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Liane
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28 May 2013, 6:21 pm

Anyone else find nts don't allow for our delay in processing emotions?



auntblabby
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28 May 2013, 7:12 pm

there are a few who are cognizant of such things.



Jainz
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29 May 2013, 5:28 am

Liane wrote:
Anyone else find nts don't allow for our delay in processing emotions?


All the time... I get a lot of "you're so quiet, you show no expression", etc. Most people don't appreciate that, and will get impatient and talk over me. I've noticed the only people who don't are other Aspies and people who understand that I'm not wired to have a quick-fire conversation.

Some people who have known me for years still don't get it... and they wonder why I find it hard to talk to them. I just feel like it's a waste of energy to start talking if they're just going to interrupt, and if I do get my speech going, half my attention is devoted to wondering when they're going to cut me off. >_>

I think I diverged from the point a bit here, sorry!

NTs do seem to get upset with me when I'm calm and everyone else is freaking out. They think I don't care. I do. I just don't make a show of it.



Apple_in_my_Eye
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29 May 2013, 6:10 am

Don't allow for delays in emotions, words, meaning, etc., etc.



Liane
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29 May 2013, 11:33 am

Yeh - I find I have to talk quickly as nts talk over me all the time. Half the time I'm busy trying to work out when it is my turn to speak and this is really tricky. Anyone got any tips?



SoulSurvivor
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29 May 2013, 11:56 am

I take in too much information, so I have a hard time processing what is the crux of the matter. I feel like most people are liars, i get hung up on idea that they are hiding something- what they are saying is not representative of what they are thinking. I than lose focus on what they are saying and they usually become bothered by the fact I am not following what they are saying, but I am rather trying to figure them out.

Most people do not want you to know what is really going on with them. I feel people operating at very low, base vibrations, so I tend to avoid them nowadays. What people say and what they are thinking are totally different and I have a hard time resolving that.



AgentPalpatine
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29 May 2013, 4:36 pm

There appears to be a verbal communication processing difference between Aspies and non-Aspies. There is at least one paper I read that indicates differences, but I'm not aware of any published works that are directly on point with the subject.

To make things worse, for all but the simplest forms of communication, it is difficult to remove social status considerations from social communication.


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auntblabby
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29 May 2013, 4:45 pm

Liane wrote:
Yeh - I find I have to talk quickly as nts talk over me all the time. Half the time I'm busy trying to work out when it is my turn to speak and this is really tricky. Anyone got any tips?

look upon it as similar to dealing with a 4-way traffic stop, you have to focus on the timing AND the context.



managertina
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29 May 2013, 7:51 pm

Just this past year, I learned how to say to two people who are talking about a subject that is important, or when I need to give some vital information to one of the two talkers. "may I interrupt for a moment? I have something to" add ... discuss... whatever you have to talk about when interrupting.



Forkliftoperator
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31 May 2013, 12:16 am

Had lunch this week with my boss, the parts director from Calgary, and some reps from the States. They were all talking and I didn't get much in since I didn't catch any cues as to when one was done talking. By the time I processed what was said and wanted to say my bit, someone else would jump in. I am not that great when it comes to these types of social situations. Luckily, our parts director only thinks I am quiet and shy since I didn't commit any major social faux passes. I did put a lot of effort into eye contact and such but I think he might think my eye contact is strange.



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31 May 2013, 12:43 am

My processing delay is in seeing and processing visual information.



BigSnoopy126
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31 May 2013, 6:57 am

Forkliftoperator, I hope you don't mind some words of encouragement, what happened in that meeting can be a blessing at times; I have become known as someone like you, but if I do say something it's usually important and listened to. I once read of a justice who would do that on the U.S. Supreme Court - rarely asked any questions during arguemnts but was always dissecting thigns. I don't know if he had any Aspie traits but there is a benefit to people like that.

Perhaps if you have one major thing you can input you can mention it later and if your superior asks why you didn't say something you can add, "I just couldn't tell whent he right time was." That's vague enough that it can just mean you're an NT, like that judge may have been, who spent most of his time mulling things over. If you make sure it's a good enough point you'll earn respect.

But, yes, I have often wondered why people seem to talk over me, although with me I think it's my tone of voice not being enough to intimate that I'm wanting listened to; I'm probably a little too timid but it's hard to know how to do it, especially with a hearing problem, too.

Perhaps that's why I've always loved working with kids. They seem to accept differences in people a little more than adults. Maybe, too, it's because they like attention and don't mind if they know they have to wait a few seconds longer for me to say something. Of course, my delay in processing isn't that big. But, I think in general once people reach a certain stage, a lot of them do have trouble understanding such processing delays and thinking everyone should be able to go really fast on that stuff. I see a lot more acceptance in my church than I do in the outside world; and it might be different if we didn't have over 1,000 people,including an Exceptional Class for people with a lot more challenges than I have. I'd pass as an NT in a lot of places, I'm borderline enough. (And could be PDD-NOS if it was said to not be a hindrance to daily life.)



Forkliftoperator
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01 Jun 2013, 9:08 pm

BigSnoopy126 wrote:
Forkliftoperator, I hope you don't mind some words of encouragement, what happened in that meeting can be a blessing at times; I have become known as someone like you, but if I do say something it's usually important and listened to. I once read of a justice who would do that on the U.S. Supreme Court - rarely asked any questions during arguemnts but was always dissecting thigns. I don't know if he had any Aspie traits but there is a benefit to people like that.

Perhaps if you have one major thing you can input you can mention it later and if your superior asks why you didn't say something you can add, "I just couldn't tell whent he right time was." That's vague enough that it can just mean you're an NT, like that judge may have been, who spent most of his time mulling things over. If you make sure it's a good enough point you'll earn respect.

But, yes, I have often wondered why people seem to talk over me, although with me I think it's my tone of voice not being enough to intimate that I'm wanting listened to; I'm probably a little too timid but it's hard to know how to do it, especially with a hearing problem, too.

Perhaps that's why I've always loved working with kids. They seem to accept differences in people a little more than adults. Maybe, too, it's because they like attention and don't mind if they know they have to wait a few seconds longer for me to say something. Of course, my delay in processing isn't that big. But, I think in general once people reach a certain stage, a lot of them do have trouble understanding such processing delays and thinking everyone should be able to go really fast on that stuff. I see a lot more acceptance in my church than I do in the outside world; and it might be different if we didn't have over 1,000 people,including an Exceptional Class for people with a lot more challenges than I have. I'd pass as an NT in a lot of places, I'm borderline enough. (And could be PDD-NOS if it was said to not be a hindrance to daily life.)


It's the same with me. Most of the time I just pass as someone with a strange personality. They do listen when it is on the job and work related. Most of the talk during that lunch was small talk.



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04 Jun 2013, 1:43 am

managertina wrote:
My processing delay is in seeing and processing visual information.



Same for my boys - has improved with Irlens lenses - and they are about to start tuition for help with the processing issue. I think the David program fro Dyslexia helps with the visual processing issues - but google to check. Irlens lenses make SUCH a difference.

Just an FYI incase you weren;t aware.

Best wishes.



managertina
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04 Jun 2013, 10:34 pm

That is good to know. I have heard about them a little bit. Is it just a subtle change in colour, like pastel? Is there a good website to see what they are like?

In my last job, I am just not sure if it was stress or what, but I had to do up coloured spreadsheets and I kept making mistakes, like putting colour blocks in the wrong places, and I felt so so badly all the time. I also have pick it up and put it down syndrome, and I am the worst person to send into the cellar to find an item, because I can never remember where any item is. I also suffer from pick-it-up-and-put-it-down-absentmindedly-itis.

I also have problems with reading maps, remembering what buildings look like, finding a way to organize things, doing visual layouts, hand eye coordination, a little depth perception, and getting lost. Pulsing lights do not tend to bother me as much, but laptops do. Organization is a huge issue, and an ongoing battle. Currently, I am losing this battle, but that prognosis should change by the weekend.

Does this sound familiar to anyone?



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04 Jun 2013, 10:40 pm

I am sorry, as my last posts were really not too much on topic on this thread. My processing issues were more front and centre.

Forkliftoperator, I can associate. This evening, I was attending a planning meeting, and all of my activities sounded rinkydink compared with everyone else's, and because many of them at the meeting know each other socially, like from Optimist's club, they had conversations and such. But I knew not what to talk about, so I just kept quiet. It is hard.

Just keep going to those types of things like you do so that you can keep being one of the group, even if just one of the more quiet ones.