Can I learn to like touch?

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Touch is viewed almost universally as a bonding mechanism between individuals. In most cases, I cannot stand being touched, and as a result, yet another layer of difficulty forming connections with others is created.

The thing is, I know why I don't like being touched: I view the vast majority of intimacy, emotional or physical (but primarily the latter), as being romantic and/or sexual in nature. It appears I cannot rid myself of these associations, as much as I try to drill it into my own head that no, my sister is not coming on to me when she wants to give me a hug or cuddle. And yet, merely typing that sentence provokes reactionary and visceral feelings of disgust and fear.

I'm sick of feeling this way. I need to stop being like this. Does anyone happen to have any insight or experience dealing with issues in this vein?

Yes, but maybe for a different reason. I don't know where your idea of what touch means came from, but I assume mine came from growing up in a family that was not very physically affectionate/was also physically violent. Also, I was never hugely interested in/didn't fully understand friendships. I can see something simple like a hand on my shoulder as friendly (even though I don't particularly enjoy it), but for me, touching is only something I would like to do with a girlfriend. Touch with strangers is horrible; I HATE shaking hands and crap at job interviews.

It don't see that there is anything wrong with being be this way, so I'm not interested in changing myself. I tell people not to touch me, and I don't have the problem often anyhow because I don't spend much time around people and many are probably scared or disinterested in approaching me because of my demeanor.

It may be possible to train yourself to like being touched. I still don't like touch from my family-- too intimate and filled with too many negative associations-- but I have learned to be able to enjoy touch with my friends.

For me, it took a very gentle and understanding friend who respected my boundaries to get used to it. He was a very touchy person and obviously enjoyed hugging others, etc. He was persistent and genuine in showing affection to me, but would back off if I was overwhelmed or did not want it. I learned to first tolerate hugs and then actually enjoy them from him, as well as cuddling and holding hands. I can now at least hug my other friends so long as I trust them and care about them-- if I am really close I can touch them in the other ways too, but this is definitely a rare thing.

I still don't like touch AT ALL from strangers, and anything that is unexpected will startle me. I also still don't like some kinds of touch, like the hand on the shoulder from behind, or people kissing me.

It really takes somebody you trust a lot in order to do this, and you have to start very very slow. I learned that there were positive sensory aspects to touch, like warmth, and really enjoyed that once I was comfortable. If you have 0 positive sensory associations it may be the case touch is not for you. Also, touch may be always weird with your family, especially if they tried to force touching on you in the past.

Touch is definitely a "love" thing for me, but I am not sure if it is romantic or sexual inherently for me. To be honest, I don't really have feelings like that for many people so I don't touch them. I do feel violated when people touch me without my permission, and I used to be really sensitive to the sexual connotations of it. This may get better as you get older. I think it got better for me once I could touch friends in a platonic way and have them touch me back without any sexual pretenses.

My best 2 cents.

Learn to be intimate.

I was afraid to shake other people's hands for fear of how it communicated intentions. It wasn't until I had my first sexual experience that I started to understand the levels of intimacy and stopped being so fearful of what simple physical contact might convey.

I grew up in a time when a man's handshake was to be strong and firm. My life experience was that if you weren't cracking bones, you were effeminate.

The problem is that I have sensitive joints. I know others with arthritis. I make it my practice to only apply as much force to another hand as I feel coming from them. It took me a while to get over handshaking and what it may mean. If someone every comments that I have a "sissy grip," I would just reply that I have joint pain and the idea of crushing a stranger's hand without knowing if I'm inflicting pain or not doesn't seem like the right way to greet a stranger.

Now, I'd suggest this. Find someone you are somewhat comfortable with. Let them hold your hand. Let them pat you on the back or give you hug. TAKE BABY STEPS, but go far enough to challenge your "comfort zone."

You may never get over having issues with touching others, but I'm confident it will help make you more comfortable than you are now.

Like everything else I deal with from AS, I find the only way to get "better" is to keep working at adapting and acclimating to the NT world. If I want to do better at parties, I need to get out and meet people in social situations TO PRACTICE my social skills. The more I can improve when I pick the party to go to, the better I'm prepared when it's a social situation I'm required to go to but would rather not go to.

BEST OF LUCK!

Thanks for the replies. What you guys are saying makes sense. Now I suppose it's just a matter of finding someone I trust enough...

Do you have female friends?
There is girl two years younger than me back at my home town. She always hugs me when she sees me or when we hang out. It actually feels really good, but that's because I really like her. I guess unless you actually like the person (emotional connection or sexual attraction), then a hug would probably be annoying.

I don't think you don't like being touched in general, though. I think you've never felt safe enough around the people who tried to touch you to actually enjoy it. You will like being touched as soon as you truly feel safe and comfortable enough around this person to enjoy it... trust me. I've had the same problem and still I'm not that much of a cuddly person, except for with certain people I really love and trust.

Besides. Some types of touches are just formalities, such as shaking hands with a stranger or (the one I hate the most) giving 3 kisses at birthdays. You shouldn't particularily like or enjoy it, but instead see it as something that has to happen and is part of life, like doing the dishes or other annoying but necessary stuff.

I'm not a touchy feely person. If I know someone is going to touch me I can prepare and usually am ok. It's when someone touches me knowing its going to happen. Usually when this occurs I get angry and say " don't touch me." That happened to me 3 days ago and my mom still isn't talking to me because of it. I have a hard time not over reacting in these situations. Any advice?

I did charity work with autistics. I am diagnosed with aspergers. I felt like the house "N" (the N word).
Anyway, as an aspie ( high level functioning autism,whatever that means) , I like tickling my arms. I remember being rewarded for telling awe- tistic clients to take a comb and scroll it over their arms (ironically prescribed as a reward) by elite professionals. *
Anyway, we like touch. When a woman touches you,pretend its an inanimate object, like a comb.
* They have no clue. You have to experience reality before understanding it. Do not feel inferior! We are superior!

I like/hate being demonstrably rewarded. For examble, Christmas. I know that I should be demonstrably emotional. But I cannot do it! I get a gift and I know that it is appropriate to express extreme gratitude. I cannot!
I think humility is pretentious!