Problems handling people who are crying...

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Ok, so I think this stems partly from High School where when I had a cry about something small or not, I was told more or less to suck it up. Some of them were bullies and some were just guys that just think it's stupid to let things out like that. But that's only a piece of the puzzle.

Most people can handle it ok when someone of their friends or peers in our groups crying or having a very hard time. When someone in our group starts crying, I feel extremely uncomfortable and the more acquainted or closer I feel to them the more uncomfortable I am. There was a younger woman, also an aspie, that was crying the other day when I entered a computer room alone. I didn't really pick up on it at first, because she seemed have been trying to keep it under control ok, but I said a few things that I thought were interesting and I get on a computer and I watch her as she walks closer to the door and then gets some tissues and I dunno why, but I think I tend to hesitate to come to conclusions about how someone's feeling, but at that point I was fairly sure something was wrong. I don't pick up right away, but at least not even a minute went by and I thought to say something, but as far as I can really get with anyone, even a friend is to ask if they were ok, so that's what I did. She said 'no.' I feel like a jackass, because I'm her friend, but at the same time my serious discomfort was a high. Now don't take this the wrong way. I kinda was a point where you know when you are about to cry, so my throat is closing a little, but I held it together, but she walked out the door. I don't know how to hold it together if I get to that point and I certainly don't feel comfortable hugging someone who is sad and it's even harder if they are close to me. I don't see her as anything more than a friend, which is why I say not to take it the wrong way. I have sort of a bottled up empathy thing, but it only seems to come around when when it's obvious how hard it's hurting and they are crying. Oh and what it was was her second break up, btw.

So, this is a really really big problem for me, because I'm afraid I'm going to lose it when someone gets like this.

This can go into a big long line of problems if I even enter a more than friend relationship with someone. I get so scared to show how I feel. I freeze up. If I feel overwhelmed by something one way or the other, I fear the loss of control. I fear being judged. It scares the hell out of me.

That's a classic Autistic Empathy problem.

First you didn't notice the nonverbal signals, then when you figured it out, you still were unsure what the appropriate response should be. Been there, done that.

Common Aspergian dilemma. Sometimes people don't want others to notice they've been crying. Other times it's so obvious, it seems insensitive not to at least acknowledge it. I think in those cases, all you can do is ask "Is there anything I can do?" usually the answer will be "No." Of course, once you've opened that door, you may get to listen to a long monologue about how cruel the world is, but hey, sometimes that's the price of friendship.

I react to people who are crying about the same way I react to a baby covered in poop that wants to be held.

I have a lot of trouble handling crying people, because I either totally get it and am so overwhelmed with my own emotion that I have no idea what to do to actually even begin to help, or I have no idea why they're so sad and I'm really clumsy in my efforts to soothe them.
The last time I tried to help a friend who was sad she directed me to This.
I've noticed that even just normal people often times say they don't know how to react when people cry, so to some extent I think most people have some issue when it comes to figuring out how to deal with it.

if only it were something simple like just holding them and caressing them and telling them you are there for them.