You'll make friends far more easily when you do this!

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I'd like to share something that I think will really help many people here. Like many people here, I used to really struggle to make friends. However in recent times I have managed to make some friends very quickly. The key to this, is that when you can identify and meet someone's needs or wants, there'll be your friend in no time!

For instance, only last month, I met a lady through an ad on a musicians website. This lady wanted a guitarist for her album she's recording. As a reasonably skilled guitarist, I responded to the ad. After I went round her house, and was able to play through the songs she wrote (that had apparently been left 'on the shelf' for 10 years) she was really excited, as she had been looking for a suitable guitarist for about a year but had been getting no-where.

Then the following week she came round to mine, as I had managed to write some intros to her tunes. Again, she became more excited, apparently telling all her friends about this great guitarist she met etc.... We've now done one open mike and I've met some of her bandmates.

The point being when you know what things you are valued in and respected in, and play to those strengths, and find people who need what you can offer them, you make friends way more quickly than by just chatting. Think about it, we all want friends who will in some way 'add value' to our lives - add value to someone else's life and you've got a friend.

You may not be a guitarist, but there's probably other things and skills and values you have that others would appreciate. So seek out the people that really want the things you can offer to them, and your social life will blossom.

Really hope that's an encouragement to people struggling here

That's a good point! Of course the caution here is not to do as I've done in the past and become someone's "unpaid servant" in those regards, but meeting someone like that is a good way to start a friendship.

I'm very happy for you, in that you've made a good friend, but i have to say when you're like me it's very hard to make friends even by adding value to peoples lives. for me it gets to the point where we share some interests and commonalities, and then it just ends without a warning or a reason. i'm usually a people pleaser and i'm terrified of rejection so i try to be as nice as possible, but that usually just ends in me being ignored after a while. so i can see your point, but for me it never gets to that point where i can give someone something they need in life. it's happened to me so many in times already, and i'm pretty tired of it. it really started in childhood to be honest, and continued all the way into university and even on the web. it's pretty amazing how many times it has happened. so i would like to take on board your advice but i think i can safely say i'm not gonna ever dabble in wanting "friends" again.

but as i say i'm glad for you, maybe i'm just not that type that gets given a chance for some reason. maybe people see through me and can see i have nothing to really offer?, i don't know. sorry for adding cynicism to i know what was meant to be a positive thread, but i hope others out there can take heed from your advice.

I think this is sound advice. My son struggles with making friends but in the summer of going into grade 7 (last year) he became brave enough to ask kids over to our house. What "saved" him was his electronic toys - Nintendo DS, Wii and iPad. Luckily, he doesn't over-use his electronic toys but plays enough to have a pretty good handle on the games. Lots of kids his age love videogames so the "play-dates" were successful. Of course, after a while, play-dates became routine and predictable and they lost interest.

I find this quite true. I get along with people fairly well when I'm helping them with stuff. i.e. if I know what they want I dont feel so self-conscious because i have value in the friendship / as part of the group.

however as girly_aspie said, it does leave you open to becoming an unpaid servant. often i dont even mind this as i'm doing the same to them. i.e. i just need some company occasionally even if i'm not directly interacting with someone. its nice to feel wanted even if it is for use of a skill / interest.
Maz

For me it used to be paintball, got on a very well known team with less than a year's experience. Overtime this team started treating me like crisp so I left. Playing a sport, hobbies, having a talent are the kinds of things that help you meet new people.

Very nice tip, and I'm glad it has done you good too. You are cool.

I am a good keyboard-player. Can only play tunes with one hand, but can control the background rhythms with the other hand and can make good songs up what last about 2-4 minutes like real songs are. So if I get bored with how a song in the charts or off CDs goes, I kind of teach myself how to play those songs on the keyboard then make up my own version of them. For example, the song ''Cooler than me'' by Mike Posner (I think, excuse my lack of knowledge of singers) is OK but I love the ending where it's just that bit of music at the end, and I think it should go through the whole song instead of just a few seconds at the end. So now I'm going to learn myself to play that on my keyboard and make up my own version of that song where I can have that bit of music throughout the whole song.

It would be nice if I could meet someone else to share this interest with. Music and playing the keyboard is not a special interest of mine, it's just a casual interest and is one of the only things I am quite good at, so it would be nice to be able to meet somebody else who can also make good music from a keyboard. Who knows, we could make money from it. I don't think I would be able to do all that on my own, I need one or a few other people to be able to achieve things like that with. I don't really have much confidence.

Identifying others' wants/needs is called "empathy" and it's precisely what we lack. I totally agree it's the way to make (and keep) friends, but only if coupled with an intuitive knowledge of how not to become a disposable servant. Another of the intuitive things we lack.

In other words, short of answering an ad (which requires no intuition because they're saying openly what they want), if you're able to identify what another wants/needs, then by definition you're not autistic.

People's wants/needs fall in the realm of the unspoken more often than not, and require intuition (the ability to read between the lines) to be detected.

For me, what you're saying is: "You know a good way to have friends as an Aspie? To not be Aspie!"