Respect for honesty

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I have found that often people gain respect for me when they realize how straightforward I am despite the possible negative social repercussions.

For example, I have told multiple men I do not like them and they make me uncomfortable, if asked. They start off making an obscure comment about how I feel towards them. When I do not respond (my way of trying to be polite since I find it difficult to lie) they ask a slightly more pointed question regarding how I feel about them. I then ask them if they really want to know, and they always say they do. I will say something to the effect of "I don't like you." They seem stunned. They ask why. "You often come in drunk and they way you act makes me very uncomfortable. I think you may have have a drinking problem and it concerns me. You get very aggressive and hostile when you're drunk. I don't feel safe around you." And they apologize. I once had a young man tell me I saved his life. He told me that when someone he was not close to expressed concern about his behavior it made him take a good long look at his life. He's almost one year sober. The combination of a lack of emotional investment and blatant honesty seems to be appealing to many people I have encountered.

Any thoughts or experiences with this? Please share, I'd love to know your stories.

Well, they asked, so they can't complain if they don't like the answers I suppose.

OTOH I find the 'honest at all costs' approach very tiresome and often an excuse for people to be personally offensive.

But if it works for you...

I would appreciate that kind of honesty. I wish more women did that.

For me, it's not about 'being honest at all costs.' When I'm in a situation where I am forced to respond, and I know I should lie so I don't offend someone, I feel this huge ball of stress begin to form inside me. I get overwhelmed entirely. In my head I'm thinking, "What should I say? If I say X he might take it this way, but if I say Y he will take it this way, maybe Z, no no he will take it THIS way." And I go down the rabbit hole so to speak. There are so many variables and so many repercussions to telling a simple lie. If you are polite they might talk to you longer when all you can think about is getting away from them. Or if you divert the conversation they may think you are self absorbed. Etc. For me, honesty isn't about finding an excuse to insult someone. It's just so much easier. If I want to be around someone I tell them. If I want someone to go away I tell them.

Shameless, I wish EVERYONE were like that. Just think, no more trying to decipher clues to finally come to the conclusion that someone who tells you they like your shirt doesn't give a crap about your shirt they just hate you. Life would be so ... quiet.