Celebrating birthdays and awkwardness

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Every birthday of mine, I tend to feel a little bit sad, stressed, and above all, very anxious. My reason for this, though, is not the attention, but more so the unknown and the different happening. Birthdays are full of secrets and surprises, all of which I hate, and they also bring back some painful memories.

When I was a little toddler, they triggered a lot of fear in me, because of the unknown and knowing that something that made me feel unhappy could happen. For example, I would never want to be in the same room as a person opening birthday cards, in case there were any musical ones (I hate them now). The same went for birthday presents, in case there were any noisy toys. If someone put up balloons and streamers for my birthday, I would feel overwhelmed. I don't really like it when people sing Happy Birthday either, and the smell of sulfur after the birthday person blows out the candles used to disgust me.

Nowadays, I'm not anxious when it's somebody else's special day, but on mine, I definitely am. I'm not as bad as I used to be, but my memories and expectations are not pleasant.

I have mixed feelings about my birthday. I am happy, but at the same time I think of the date (4/13) and how I am getting older slowly........ and how time is passing me by.

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Feel free to talk to me, if you wish.

Every day is a gift- cherish it!

"A true, true friend helps a friend in need."

My younger sister was extremely ill when I was young and our birthdays are three days apart. Most years my mother would tell me that my sister would get a birthday party [apart from the family celebration] because she was so ill and it might be her last birthday. I had no problem with that. As a matter of fact it was huge relief because I had no friends. On the occassion I was told I could have a party I would invite a group of girls who were friends with each other.

I looked forward to my family birthday but I HATED HATED HATED both when I was being sung "Happy birthday" to, and when I was opening my gifts. I was so afraid of not appearing grateful, and I'm sure I didn't because I was so frightened by having the attention on myself.

It's your birthday, celebrate it the way you want to. Don't let others or fear change this.
We aspies tend to be loyal and unselfish which are good traits. But we also need "me" time more then most and sometimes these needs conflict. With all the nonsense we have to put up with we have EARNED and DESERVE our special day (and a lot more days then that)

So did the OP survive?

She hasn't responded, so probably not. :p (I'm joking, by the way)