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icyfire4w5
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30 Jun 2013, 1:34 am

Note: Anon is someone who is much older than me.

Me: Why do I always end up offending people?
Anon: These people are offended because they aren't your friends. People tend to give their friends more leeway. For example, if a stranger directs a remark at me, I might interpret it as an insult, but if a friend directs the same remark at me, I might interpret it as a joke instead. You should start making friends.
Me: How should I start making friends?
Anon: Stop offending people!

Have any of you managed to break out of such a vicious cycle? Thanks in advance. (Your thoughts, please?)



zer0netgain
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30 Jun 2013, 7:23 am

I offer no help.

I've pretty much resigned myself to just trying to be nice to people and if that's not enough, they can go bugger off.



justkillingtime
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30 Jun 2013, 11:42 am

a few minutes before i came to this post, i was standing in the kitchen thinking "i am always offending people". there was a misunderstanding this morning.

i don't know the answer.


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Summer_Twilight
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30 Jun 2013, 12:08 pm

Anon could be a little more specific that that about how you offend others who are not your friend. You might want to ask him for some examples and then practice working on not being offensive.

Anyway: A lot of the time, most strangers don't like to be engaged in small talk. I found that out when it comes to going to movies. (I am talking about before and after a show)



CarpeDiem
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30 Jun 2013, 2:15 pm

It would help to have examples of what you have said that has offended people. Generally people don't like to be criticised and told things that although true could cause embarrassment or offense, such as commenting on someones weight, how they look, or challenging what they have said, especially if it could constitute a personal belief of theirs, like telling people they are stupid to believe in God, for example.

People like those who they see as 'like them' and 'think the same way they do', as in they share the same beliefs, interests and views. It is also true that you should speak differently to someone who is a stranger then you would to a friend. Generally you are allowed to be more honest and frank with a friend as they will know that you have the best of intentions in mind and that what you say you say as a good friend who feels they should know the truth.

I'm certainly no expert as I find myself in arguments all the time and a lot of the time I have no idea how they started or what I said that was wrong. But overall the best way to combat it is to always be nice to people and surround yourself by people who are nice also. And always make sure you are listening more than you are talking. A big aspie trait can be to go on and on about a subject of interest, which is a bad idea. However if you listen to others, even if they are going on and on themselves and show a genuine interest, you will find they take away a better opinion of you than your words could have ever given them.