I have too much eye contact now?

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So I've been working with BRS/DOL for job stuff. Today we did some social skill type training stuff. A lady pointed out my eye contact is now "staring." Apparently I'm supposed to look at them and look away. Which is what I used to do. Then people accused me of having bad eye contact. Now I have too much and am staring.

fuuuuu, can't win.

EDIT:
Also, to make up for my flat affect I apparently use a lot of hand gestures and am smiling all the time. I did not realize this. I still have a flat monotone voice that's also very deep.

for some of us, being a hermit is the better option.

I used to avoid eye contact so once I learned I needed to look in the eyes I did what you do as well. I am not sure how to know when to look away, I cannot find a guide or tutorial on that. It doesn't matter too much though. Strong eye contract will make you preceived as confident or seductive. You just can't have awkward (creepy) body language while doing it.

Probably am awkward and/or creepy.

Oh well.

Then learn. I uploaded a great ebook for you. Body Language by Allan Pease (Free .PDF)
We all have amazing memories and high IQs yet you f*****s won't want to read and learn s**t such as PUA or social dynamics which could vastly improve your life.

I have a good memory, but rather average IQ. As far as PUA, it's like if you have to do a school report on race relations and use Stormfront as your primary source. But will probably skim through that book either way. EDIT: book is not PUA.

Actually I think personally the raised eye contact is from working out or supplements. It seems to have affected the entire visual spatial portion of my brain, now for example I can hit 5 out of 6 numbers going 1,2,3 on a dart board.

Heh, what you've described is typically Aspie (either there's no eye contact or constant eye contact - it's in the literature!). I would say there's nothing wrong with that and the body language thing, too. I come off as monotone in my interviews, but I still come off as confident, likely as a result of practice. In the past, when I had several interviews in a row, I would go online, find common interview questions, come up with answers to every one of them, and then rehearse. As a result, I've provided a lot of relevant information in the interviews, was calm, and sounded assertive. Saying positive things about yourself and coming off as confident is key, and I was able to come off this way even despite my Aspie-ish body language - I think this is the result of my vocal intonation and the things I said more than anything else. Also, you do have to actually feel confident about the job in order to be able to do this!

So as long as you have intelligent things to say, look somewhere in the periphery of the interviewer's face, and can just smile and look at the person with the first and last handshakes, you should be fine.

You seem very intelligent from your posts on WP!

Last edited by MathGirl on 30 Jun 2013, 1:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I've noticed it's not the way you look at people, but how you're feeling when you look at people, I notice feeling anxious inside can actually be seen by other people, when you're uncomfortable around people, you give a more intense and focused look, which might scare them off or give you the "arrogant" label to them...

I dunno, just guessing, I could be completely wrong at this though, but I notice when I'm more comfortable in public, people seem to act differently towards me, their eyes are less focused on me or at least that's what I feel.

Ah...the joys of AS.

Not enough eye contact, so you compensate....now you're staring.

You stop staring...now there's not enough eye contact.