Group trying to drive me off

Post Reply New Topic

This group I have joined in Real Life seems to be trying to make me leave. One person tries to mock everything I do, no matter how normal--things I notice are perfectly acceptable from others. They act like things I say are veiled insults directed at them when I never do that. If I had wanted I could have put one person in her place when she spouted "facts" that were wrong, but I was trying to be pleasant. This same person was trying to evoke a reaction from me at these times; it was laughable.

I don't feel crushed that they don't accept me; it is their loss, but at the same time I find them for the most part likeable and interesting and am disheartened that my lack of social skills won't allow me to fit in.

This happens to NTs a lot, too. Some groups just form cliques and they don't *want* anyone new in them.

Other times there is a sort of initiation process, in some groups, where they test to see how much the person will take. I guess that sounds more like a college fraternity or sorority, though, so it might not be true of your group.

Sadly, there is no good way to know if a group is cliquish like that before joining. A lot can be found, at times, based on who the leaders are - official and unofficial. If the leader seems friendly then they have likely fostered an attitude of openness and tried to prevent cliques. But, that doesn't always happen, and sometimes when they try they are ineffective because they are too new or they just don't have the skills developed to be a leader. And, that, too, is something hard to know till you join a group.

Thankfully, not all real life groups are like that.

This group was recommended to me by my therapist, who met them and thought they were open enough to accept new people. Many of the people in the group are very nice, including one of the leaders. However, I don't think they know how to deal with me; I have both social anxiety and Aspergers, and sometimes I get too animated and say way too much, and some of the people just don't want to get me to start talking. I feel sad because of that, but I understand. I don't think I really connect with anyone there, except maybe one or two, but they don't show up often.

I keep feeling it's happening because of something I've done, and maybe it is. Some of the things I've done I couldn't have helped; this group is supposed to be a social learning experience for me and I can't help having made most of my mistakes. However, this comes on the back of a lifetime of being bullied and shunned for reasons beyond my understanding, and when I'm feeling bad physically the old thought patterns come back and I feel really bad because I can't seem to make a network of friends. I have some very good close friends, but networking is what is necessary for socioeconomic success.

It sucks that being successful includes so much superficial networking, other wise I would opt out of the social order.

Try not to be to hard on yourself, it was just an experiment right? Anything new takes takes practise. That being said, knowing all that doesn't always take the sting out of rejection.

I have a girl with that I work with and if she says she doesn't like someone they automatically follow suite. I don't say anything to her, but I don't let her dictate who I like. Which by the way could have started over any superficial thing, racism, sexism, singlism, ageism. You might have not done anything "WRONG." I hope you keep practising.

Just move on and don't take it personally.

You are doing a great job in trying to overcome your issues. Give yourself some credit where it's due. Breaking habits like these are some of the hardest things to do in life IMO.

Maybe ask your therapist about strategies for when your negative thought patterns come back. Mine told me that it was best to go do something when this happens, such as take a walk, or just change things up to take my mind off my thoughts.

It's not worth hanging around the wrong people just for the sake of having some friends IMO. If they are nasty you are better off without them.