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TinyDancer
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15 Jul 2013, 6:16 pm

My friend keeps making offhand remarks that sound like she thinks I'm some kind of psychopath. For example, in a discussion about what it would be like to be a security guard she said, "Wouldn't want to give YOU a gun!" or after mentioning a new friend, "That guy better lock his doors at night." Like she thinks its funny or appealing to my desire for a little more power/control/respect.
I've never threatened anyone and generally come across as quiet and careful, although I do joke around a lot and I don't follow any organized religion. I think I have more reasons to be afraid of her than she does of me, considering the extent to which she's engaged in stalker-ish activities (a good 100x the amount that I have of her (I drove by her house ONCE and google searched her name less than a dozen times)). I understand she has no ill-intentions, and I'd never accuse her of any since she's a genuine friend who I don't want to hurt, but that doesn't change certain facts.

I have boundaries too, and I think I deserve a little more respect than I've been given sometimes.

I intend to just ignore this kind of thing until she figures out it makes her look like a dumbass, but if anyone thinks otherwise, I'd like to know.



former_hermit
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15 Jul 2013, 6:21 pm

I don't think she'll come to that realization through you ignoring her. I think you'd have to tell her how you feel about it for her to know.



Thelibrarian
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15 Jul 2013, 6:35 pm

She doesn't sound like much of a friend to me, and I wouldn't put up with anybody saying such things to me. But, of course, you make your own decisions.



starkid
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15 Jul 2013, 6:39 pm

Wait...what do you mean you googled her name "less than a dozen times"? A typical number of times to google someone would be once or twice, so a dozen seems like a huge, yet bizarrely random number for you to pick to explain how little you stalked her.

Also, the fact that both of you have done stalkerish things is kind of suggesting that your friendship might be an abnormal relationship way beyond what is explicitly said in this post, so it's difficult to judge your friend's actions.



Last edited by starkid on 15 Jul 2013, 7:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

wildcoyotedancer
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15 Jul 2013, 8:39 pm

Is your friend also on the spectrum? You are going to have to be direct and clear with her if she is. I know we often ignore people who overwhelm us or who we feel overwhelming emotions towards/from (positive and/or negative) but the thing is it's non verbal communication which most of us on the spectrum don't read and/or find confusing so if they are on the spectrum better just tell her to stop this and that it hugs you and if you decide to not be friends that as well. Also it does sound as if you are both a bit obsessive about each other from your google comment.


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MjrMajorMajor
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16 Jul 2013, 12:13 am

I'd confront them, personally. Nothing raises my hackles more than dismissive comments such as that. I'd be asking for an explanation, and they would better have an explanation or apology at the ready.