I Just Noticed Something...

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...I can't seem to start up a conversation with any of my peers unless one of my special interests is brought up.

For example, in my Anthropology class, one of my classmates brought up the Nightmare Before Christmas, and I instantly just hit it off from there...

I talked to my mother about this earlier, and she thinks that I shouldn't overemphasize on my own interests, but instead kind of focus on theirs for a little bit.

But what should I even open up the conversation with? Without making it sound too socially awkward?

I guess why I'm sort of addressing this now is because I don't want to come off as too obnoxious with some of my special interests; sometimes, I even worry if I'm coming off as too obnoxious with some of my posts here.

So, does anyone else suffer from this same problem? And does anyone else on here have some helpful advice they can give me?

"So what are you into? What do you do with your free time?"

"Did you grow up here? What are your favorite movies and books?Do you exercise?Do you enjoy living here?"

I find it difficult to relate to, and talk to, my peer group. Like today. One of the buyers of one of my guitars was around my age and it seemed like he wanted to talk or console me about my current living/surviving situation. I just wanted to get in my car and bounce. I just can't do conversation. I don't enjoy it. I think it'd be nice if I could talk to people and have full-on conversations with them, but I just feel like I have to surround myself within my home and quickly shut out the outside world lest I fall apart or something. It sucks to feel that way.

@FluttercordAspie (though this is really for everyone): I have been thinking about this a lot lately, in fact. I have been in simiar situations often, where I'd be among a group of people, usually strangers, and everyone's getting along and I'm just sitting there on the sideline because I don't know what to talk about or how to initiate the conversation. And then, when a topic gets brought up that I have an affinity for, suddenly I'll be like a verbal cascade. I have even had this at the monthly autistics meeting that I used to frequent- even in a room full of autistics, I'd sometimes just be sitting there in a corner, nodding my head but not really feeling the conversation- until a subject came up that I could talk about.

Now, whether one-on-one or in group situations (coffee/lunch breaks at work, casual parties and get-togethers with my relatives), I have trouble figuring out what to talk about when striking up a conversation with someone. I'm usually just eating myself up the whole time, staying quiet. In most of these social situations, the conversation typically hovers from mundane topic to mundane topic- and UNLESS I really, really like a person, I can't do the mundane topics. Co-workers or acquaintances that I have a good emotional bond with, I can talk to them about the weather, about housework, about family, I can technically small-talk with them. But of course, I also have more substantial conversations with them to balance it out. But with people I don't really care that much for on an emotional level, I can't keep up the pretence.

Now, Sharkbait and Mackica just provided very good advice: best way to prevent yourself from overflooding another person with your own special interest, is to switch it around a bit and inquire about their interests. If it's an interest or hobby that you already know a bit about, then there can be a bit of a back-and-forth between the two of you, comparing notes. If it's a topic you know nothing about, don't fear! This gives you the opportunity to keep asking questions about that very topic, and also makes the other party feel good because they can share a bit of themselves with you and you're showing interest.

But here's something that I personally haven't tried yet, but may do at an upcoming party I plan to visit: I'll be among age peers, (I think some people I've met before will be attending). Now I've been to somewhat similar get-togethers before, and I usually didn't really know what to talk about and let myself be pushed to the side because I figured "What am I going to talk about if not dinosaurs, taxonomy, Transformers, or linguistics?" Narrows down the conversation on a casual meet-up, doesn't it? All the while I'm just standing there listening to either small talk or topics that pass right over my head. But here's what I'm going to do next time around: I am actually going to talk about the things I do know about. I'm going to have the conversation the way I want to have it, instead of letting the conversation overwhelm me. Now this may sound imperious, and I certainly don't want to dominate the conversation, but my personal experience in one-on-one interaction has been that the other person is usually open to the topics of my interest, which in turn invite me to open up to theirs as well. Yes, it also happens that I encounter people, and we share zero common ground- but that's something that extends beyond autism. Plenty of non-autistic people who can't sustain a conversation between each other, so we don't have to worry about that being weird.

Sorry to run off on a long tangent there, but I had been debating on whether to make this its own topic, or insert it in an appropriate thread instead, and I ended up choosing the latter.

Face it... the reason you have nothing to say is because... small talk is boring... I have no interest in small talk... don't really see the point... if you want to get to know someone... go fishing... people always used to tell me, don't speak until spoken to... great advice for me... watch the conversation... listen... if there is a time to say something, when someone actually gives a hoot what your saying, you will know what that time is. If you don't care, be a social blunder, and talk to yourself out loud . Zen can be your best friend. It is everything... and nothing... most people like me best, when I shutup!! !! ! Love letters work great too.

Small talk helps establish a rhythm, and lets other people feel safe talking to you. If you can learn to do it, it will help you have more deep, meaningful conversations in the end.