Does anyone find that you can't make friends of the personal living life variety, like the kind that will come round to your house, and the ones the ones who you open up to.
But you can still make friends when there's a little bit of reason pushing you together.
Like you're friendly so you have a social circle inside work or school or whatever, someone to sit with in class, someone to walk with between classes, people to sit with you in the dining hall, people who very rarely would invite you out for a drink with the group at times like christmas or halloween.
But then you take a step out of having some necessity to interact with them and they just disappear from your life.
I used to have a job where i would completely lift up my life and re-locate sometimes, and it would be changing my whole life at intervals that were sometimes as short as a month or two.
It was working away from home and you would have a social life with these people that you're forced to live with.
But then say one day your boss tells you, here's your travel information, you're needed at some other branch.
And that's it, all those people i socialised with because they were there and it was practical to interact with were gone, out of sight out of mind.
And i dont even say bye as i leave. 2 pm in the afternoon you're told you need to move, you go straight home to wherever uve been living and grab your gear and you're on the train within 2 hours and forgotten they all exist within a week.
Id be all 1 word replies with text messages, not interested if they phoned me, they even try and stay friends sometimes but as far as i was concerned they were gone from my life.
And its not entirely just coldness.
I do feel like i dont know HOW to bring those people from work life into my personal life.
Its like an absence of something. i dont know HOW to make them real friends.
At school i had a friend that i was attached at the hip to without us actually talking that much. We'd just do everything together from about half an hour before school to up to like an hour after we left.
If there was a school faire on a saturday we'd meet up and go.
But i dont think i EVER hung out with him after school. Like ever.
Then we went to different highschools when i was 11 and i pretty much never spoke to him ever again.
In situations like hobbies/special interests as well, i get on with tons of people.
At the least im always competent in what i do, and thats true of normal things i dont find interesting, add it being a hobby and me being interested in it means that i will spend considerable time improving my understanding of my hobby and it always leads to being fairly knowledgeable on the subject.
And when you have hobbies/special interests and theres some kind of social aspect involved, someone to talk about your interests with, i get valued because of my level of competence and even though im someone whos intense the way aspies are, i dont turn it into this intense but unapproachable thing like a sheldon cooper, im genuinely respectful of all no matter their personal knowledge on the subject.
I dont talk with big words to make myself feel clever while alienating the people im explaining to, i try to break things down to make things easier to understand without making it insulting, i go out of my way to be understanding without being patronising, i am someone that will share my competence without making it an important thing that im competent at something...
And it makes me useful and probably even likable as the kind of person i am goes.
But then i change my hobby and and have this absence of anything to talk to them about because my old hobby gets switched off when i move on to something new.
So i just cut them off and never think of them again.
I can manage to do things with family, i can go to family parties, i can go play snooker with my cousins or go to the pub, but anything out of a tie of blood or that necessity thing pushing me to need them and they just seem to drop out of my life.
02 Dec 2013, 1:05 pm
