Alone

Post Reply New Topic

Lately I have been doing a lot of thinking about my life. It has sparked by my near total solitude and even worse bad luck than normal. Other than one person I really havent had any kind of contact with other people. Even at school I sit with myself and usually dont talk at all.

Well started analysing my life and I realized that things really hasnt been too bad. My worst problem has been the stress from my one friendship. They always end badly so Ive been trying to change that with her and so far I have been successful.

Things are kinda strange though. I am never really sure what to think about our relationship. We do talk on the phone but I am always the one making the call. She always forgets to call me. I dont really think about it because everyone else forgets about me too and she even recognizes this and said she is sorry about it. If I ask her to call me she always asks me to call her because she doesnt want to to forget to call.(I dont know what to think about this either. Any ideas?) The last time I called her she had seemed even more "goofy" than normal. I asked if she always acted silly while talking with eveyone or just me. She said just with me. I asked why and got "I just didnt think you cared". Weeks put in to show I cared and I guess it wasnt good enough.

Lately I have been thinking about just giving up. I figure I can make it on my own. Having a friendship can be the greatest thing in the world when it is a real friendship. I never minded not having a friend until a couple years ago. I had gotten real close to my older sister. It was incredible I really loved and for the first (and probably only time) said I love you. Unfortunately it ended a few months later. She is young (27), has two kids in school, is unmarried, recently had her mom move in with her, and lives almost an hour away. I realized she didnt have time and needed to focus on more important things and decided to basically leave her alone.

Ever since I have had this feeling of emptiness. I miss someone forcing me to talk with people but was there to help me along. I miss sitting on the couch and not talking but enjoying each others company. I miss a hug when I felt bad. Most of all I missed someone trying to understand me and being able to talk about whatever was on my mind. But I realize that there may never be another person like her. I am realizing that my new friend may be just me attempting to force the image of my sister on someone else annd realize that it isnt fair. I am ready to admit Ill be by myself.

My frst question is what should I do about my my friend. Should I just let us gradually drift apart. I have started doin this by not calling in about two weeks. Should I talk to her about these feelings I have not knowing if she even thinks this friendship is going anywhere. Or should I just get things back to where they were before and dont push for anything more.

I have a question fr my adult aspie friends. How have your lives been? Mainly aimed at those of you who have accepted a life of solitude. Do you have any regrets? Do you wish you had a close friend or do not really mind?

Thank you for your comments.

Your friend admitting that she acts silly only around you is most likely a positive thing. By admitting that, she may be telling you that she is more comfortable around you than others. Friendships are hard to come by, you might regret letting her drift away.

In my own life, I am not quite a complete loner. I live with my mother (its hard to say that) and my sister is here every night so she almost lives here. They don’t know me, though. Over the past year or so I’ve realized that other people can’t read my mind and if I don’t tell them what I am feeling, they have no real idea what I am going through. So it is strange living here, because my family members’ thoughts of me must be full of misconceptions. I do not talk about my problems with them. I’ve tried long ago, but there is no way for them to relate to me. “Just stop being that way,” that’s their solution. We get along well and seldom argue, but the lack of understanding is an odd feeling. They honestly haven’t the slightest idea of the difficulties I’ve faced. To my family, me finding a career, friends, a wife and living a “normal,” productive life is just around the corner.

When I was much younger I had many friends, however, I can truly only have one close friend at a time. Most of my “friends” would more aptly be called acquaintances. After high school I still associated with the people I met there, the musician crowd. Over the years they grew, became involved in their careers, paired off, married, and began raising families. It was during the “pairing off” stage where I began to be left out of group events. They stopped inviting me places, because everyone was doing things as couples. Since I had lost my girlfriend and couldn’t get a date, I would have been the fifth wheel. I haven’t seen anyone I schooled with in over a decade.

Currently I have two friends. My “closest” friend lives 200 miles away and he is the only friend I can actually have a conversation with. My other friend, whom I’ve known for 15 years, lives in a town close by. He calls frequently and I help him with his PC problems. My friend 200 miles away I speak with once a month or so, but haven’t seen him in three years. He’s somewhat of a loner as well and admits to sitting around for months thinking about calling people, but never picking up the phone.

There is a girl in my town I was once a friend with. Last summer I tried to rekindle our friendship, but things didn’t work out. Since she lives with her boyfriend, who doesn’t seem to like me much, I decided to “fade away.” I tried associating with her and her friends, but didn’t have any luck connecting with anyone. At the time I really needed a female friend to talk to, but it wasn’t possible.

While I am not entirely friendless yet, I sometimes feel that way. I am becoming very used to doing things alone. I don’t think I would be happy if I was entirely friendless, to the point where I had no one to call if I desperately needed to talk, but I no longer feel a need to go out and do things with others.

I have been thinking about my friendships relations for a long time, it appered to me that i act the same way with everyone but people dont act with me as they appear to act with other people.

I dont understand why, i cant get a clue of what truly differt from me to others. I always had a single "good" friend at a time even while behing in compagny of more people. Anyway, things goes well for me but it appears after a certain time that things are going wrong thought i dont notice it at first. Currently the only thing i have found to prevent my relationships from breaking too quickly is to be as "small" as possible not letting the things that troubles people to show much.

I found also that i had only a really really little amount of true friend in my past. Most of the times the friend i had where just seeking interest in me, like making theirs computers works or something like. It made me behing quite paranoid about friendship and relationship in general.

I have been seeking keys for years and it becames an obscession since 3 years, in the end i found that i was unable to get certains things but i still cant get a real clue about what. I think that we need clues and answers as we cant get them by ourselfs, things are shown there and there indrectly and this is what we, or at least i, need to understand the things around (me) us, this may lead me to beging a true part of this environement and not a stranger

I generalize my own functionning to everyone but i think i cant do a simpler way, also there are no reals answers in there but may be some kind of trail, i dont know

my life is better then it was. i have not much to compare it to other then the time i had no friends. i choose not to regret things because that only leads dwelling on the past which no longer exists and makes me depressed. In high school, i had no friends and now i do. keeep ya head up and remember, after a dark night comes a bright day after that. things will get better, i used to think they would not but they did.
A

Thank you all for your replies.

At school today she said she would call me today. Didnt happen. Just one more dissapointed and broken promise in y life. Tomorrow Im just gonna talk to her at school. I have a lot on my mind and I think she deserves to hear at least what pertains to her.


P.S.- Thinking about it I will always have you guys. And you all will always understand me.

How are things going? I know this thread was a back there aways, but I figured I'd chime in.

I have my husband and one other real friend (who is an x-boyfriend who should have always just been a friend). I'm not good at friendships and their pupose for existing isn't exactly clear to me. I've had people in my life who I thought were really good, true friends, but they weren't at all. I thought I should be sad about it, but discovered that I really wasn't.

I like being social, but not too deeply. I have this idiotic notion that I could have a splendid circle of friends and that we'd have so much fun laughing around the dining table, drinking beer, eating port salut, and joking about all the commonalities, etc. It's just not going to happen.

If you feel lonely, that's a problem, but if you're OK, then you're OK. Being a loner isn't bad. If you feel lonely and need friends, consider joining a club or a church or some such thing. Structured activities really relieve a lot of social stress.

Get a portable sketch pad and some pens and start drawing and writing. Every loner needs a sketch book!

-Eva

Synchro- Yeah that she said she acts that way only around me I thought was nice. It was the part that she didnt think that I cared bothered me.

Serine-I also had been thinking about my past relationships. One that had stuck out in my mind was an early "friend" I had when I was about 5. I rememeber thinking how good a friend he was. Thinking about he not only was a bad friend but a bad person. Following from there I realized he wasnt the only one. That doesnt help my already strong mistrust of people.

Axelcat-

That is acually something I think to myself all the time. Thanks for reminding of it.

Eva-I actually think this all the time. If people even knew half of what I thought they would spend half thier life laughing and the other half crying. I realize I say so many things that I know others would really enjoy. But then I realize that I said the exact same thing last month and realize its just not gonna happen.

Well today I didnt really talk like I wanted to. I asked why she hadnt called she said she hadnt got home until late. Right then I just got sorta tense. Then after she left I thought about how much stress this was and realized I need to let go. For at least a little while I need not to think about her or anyone else. Then just when I was feeling real bad (had sort of a string of bad luck after talking to her) there was a moment that reminded me of why I want to befriend her.

I saw her in the hall. I really wanted to just drop my books and give her a hug but just couldnt. As she walked by she held up her hand. At first I thought she was waving so I lift my hand up to wave back. But then as we passed she grabbed my hand and we sort of held hands as she walked by. It was a second but felt like hours. Suddenly I felt re-energized and happy. It was like she knew what I was thinking. It was great.

Now my question is how should I talk to her. The reason I cant now is not only am I afraid of opening myself up to her but what should I tell her. I dont even know what it is I want to tell her. This is so confusing, but hey you get out what you put in right? This could all be worth it in the end. Yet another scary thought. I could end up having something great or bad.

I need a vacation.

i heard it in a 2pac song it says:
"I know sometimes it can get hard, but remember this, 'After a dark night, comes a bright day after that. So whatever you do, keep ya head up, stick your chest out and (cant make out last part).'"
-Tupac Shakur, Me against the World

A

Now Im thinking of asking her out. I do really like her. She had said she didnt want a boyfriend but that was a long time ago. Hiw exactly would I go abouut this especially being 16.

Her birthday is coming up soon. I know she likes spongebob and her favorite color is lime green. I thinking about getting her a lime rose and maybe like a spongebob toy. DO you think she might appreciate something like this, or do you guys have any suggestions?

it sounds like you know her well enough. Just ask her out, your only 16. I had a cheerleader allover me when I was that age but just didn't know how to respond cause she was up there and so iam down here. The spongebob and limegreen thing sounds like a good idea. id go for it.
A

One thing about dating is Im not sure how to go about doing it. All I know about dating is really just what I see on t.v. and they all drive (which I cant do).

At 16 you shouldn't worry about the driving thing. TV is always full of crap. Just treat a girlfriend like shes your best friend. As far as going on dates, ya just gotta be yourself.
A

Hi tear,

Instead of just blantanly asking her out, and buying her roses, why don't you ask her if you want to hang out sometime? Perhaps the traditional dinner and a movie might work, but if you want to stand out from other guys, try a less traditional date. Be unique and creative. For example try minature golf if you both enjoy that. If things go well on the first date, ask her for a second date, if things go well on the second date, then ask her for a third date, then when you take her out on third date give her the lime rose. Good luck with everything. Keep us posted on how things go.

Justin

We talked for a few minutes yesterday. She had to go before w4e could really talk about anything. Im going to try to find out if we can talk face to face sometime. We havent really talked a over month and I sort of missed that.

Jman the rose was for her birthday. Its the end of this month. I figured it not too expensive. Oh but she did seem kinda surprised and flattered (I wouldnt really trust my judgement on that) that I remembered her birthday.

I actually wrote a 2 page note today. I just sat down and wrote what I felt in realtion to her. Its everything I have wanted to say to her for months but just couldnt. Now Im debating on giving it to her or using it as a sort of guideline for when I talk to her. Hmmmmmm......

Honestly, it's probably best not to give it to her unless you know 100% with no doubt that she likes you. I've done this before and it didn't really work. Also, from a girl's point of view, it might seem creepy if she doesn't share those feelings.