleasure they crave for - talk normally but with a confident tone of voice. AND make sure your end sentence before leaving them, underlines the fact that you don't need them, and you sure as hell won't miss them.

If you take the above advice, and then finally have gotten loose from your ties to those inconsiderate people, it's time for you to try find new, better friends. I know this part can be kind of complicated and frustrating to achieve, especially in the beginning, but if you just hang on, and have faith in yourself i'm sure you'll make it. To find really good friends, you should look for people with similar interest to those you have. You can find people of these standards, by for example searching up different activity centers (I don't know how this works were you live, but in my hometown we have various activity centers available around in town - cultural, musical, band-instrument'ish, sports, arts, or even combinations of all. They even have activity centers for people who struggle with reaching out for friends alone, and there they can meet people with the same problems, which makes it easier for people there to befriend each other. they even have centers for people with aspergers/autism or other disorders - makes everyone less prone to prejudge each other, and easier to just focus on getting to know one another for who they are.)

If you don't find any activity centers, search out people who like the same things as you at school. And if you find it difficult to know how to start out the conversation just make it simple, like: "Hey, i'm _ _ _ _ _ can i join you?". Most likely they'll say yes. You sit down with them. Observe what they are doing/reading/talking about or whatever - and show interest in it "Oh that looks/sounds interesting/cool, What's it about?" - Listen to what they are talking about and stick to that topic - just don't lie about what you know and don't know. If you haven't seen or heard everything they mention - again, express interest in learning something about that - does that movie, music or whatever sound familiar to something you like mention it "oh cool, reminds me a little bit about _ _ _ _, do you like them/that?". Hopefully you'll soon find someone who sees your good sites/qualities, plus cherish and respect you.

The best of luck to you

Last edited by ChromaticRaven on 06 Jun 2013, 6:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

To make new friends volunteer, be more active socially in an environment that you are comfortable with. I volunteer with animals, so I meet a lot of people who are like-minded. I am socially awkward, struggle to strike up and keep conversations going. And half the things people talk about (small-talk) is like talking about 'football to me' (i.e. I don't understand anything they're saying, so I nod and smile a lot). As a result people don't find conversations with me enjoyable, and I often watch them stand in silence beside me, and then run off to have a conversation as soon as someone else walks through the door. And I'm learning to be OK with that, as uncomfortable as it feels. I will never know what to say or the 'right' thing to say, but that doesn't mean I'm not good at other things, and have nothing to offer. That's just not what I'm good at.

So what kind of friend do you want? Someone to share a cup of tea with you? Someone to go skating with you? Someone to share things with you? Do you want a "TV friendship", the kind we only dream about. What are you seeking from a friendship? Ever thought of meetup.com or craigslist? I've reached out to online sites searching for people to hang out with. Making friends however still isn't my specialty, and though I have built a rapport of trust with the people around me, I still don't know/understand who is my friend and who isn't, but I do understand I have more people who care about me now than I did even just 2 years ago. I am also starting to ask myself more of what I want, and why I want it, if I need it, and if I can be OK with what my reality is right now...without the 'dreamy friendship', I often daydream about, but can never quite manage.

Right now I am trying to practice positive solitude. Making friends doesn't come easily to me. I've asked questions as to why I seek connections, on a biological level, why do I need other people to validate me, to share things with? I've found answers that worked for me, understanding my personal reasons for why. Then I've asked what do I need to work on, on an individual level, and why? And then I asked how important is it that I make friends, and is making friends so important that I would devalue my self-respect and dignity? And can I be ok/learn to enjoy my own company and companionship?

Because that is what I do for myself I can only suggest that you try asking yourself similar questions.