Im jealous of severely autistic people (we are cursed)

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The pastor at my church has a son called Andrew who is 24 years old, he suffers from Sotos Syndrome (Cerebral Gigantism) and is severely autistic, he only seems to be able to speak single words and requires 24 hour care by his Mum and Dad, obviously any kind of meaningful social life is non existent for him, and this has got me thinking about the human condition of not being able to fully appreciate the depth of others suffering, at the moment i have a couple of options in my head

1. individuals with Autism endure psychological/emotional suffering above and beyond that of others?

2. Individuals with autism lack something which causes us to not be able to appreciate the problems and subsequent suffering that occurs in other peoples lives?

there was a third option but I've had a total brain fart (my mind is racing, as usual)

My initial thoughts about Andrew were that he probably does not suffer much due to the fact that his autism is so severe he probably isn't even aware of himself, or his difference from others. certainly when most people meet him they assume he just lives a very simple but content life, he rarely shows any signs of distress and when his Dad asks him to smile for the camera he obliges.

Those of us with Aspergers can surely be in agreement that we are subject to an extraordinary level of suffering, connecting with others and feeling like we belong is a basic human need, and the very definition of ASD is to have difficulty fulfilling that desire.

sometimes its soothing to know that your not alone, so heres an abridged story about me

At primary school i had no real friends, i can't remember an awful lot of it, but i can remember that i spent many play times alone, crying to myself and wondering why no one wanted to play with me, if i did try and play with people i tended to accidently hurt them by playing too roughly, and my communication was lacklustre to say the least, it was only at the age of 16 i learned that it was necessary to greet people by saying hello for example, its safe to say i felt unloved as a child, i used to feel utter dread when mum told me it was bedtime because every night felt like a nightmare, i was so sure that my family didn't love me i would sneak into the TV room in the middle of the night, to make sure they didn't try and abandon me while i was asleep

i have two neurotypical brothers, one is 4 years older and the other is 7 years older, having a younger, weird hyperactive and gullible brother certainly had its benefits for them, i remember frequent taunts of 'your a loner Ben' and 'No one likes you'.

my school and home experiences combined, its safe to say i was far from secure.

secondary school (ages 12-17) i was bullied solidly for the 3 years i stayed at school before dropping out due to deppression and anxiety

i was called a freak, beaten up, mocked and made a spectacle of on a daily basis, i had 0 real friends at school, having to watch everyone enjoy their youths, the young romances, meeting up on the weekend, things like that, i cant even begin to explain the pain.

ofcourse that was just scratching the surface,

i've been sitting here for 20 mins listening to music and have lost where i was going

I think being in the state that said Andrew is in is a whole lot worse.. Not just for him, but his parent's. Not much in that situation to be jealous about i think. I rather feel the opposite, i feel sorry and sad for people in such life situations. How do we know if he suffer's or not if he can't fully express/word his feelings?

..Besides imagine how it affects the conscience of the person whenever he is aware of how dependent he is of his parents, how much time they have to put aside because they have to look after him 24/7. Plus knowing that one can not be autonomous and will for the most part have to rely on help from others weakens the confidence. It's more distressing and heavy bearing than something to be jealous of, again we have no idea how it effects him emotionally and physically to be in the state he is in. You should instead be happy that you can function sufficient enough in this world, i can imagine he is the one who would love to be in your shoes.

Everyone has probably had that thought at some point.

Maybe it is true, maybe Andrew is happier than you and me; but we can't know that.
That aside - how could you possibly be jealous of him, knowing the things you know, having seen how the world works,
having understood so many things that he will never be able to process? You can't unsee all of that.

He completely lacks something that you are lucky enough to have: power, that is.
Power to speak, and to change the world in whatever way you like, maybe by helping people like yourself or Andrew, getting involved in politics, or science...
Maybe you feel like you can't reach such goals as easily as a non-autistic person, but the possibility IS THERE.


Being jealous of him makes some sense, I guess...but to be honest, I also think it's kind of weak.

what i mean is that its so much easier to be unaware of your social failings, rather than to be so acutely aware that you are friendless and unliked

ECCLESIASTES
CHAPTER 4
2 And I declared that the dead, who had already died,
are happier than the living, who are still alive.
3 But better than both is he who has not yet been,
who has not seen the evil that is done under the sun.

(theoretically) Written by the (theoretically) smartest guy who ever lived. Solomon.
Apparently he agrees with you. =)