NT social skills amaze me

Post Reply New Topic

They have conversations so easily.

Whenever I talk to one, I am amazed how quickly they come up with appropriate and witty comments. It is like they have a script that I do not.

Yeah. I really wish I knew how to do that. That's my number one problem with people: They say something and I know I'm supposed to reply but I can't come up with anything. I just don't have anything to say. It's like squeezing a rock for water.

Likewise, I don't understand the point of debating. I can give my 2 cents on a topic but if anyone replies to that, I usually can't come up with good responses (to go on with my point) because I've already said what I think about it and have nothing more to add.

OMG, THEY DON'T! They pretend that what they and others say is "currently" appropriate. ANYTHING can be interpreted several ways, so it can look like it was appropriate. But when it doesn't fit instead of pretending it does, we try to figure what went wrong, whether we said it wrong or we understood it wrong.
Part of the reason it's so easy for them is because it contains so little meaning, value, importance. They can easily sluff off doing it wrong because they (almost) instinctively mentally blame the other person if things go wrong, but wont psychically accept the blame.
YOU accept the 'blame' because you see the world rationally (thinking they're right) and try harder to synchronize with everybody else.

You must realize how messy NT's communication is! It's very sloppy (like spaghetti night served by a blind epileptic) [no offense intended] and not ANYTHING that misses the plate is important, UNLESS someone reacts to it, then the speaker will basically go "I meant to do that!" Just like PeeWee Herman falling off his bicycle.

Conversations among NTs are basically just mutual noise making, to demonstrate they're not a threat to each other (and therefore don't need to be instantly attacked) and to produce a bit of bonding if their noises work out similarly.

We are over thinking conversations just like we over think everything else.

And to prove it, just start looking at all the place holders they use: "oh really?" "you know" "yeah!" "it's totally weird" "right?!" and etceteras. Or the pointless drivel which is them just regurgitating some piece of their life or experiences that is similar to what the other person just regurgitated.


-----
(Don't argue with me, try to understand my point if i didn't make it well enough. I'm typing fast cuz Starbucks is closing...)

I do completely understand this. I notice it sometimes as well.

Sometimes they say things that are completely out of context and do not make sense.

These are some good points.

Me too; it's like magic.

There's a thread in the archives here called something like "I think NT socializing is beautiful" and the OP talks about how NT interactions are rhythmic and harmonic and compares watching their interactions to listening to a symphony. I think there's something to this, there is a sort of social rhythm to interactions. Temple Grandin talks about this and how she has crappy social rhythm and is off timing ect. I definitely feel this way too, like my timing is just off and the others (NTs) have such perfect timing and synchronicity. This is most apparent to me when my NT friend and her other friends engage in banter. I freaking HATE banter. It's all about timing and picking up on what parts are sarcastic and joking and what parts are serious and responding appropriately. Also, nonverbal language has to be in harmony with the verbal. I hardly ever go out with my friend's other friends because their interactions consist of maybe 70-80% banter and I end up looking like an idiot when I'm with them because I can't do it properly.

There are two parts to communicating.

Knowing what to say, and having that rhythm.

I always had the first part, just not the second.

Yes I can understand what you mean about social communication seems like a good rhythm. For me I sometimes feel more at ease communicating with someone who I consider a very good and trusted friend, and maybe I would be more in rhythm then and not sure. I do know when I do not feel at ease talking to one or more persons I feel very out of rhythm regarding communication.

Also if I talk to someone I enjoy talking to on the phone I sometimes enjoy it more than talking in person. Maybe talking on the phone requires little eye contact and nonverbal communication so it is better than "in person".

Now with smart phones, etc. it is possible to see the person you call and I do not really care for this feature. It would not be fun if someone called and I had to dress up and look just so to talk to them.

Yes I do remember the post about NT socialization being "beautiful". I do find times here and there where I am able to follow the social rhythm, other times I just dont follow the social rhythm, and other times I just stay quiet. I suck at banter for the most part, but my offness with banter has become a part of my personality that other people see. I do get afraid of breaking a peoples rhythm so I stay quiet a lot.

This is one of the traits that are different for AS and NLD. NLD always have something to say. Much of it inappropriate, alas. But in my case (NLD), I've always been considered the witty one with the funny thing to interject spontaneously, and it's been an advantage.

http://whyifailedinamerica.wordpress.co ... erstand-x/

You are so correct my friend. Please read what I wrote.

To me, with some exception, the VAST majority of of NT conversation is just egotistical BS. See, I actually think about what I say before I say it, and I prefer talking about "big picture" issues (how increasingly messed up our country is getting, the insanity of religion, what this planet will be like 50 years from now, etc.). Most NT's don't like having to think. I can talk about movies, videogames, music, things like that, but honestly, having to deal with most NT's in anything other than doses gets pretty mind-numbing. I prefer being quiet and thoughtful to blathering on about inane drivel.

Yea, it amazes me on how neurotypicals are able to say certain things in conversations. They talk well in their conversations. However, it seems to me they are talking about something that was hardly related to what they were saying in the first place. I do not know how they can keep the conversation going like that. My mind was still thinking of the details of what they first said, let alone coming up with and saying something that is hardly related and keeping the conversation going. I tend to think of the details of what people say, and end up not saying much because I do not want to go on and on about one thing.

Sometimes the person with the most to say is the one who says nothing at all. Also, saying nothing sometimes says the most at all? I think about these when I'm about to go into a conversation with my typical fool. There are some who know I'm bad at conversation and just deal with it.

Eg. I have a friend whom I play video games with every night. We communicate via VoIP. After talking for awhile he will drone on and I will tell him I wasn't listening and he'll either have to repeat it or forget it. He usually forgets it unless it's pertinent to the game.

My fiancee doesn't take as kindly to it though...She get's offended and yells at me when I tell her to repeat herself. I think that's a female thing though. Women always seem to find something wrong with what I'm doing...

You really opened up something that I was totally unaware of!! I have been struggling with nt's talking incomprehensible gibberish but now I can try to live with it. It still does my head in tho.

I think the same thing.

The speed at which they go through conversation and make elaborate replies to questions on the spot just amazes me. Wow. It can make me feel really stupid for it sometimes takes me days, or even weeks when thinking back on a conversation to come up with something just as elaborate.

When I am talking to someone, not only do I have to think about what to say, but I am also remembering what facial expression I am doing, what my tone of voice is, where my hands are, and dealing with my social anxiety.... its a lot to manage in my head. Gives me a headache sometimes.

Thank goodness for message boards, texting, emails, etc.