What would you make of this?

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I had a weird situation tonight, and I'm not really sure what to make of it. As always, I seem to make any situation I'm in as awkward as possible and I end up feeling mortified afterwards.

This is what happened: I recently started a new job as a server in a restaurant. A longtime friend is a manager there, and she invited me out tonight to a bar along with another person who works there. I ended up outside alone with him, (strictly platonic, as we were talking about rare movies) and somehow Asperger's came up in the conversation. He acted surprised, like he was shocked I even knew what it was. I said that I had it mildly (recently diagnosed) and that my dad for sure had it at least moderately (is diagnosed), that it seems to run in my family.

I told him that nobody really knows this about me except close family and my husband, and that not even our mutual friend knows this. He told me that he used to work with autistic kids and he gave me a hug. It was really awkward though... and it sort of seemed like he was going to say more, but then didn't, which then I felt like maybe I was saying too much, and of course I have no real gauge on whether what I'm saying is appropriate or not, so it's doubly awkward for me.

I feel so mortified. I'm not embarrassed that I am on the spectrum (I've known that since forever and I'm okay with it), but I'm just mortified that I disclosed such a personal thing to someone I barely know and whom I work with. (Just started working there too). I am also embarrassed that I was a little drunk when I said this, (I hardly ever drink, and I seriously only had 1 drink the whole time I was there.)

I guess I just don't know what to make of it. I don't want him feeling bad for me; I'm not looking for any sympathy or anything. I hope he doesn't think of me differently now. This is something about me that literally only a small handful of people know, and I guess I'm just a private kind of person.


What do you make of this? Am I just over thinking this? I am afraid going to work now will be super awkward, and whatever. What would you do? Has a situation like this ever happened to you?



As a side note: The most frustrating part (at least for me) is since I am not as moderately affected as my dad is, I CAN pass as NT if I concentrate hard enough, so when I make a social flub or disclose anything, I'm in a territory where I feel so absolutely naked and it's terrifying, and I end up freezing and doing something that seriously offends people. I feel like I have to keep the act up all the damn time, and it's so exhausting. At least with my dad, people know something is a little off so he can make a social flub, and people just write it off as him being a little eccentric.

Thanks for listening. Sorry this got long.

I would stop worrying, if I were you. the people that mind, don't matter- and the people that matter, don't mind.

The hug meant, (from his perspective)
"I realize that's quite personal info you have just shared with me and I am touched that you are able to communicate this with me, especially since nobody else knows. I hug you to show appreciation for your openness and also to show that I do not think any differently about you because of what you just told me."
Since he's worked with autistic kids in the past, and from what you have written, it seems he dislikes the notion of an autistic or aspie 'label' on a person. In other words he sees you or anybody else as a person, an individual, and to him it doesn't matter if you are on the spectrum or not.

That is probably what he wanted to say but couldn't think of how to say it ; instead he said it all with a quick hug.

Thank you so much for writing this. This helps a lot. Reading my whole original post again, a day later, makes me realize how it really wasn't that embarrassing of a situation... I guess I just feel really vulnerable whenever the subject comes up, especially around someone I barely know. I need to work on being less insecure.

One aspect of what happened is that you behaved "weird" in the sense that you told a new coworker something and told him not even your best friend knows. I'd refrain from drinking in future. Well, at least in my case. I never touch a drop of alcohol if there's even a remote chance that someone from work might be around. I'm not used to drinking and I tend to disclose inappropriately and act more naturally if I do, thus seriously risking my job.

given what have personally experienced, I understand your aprehensión regarding the release of information to a stranger (essentially). however, it is done and the only feasible course of action is to forget it and continue to do your job. otherwise it will only cause you unneeded (and possibly unnecessary) stress.

That's good advice for NTs, who can afford to forget about it because their intuitions remember it, continue working subconsciously and incorporate the lessons. For us aspies, it's a recipe for the same happening to us all over again. We need to think about it, make sure we DON'T forget it, analyze it a lot till we're able to draw conclusions and take measures so we won't fall into the same trap again. Especially when it's related to our sustainance.

that is obsessive behavior according to my doctor. i. e. something to avoid.

having AS doesn't include alzheimer nor other memory deficiencies. some may have such in addition to AS, but it doesn't mean that it was caused by AS. By "forgetting it" we don't automatically wipe it from our memories like formatting a flash drive. We simply stop obsessing over it. the memory is still there and likely to come to mind again.

the solution, logically, is to form a behavioral reaction to such situations that helps us to avoid the "t. m. i. trap" (divulging Too Much Information), causing little to no offense, if possible. thus over analysis is unnecessary. The answer is already available. the only necessity is to modify the answer to our individual needs. That task can be analyzed without having to obsess over the terrifying specifics of the offending incident.

Obsessive is ruminating in circles without getting to any conclusions.

Take the thinking from us aspies who don't have an intuition? Let the NT doctors give their NT-based pearls of wisdom to NT neurologies.

I'm not too worried about the drinking aspect, as I only had one drink (and it being at a bar, it would have been weirder to not have had one at all). I am sure my one drink made me less inhibited, but yeah, I do get what you're saying. I don't drink that often for that very reason.

I have worked with him twice this week, and nothing seemed off. He didn't even mention it; he just acted as normal and as he did before, which was a relief. If anything, it's kind of nice to have it known, and still be treated the same. Sometimes I feel like I have this big secret, that I'm a fake, keeping up the NT act so as to appear normal. So to have someone who knows but doesn't make a big deal of it is kind of awesome.

I get what both of you are saying. I think it really depends on the person and situation. I am certainly guilty of obsessing over things to the point of it being detrimental, but at the same time, there are situations where I needed to obsess in order to learn anything from it.