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AspergersGamer
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10 Apr 2007, 4:14 pm

Yeah, i give up, i want too try too make friends, even if it mentally destroys me.
Before we start i'm sixteen. Lets see how helpfull the community can realy be, post advice and please HELP!! !! !! ! :!:

Heres how i need help :

How can i make random friends my age off the street? Walk upto them? :?

How can i make friends my age? :?

Can anyone point me in the right direction here please?

Do i goto town and try?


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Sopho
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10 Apr 2007, 4:20 pm

Are there many people your age on your street / in your area?



AspergersGamer
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10 Apr 2007, 4:21 pm

Not too many...I dont think theres any, theres a few 12-14 y/o's but they all think i'm a freak, so not any acceptable ones.


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alexbeetle
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10 Apr 2007, 4:23 pm

I think if you go to town and just try talking to people in the street it will be a disaster.
I would try join a club or go to an organised event of something you are interested in then the people there would have something in common you can start a conversation about.


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Sopho
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10 Apr 2007, 4:26 pm

alexbeetle wrote:
I would try join a club or go to an organised event of something you are interested in then the people there would have something in common you can start a conversation about.

That's probably the best idea. If there's somewhere you can go or join that suits your interests then you'll meet people and you'll enjoy it at the same time



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10 Apr 2007, 4:26 pm

I have one event, but i'm not into it because theres so many people there, and its allmost impossable too keep a conversation with anyone when theres too many people...But i'm aiming for a greeting or somthing...If its a disaster, just somthing else i'm just going too walk away from..


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Sopho
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10 Apr 2007, 4:27 pm

Are you still in school?



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10 Apr 2007, 4:29 pm

Not been too school in more than eaght years. So nope.


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MsTriste
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10 Apr 2007, 4:29 pm

Go for walks, hang out in cafes (bring an interesting book or magazine to read) and if you see somebody who catches your eye, go up to them and just say hi, and make sure to smile. Smiling is important.



Lo
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10 Apr 2007, 4:30 pm

Sorry it's so hard for you - it's often been hard here too for me. People are confusing and come and go and nothing lasts. Ah well. I'm not that good at friendships, but here's what I've been told;

- Find out about groups that interest you, and go along - cos there'll be people like you. I'm interested in creative writing, attending a writer's group, where I met my best friend six months ago.

- I don't reckon it would be a good idea just to walk up to random people in the street. Even if it's friendly, it would be considered strange or dodgy - maddening, yeah, but it probably can't be changed. I kind of get scared when someone walks up and acts friendly just randomly from the street.

- How old are you? D'you go to work, college? I'm guessing just be friendly and say something - my best friend, I think I just said something like "Are you a fresher here?" or even just "Ouch - stubbed my toe" and laugh. It seems to work for me, at any rate, and even just if you say a few words to somebody, introduce yourself.

- Make sure you remember people you talk to, don't just tick them off and forget them, because if you remember them and say hi in passing, that will make you stick in their memory and you can have a longer conversation next time. But for the first meeting, keep the conversation short.

- Don't touch them, except for possibly a hand shake, and stand at least two feet away so they don't feel crowded.

- Only ask for contact details if you have some appropriate reason like wanting to send them something that you think might be of interest - that way they won't feel crowded or like you're stalking them!

- If establishing contact through phone or email or letter, try making contact, and then leave it up to them to reply - if you keep trying to get in touch they think they don't need to bother so won't. The friencship needs balance and it's their responsibility now to get back to you if they want to stay in touch. Leave it a while, and possibly try once more if it doesn't work. After that assume they're not planning on staying in touch, and try and look for a friend elsewhere. That's the bit I find toughest - letting go, but no point in flogging a dead horse.

- If they do keep it up, make sure you get back to them when it's your turn - good way to show you appreciate their friendship.

Hope these were a help and didn't seem high minded or obvious - I don't really know what I'm talking about here, but that seemed to work for me. And something I've learned is not to take it personally if a friend does drift away - they may not realise they are really important to you and assume you have loads of other friends - in other words, they may not realise it is harder for you that they have drifted away than it is for them. And there's plenty of people who would be your friend - I have my first even friendship now, and it was by chance, so I guess one just has to keep looking and talking and trying and one day they will find a mutual friendship. Hope that helped!



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10 Apr 2007, 4:31 pm

I wish I could think of some useful advice for you, but I'm no good at this either :?



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10 Apr 2007, 4:31 pm

Lo : Sorta helped...Still need more help though...-_-'


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AspergersGamer
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10 Apr 2007, 4:32 pm

Sopho_soph wrote:
I wish I could think of some useful advice for you, but I'm no good at this either :?


Thanks for trying. :)


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Spartan
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10 Apr 2007, 5:08 pm

To make friends your age you need to be in some kind of community.. people rarely bump into people on the street and become friends. Try joining some kind of youth organization or something, or hanging around in a place like a game arcade or somewhere you meet other people just interacting. Almost all my friends, I met in school or college or something.. making random friends just happens randomly, nobody plans for that to happen. Is there any social place like that near where you live?


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aspie7120
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22 May 2007, 5:37 pm

What are your interests?I'm in drama club, so we all have something in common to talk about. Do you enjoy soccer? Then ask your parents if you can join a soccer club. If you have a hard time relating to people your own age, you might want to try volunteering at a nursing home or reading to kids at your local library. :)



the-over-analyzed
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22 May 2007, 10:17 pm

I think everybody is basically saying the right idea. What are you interested in? Have you heard of any clubs or groups that share the same interest. Focus on the activity, don't worry about trying to be friends with the people.

In other words, don't try too hard to make friends, just try to meet interesting cool people that you don't hate.

Maybe if we try too hard to make firends it actually distracts us from pursuing meaningful activities where we might actually get to know some cool people. Like stuggling to get out of a finger trap (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_finger_trap). But when you relax then your fingers just slide right out.

Think zen.